My most vivid memory of preschool is sitting in time out. I had, on purpose, thrown a wooden block directly at a little boy's head. I was furious for getting in trouble, mostly because I felt justified in my actions. Ahh, good memories.
4K is currently in daycare. Why, you ask, would a 4 year old be in daycare instead of preschool? Well, let's see. The Ex has decided that 4K is not in 'need' of preschool. She is going to go straight to kindergarden next year. This is honestly the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I could understand if she was gifted and had a dedicated parent working with her. (hahaha) But this little one doesn't know her numbers, doesn't know her letters, and can't write her name! Three of the most important things needed to go into kindergarten. I'm not doubting that she could catch up, but why start a child on a road of disadvantage? C even agrees that 9K should have gone two years in preschool because he wasn't catching on. It would cost her an extra 200 bucks a month to have 4K in preschool this year. She would have gone to the preschool down the street from her current daycare provider. After school her daycare provider would pick her up so the Ex wouldn't have to do anything. *sigh*
The best thing to do in a situation when you can't change the other person is to change your attitude. I got flash cards for 4K, numbers and letters, and I plan on working with her until she goes into school next fall. Hopefully with my dedication she will not only be prepared, but ahead.
I'm going tomorrow with my Mama to get a pedicure. :) I need K time. I'm still not used to sharing with 3 kids who think everything is theirs. Funniest argument I've ever gotten in with a child:
9K: K, who's car is this?
Me: My car.
9K: No it's not. It's Daddys car.
Me: Well, we share, but technically it's my car. My name's on the paperwork, I insure it, and actually 9K, it was my first car before my truck.
9K: No it's not. It's Daddys car.
Me: What? Didnt' you hear a word I just said? This was my first car.
9K: Well it's everyone's car since it's Daddys. So it's mine and my sisters and you share it to.
Me: Um. No. It's my car. I share it with your father.
9K: Then it's ours too.
Me: No. It. Is. NOT. It's MINE.
All of a sudden I felt extremely possessive and I didn't want to share! I didn't want to share with a nine year old! Hahaha I look back at that and think, why did I fall into that? All I had to say was, "Yep. It's everyones." And that would have stopped the argument dead in its tracks instead of me getting all frustrated. Does anyone else have a hard time sharing? lol I need a time out...I'm about to start throwing blocks. :)
Friday, November 30, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Exhausted
So C got a new job, and it has him working the nights and weekends we usually have the kids...so this past vacation week I had them Wednesday alone, Friday alone and Saturday alone. I usually treasure my alone time with the kids since it is mostly a rarity but dear Lord...by the end of Saturday I was ready to throw them all in a river. Don't get me wrong, I love them so so much, but I can only take so much whining/crying/fits/emotional break downs. They aren't used to their dad being gone like that since he has never had to work on weekends before, and so every TWO seconds they were asking me when he was coming home. It was like a mantra. "I said 6." (two seconds later) "I said 6!" (two seconds later) "I SAID SIX!!"
4K got in big trouble on Friday. We were at C's parents house, and they are neurotic about their furniture/floors/counters/everything and whenever 4K is being naughty she sneaks into a corner of the front room (the off limits room). So I see her sneaking and being quiet so I call out, "4K, what are you doing? What do you have?" "Noooooottthiiiing" Uh huh. Sure. So I go over there and ask again, "What do you have?" "K, I said Nuh-thing!" (with that smirky attitude I so very much hate) So, I pick her up to find her lying on a red marker. She's not allowed to have pens and markers because she draws on herself. So then Grandma walks in the room and starts gasping like a fish so I look to see what she's gasping at, and 4K has written all over the couch, and on a side table in red marker. 4K immediatly starts bawling. A four year old did this?, I thought. I was so taken aback. I just stood there and Grandma put 4K face first into a corner for a really long time. Personally it's not how I would have handled it, but since it was her house I didn't stand in the way of her discipline. I was just really shocked. I would expect that from a two year old, but a four year old knows that's wrong. So I've been wondering what made her act out like that. Perhaps its because she wasn't getting attetion since I was reading my book and Grandma was cooking. I really don't know.
On a good note, 9K finished his report, and did a fantastic job. We broke it into 4 parts so he wouldn't have to sit forever and get bored and stressed. It was really great to see him work so hard. I wrote a note for his teacher in his writing folder that said we were very proud of him. :)
Funny moment: The ex asks if 9K got his report done, and I said, "Yes he did."
And she goes, "Well then I'll go ahead and e-mail the teacher."
So I told her, "Don't worry about it! I already talked to her."
The Ex: "Oh...this week?!"
Me: "No, but she knew that I would be working on it with him and she lent me a class writing book (show exhibit A), gave me his writing notebook (show exhibit B), and knew it would be in on Monday."
The Ex: "Well I bet it was really easy because, I mean, he looked almost done with it."
Me: "Actually no, it took a lot of hard work on his part because it was not even near close to done. He had an Idea. I don't consider that, "nearly done"
The Ex: "Oh."
Slowly but surely the tide turns in my favor...
:) I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving! C and I had a nice little dinner by ourselves Thursday then with his parents and the kids on Friday. (Then I went and got drunk with my friends...I sooo deserved my girls night out!)
4K got in big trouble on Friday. We were at C's parents house, and they are neurotic about their furniture/floors/counters/everything and whenever 4K is being naughty she sneaks into a corner of the front room (the off limits room). So I see her sneaking and being quiet so I call out, "4K, what are you doing? What do you have?" "Noooooottthiiiing" Uh huh. Sure. So I go over there and ask again, "What do you have?" "K, I said Nuh-thing!" (with that smirky attitude I so very much hate) So, I pick her up to find her lying on a red marker. She's not allowed to have pens and markers because she draws on herself. So then Grandma walks in the room and starts gasping like a fish so I look to see what she's gasping at, and 4K has written all over the couch, and on a side table in red marker. 4K immediatly starts bawling. A four year old did this?, I thought. I was so taken aback. I just stood there and Grandma put 4K face first into a corner for a really long time. Personally it's not how I would have handled it, but since it was her house I didn't stand in the way of her discipline. I was just really shocked. I would expect that from a two year old, but a four year old knows that's wrong. So I've been wondering what made her act out like that. Perhaps its because she wasn't getting attetion since I was reading my book and Grandma was cooking. I really don't know.
On a good note, 9K finished his report, and did a fantastic job. We broke it into 4 parts so he wouldn't have to sit forever and get bored and stressed. It was really great to see him work so hard. I wrote a note for his teacher in his writing folder that said we were very proud of him. :)
Funny moment: The ex asks if 9K got his report done, and I said, "Yes he did."
And she goes, "Well then I'll go ahead and e-mail the teacher."
So I told her, "Don't worry about it! I already talked to her."
The Ex: "Oh...this week?!"
Me: "No, but she knew that I would be working on it with him and she lent me a class writing book (show exhibit A), gave me his writing notebook (show exhibit B), and knew it would be in on Monday."
The Ex: "Well I bet it was really easy because, I mean, he looked almost done with it."
Me: "Actually no, it took a lot of hard work on his part because it was not even near close to done. He had an Idea. I don't consider that, "nearly done"
The Ex: "Oh."
Slowly but surely the tide turns in my favor...
:) I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving! C and I had a nice little dinner by ourselves Thursday then with his parents and the kids on Friday. (Then I went and got drunk with my friends...I sooo deserved my girls night out!)
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
9K cont.
Wow, that's the most comments I've ever gotten on a post! I'm really glad when I see people put time and energy into commenting on my page. I appreciate everyone sharing their thoughts.
So to answer my own questions about what the Ex thought more on me overstepping...Nothing more. I guess it was a fleeting thought because she asked us to watch them Sunday and everything was business as usual. 9K asked what I met with his teacher about, it was so cute. He goes, "Was it a bad meeting or a good meeting?" and I said, "It was just a meeting to talk about things." and he goes, "Oh, so it was a...creative meeting?" and I laughed and said, "Yes! Exactly! A creative meeting." and it was left at that. I cleaned his room and their bathroom with the help of a friend who is down visiting from Monteray. She had gone to church with us and was therefore dragged to the Ex's house. lol...The Ex went on and on about how she was thankful I cleaned and was super nice without a hint of sarcasm or meanspirtedness. (is that a word?) No mention of the meeting, nothing. I'm glad. I didn't want things to be awkward because as far as our relationship goes, we get along. There is no screaming or name calling between us, (C and her is another story though) I keep my thoughts about her parenting skills to myself and we just go on all hunky-dory-like. As a person she isn't bad. Honestly if we were the same age we would probably be friends. But as my future stepchildrens mother? Depressing. C put it really well, "Honestly Ex is doing the best she can. Unfortunatly for the kids, this is her best. She lacks the capacity to care about anyone but herself, and it's sad, but true." And I agree.
Funny Moment:
My friend was all hackles up when the Ex got home because she is super protective of me. I told her to be sure and be polite. Well, the Ex looks at 9k's room, and we had stacked the bags and bags of trash outside the room in the hallway, and the Ex goes, "I hate seeing this trash in the hallway, I think I'm going to just put it all back in 9K's room for now..." Hahahhaha I saw my friends face turn purple. We suggested putting it in the trash can outside. Which we did. When we left my friend was like, "OH MY GOD. K, you weren't kidding! Who does that?!"
Sweet Sweet 7K...made a turkey with feathers that had what she was thankful for written on them. One said, I'm thankful for my mom and dad because they are nice to me. The next one said, I'm thankful for my sister because she plays with me. The next one said, I'm thankful for my teachers because they are nice...and then...on a hot pink feather...it said, I'm thankful for my step mom because she lets me play with her hair. :) *heart swelling with love* Nothing beats that feeling. I would sit through a lifetime of crappy bad news parent teacher conferences just for that feeling. :)
So to answer my own questions about what the Ex thought more on me overstepping...Nothing more. I guess it was a fleeting thought because she asked us to watch them Sunday and everything was business as usual. 9K asked what I met with his teacher about, it was so cute. He goes, "Was it a bad meeting or a good meeting?" and I said, "It was just a meeting to talk about things." and he goes, "Oh, so it was a...creative meeting?" and I laughed and said, "Yes! Exactly! A creative meeting." and it was left at that. I cleaned his room and their bathroom with the help of a friend who is down visiting from Monteray. She had gone to church with us and was therefore dragged to the Ex's house. lol...The Ex went on and on about how she was thankful I cleaned and was super nice without a hint of sarcasm or meanspirtedness. (is that a word?) No mention of the meeting, nothing. I'm glad. I didn't want things to be awkward because as far as our relationship goes, we get along. There is no screaming or name calling between us, (C and her is another story though) I keep my thoughts about her parenting skills to myself and we just go on all hunky-dory-like. As a person she isn't bad. Honestly if we were the same age we would probably be friends. But as my future stepchildrens mother? Depressing. C put it really well, "Honestly Ex is doing the best she can. Unfortunatly for the kids, this is her best. She lacks the capacity to care about anyone but herself, and it's sad, but true." And I agree.
Funny Moment:
My friend was all hackles up when the Ex got home because she is super protective of me. I told her to be sure and be polite. Well, the Ex looks at 9k's room, and we had stacked the bags and bags of trash outside the room in the hallway, and the Ex goes, "I hate seeing this trash in the hallway, I think I'm going to just put it all back in 9K's room for now..." Hahahhaha I saw my friends face turn purple. We suggested putting it in the trash can outside. Which we did. When we left my friend was like, "OH MY GOD. K, you weren't kidding! Who does that?!"
Sweet Sweet 7K...made a turkey with feathers that had what she was thankful for written on them. One said, I'm thankful for my mom and dad because they are nice to me. The next one said, I'm thankful for my sister because she plays with me. The next one said, I'm thankful for my teachers because they are nice...and then...on a hot pink feather...it said, I'm thankful for my step mom because she lets me play with her hair. :) *heart swelling with love* Nothing beats that feeling. I would sit through a lifetime of crappy bad news parent teacher conferences just for that feeling. :)
Friday, November 16, 2007
Not Involved vs. Too Involved
As I said in my last blog, Thursday I went to a meeting with 9K's teacher. I guess the ex was under the impression C was going (not me) but flipped her bucket when she found out just I went. She didn't want either of us setting up this meeting, saying that we were wasting the teachers time as Ex had already been to the meeting we couldn't attend and "told us everything" uh huh. Right. I will believe that the day she admits she's a horrible parent as well.
The meeting went well. The teacher is maybe 3 or 4 years older than me, so we got along great. She really likes 9K, making it a point to tell me that although he struggles so badly he is a sweet kid, and you usually don't see those two together. Troublemaker in class, bad grades but he brings her candy bars and gives her hugs. It's so sad because I know it's all just a lack of parental teaching. I believe strongly that a parent is a child's first teacher, and if you teach your child he can walk all over you, disrespect you, cuss and do what he pleases how well do you think he's going to do when he waltzes into society and gets bitch slapped by the world? Not well I can assure you. It sets him up to have a life long struggle with authority. I wish I had written this yesterday when it was all still buzzing around my head. We discussed the lack of follow through on the Ex's part. 9K is supposed to go on a trip to Sacramento in March and when teacher met with the Ex, the Ex went into her money problems (oh my god, who does this with complete strangers?) and teacher felt so badly for the Ex she made a huge chart for 9K, with days, and goals and everything. Gave it to the Ex and 9K was supposed to get a sticker every day he did his homework and would earn 2 dollars from mom toward the fifty dollar deposit on the trip. Teacher never heard another thing. (we never even knew about this.) Next we know, she's begging C's mom for the fifty to put down for the trip. Then she tells the teacher she doesn't care about losing the deposit if 9K doesn't get to go because of his grades. *snort* of course she doesn't care. It's not her money. Teacher tells me that she gave up checking 9K's homework binder for signatures because it was never done. Same with his reading log. It was downhill from there. I asked if 9K smelled okay in school and she said she was glad I brought that up because she meant to mention it to the Ex that he reeked all the time. (oh great.) I told her about how they don't get frequent showers, and the living conditions at their home leave much to be desired. She said she suspected as much. I brought up the fact that C and I have been really discussing having 9K come live with us during the week next year, (we just live too far right now, but we are looking for a place closer to them) and she said, I think the situation is drastic enough that he should move to your house NOW. That hit home. She wasn't defending the Ex (which I honestly thought she would do) and has put it to me that unless there are significant changes ASAP, 9K will slide farther and farther into the sinkhole he's in. I asked her if he will get out of 4th grade this year, and she came back with a great answer. She told me, "the question is not 'if' he will graduate 4th grade, it's 'should' he graduate 4th grade? Will holding him back hurt or help? the gap becomes wider every year but the repercussions of repeating a grade are big too." I thought that was a very insightful way of putting it. I'm wondering myself if he should or shouldn't.
So I get home, and when C gets home I discuss everything the teacher told me, showed him the writing book I was loaned to get 9K's report done over the holiday, and then the Ex calls. Screaming that I'm trying to take her place. (umm no, and I wouldn't be doing this if SHE was doing her job like we've told her to do a THOUSAND BILLION times!) So C and her start yelling (pretty usual) and C brings up the idea of 9K living with us and she goes "that will never happen!" Even though those were the arrangements when they first separated. So C tells her that it will be on her shoulders then when he doesn't get out of 4th grade and she is holding him back and impeding him from being the kid we know he can be. So we'll see where that goes...
I saved the best for last. Get. This. So Teacher and I are talking, and another teacher walks by and I get introduced as 9K's future step mom and she goes on about how much she likes 9K and, 'oh btw did Teacher give so-and-so 9K's medical tests'... huh. What tests? Teacher tells me that the Ex is...get this...trying to prove 9K has a learning disability so she can get out of doing any homework with him whatsoever. Make it so he has a special tutor for 'special' kids. Can you believe this? The boy does NOT have anything remotely close to a learning disorder. Yes, he is jumpy but dear lord introduce me to a 9 year old with a high level of testosterone that isn't! 2 years ago the Ex took the boy to get tested for ADHD and the tests showed negative. She dragged him to every doctor she could find until she found one that would give him meds. She never told C, and the only reason he found out was because 9K was acting so weird. All he wanted to do was lay on the couch, (and this is a super super active kid) so he questioned the Ex and she said, oh I put him on meds. *sigh* Needless to say, I'm glad I wasn't around for that fight. Neither C or I believe in medication for ADD or ADHD because it is just a ridiculous way for parents with high energy kids to dull them down. That's fine if you disagree with me, but hey, then don't be asinine and let your baby watch TV. It rewires their little brains and they develop ADD later in life. There are many ways to go about 'fixing' a child who has 'ADD' Set schedules. Stick to routine, don't drag things out...lots of things. Personally I think our society on a whole has ADD. But enough of that. The point is she is trying to prove he has a learning disability! When he clearly doesn't! Just so she can get out of helping him and blame it on something other than herself! UGGGH!
How I feel right now:
frustrated over all
impatient to move and get custody of 9K
nervous about working on his report with him
scared about what his mom has said to him about me 'overstepping'
glad I finally got to set the record straight and let the teacher know C and I are there for 9K
Any advice?
The meeting went well. The teacher is maybe 3 or 4 years older than me, so we got along great. She really likes 9K, making it a point to tell me that although he struggles so badly he is a sweet kid, and you usually don't see those two together. Troublemaker in class, bad grades but he brings her candy bars and gives her hugs. It's so sad because I know it's all just a lack of parental teaching. I believe strongly that a parent is a child's first teacher, and if you teach your child he can walk all over you, disrespect you, cuss and do what he pleases how well do you think he's going to do when he waltzes into society and gets bitch slapped by the world? Not well I can assure you. It sets him up to have a life long struggle with authority. I wish I had written this yesterday when it was all still buzzing around my head. We discussed the lack of follow through on the Ex's part. 9K is supposed to go on a trip to Sacramento in March and when teacher met with the Ex, the Ex went into her money problems (oh my god, who does this with complete strangers?) and teacher felt so badly for the Ex she made a huge chart for 9K, with days, and goals and everything. Gave it to the Ex and 9K was supposed to get a sticker every day he did his homework and would earn 2 dollars from mom toward the fifty dollar deposit on the trip. Teacher never heard another thing. (we never even knew about this.) Next we know, she's begging C's mom for the fifty to put down for the trip. Then she tells the teacher she doesn't care about losing the deposit if 9K doesn't get to go because of his grades. *snort* of course she doesn't care. It's not her money. Teacher tells me that she gave up checking 9K's homework binder for signatures because it was never done. Same with his reading log. It was downhill from there. I asked if 9K smelled okay in school and she said she was glad I brought that up because she meant to mention it to the Ex that he reeked all the time. (oh great.) I told her about how they don't get frequent showers, and the living conditions at their home leave much to be desired. She said she suspected as much. I brought up the fact that C and I have been really discussing having 9K come live with us during the week next year, (we just live too far right now, but we are looking for a place closer to them) and she said, I think the situation is drastic enough that he should move to your house NOW. That hit home. She wasn't defending the Ex (which I honestly thought she would do) and has put it to me that unless there are significant changes ASAP, 9K will slide farther and farther into the sinkhole he's in. I asked her if he will get out of 4th grade this year, and she came back with a great answer. She told me, "the question is not 'if' he will graduate 4th grade, it's 'should' he graduate 4th grade? Will holding him back hurt or help? the gap becomes wider every year but the repercussions of repeating a grade are big too." I thought that was a very insightful way of putting it. I'm wondering myself if he should or shouldn't.
So I get home, and when C gets home I discuss everything the teacher told me, showed him the writing book I was loaned to get 9K's report done over the holiday, and then the Ex calls. Screaming that I'm trying to take her place. (umm no, and I wouldn't be doing this if SHE was doing her job like we've told her to do a THOUSAND BILLION times!) So C and her start yelling (pretty usual) and C brings up the idea of 9K living with us and she goes "that will never happen!" Even though those were the arrangements when they first separated. So C tells her that it will be on her shoulders then when he doesn't get out of 4th grade and she is holding him back and impeding him from being the kid we know he can be. So we'll see where that goes...
I saved the best for last. Get. This. So Teacher and I are talking, and another teacher walks by and I get introduced as 9K's future step mom and she goes on about how much she likes 9K and, 'oh btw did Teacher give so-and-so 9K's medical tests'... huh. What tests? Teacher tells me that the Ex is...get this...trying to prove 9K has a learning disability so she can get out of doing any homework with him whatsoever. Make it so he has a special tutor for 'special' kids. Can you believe this? The boy does NOT have anything remotely close to a learning disorder. Yes, he is jumpy but dear lord introduce me to a 9 year old with a high level of testosterone that isn't! 2 years ago the Ex took the boy to get tested for ADHD and the tests showed negative. She dragged him to every doctor she could find until she found one that would give him meds. She never told C, and the only reason he found out was because 9K was acting so weird. All he wanted to do was lay on the couch, (and this is a super super active kid) so he questioned the Ex and she said, oh I put him on meds. *sigh* Needless to say, I'm glad I wasn't around for that fight. Neither C or I believe in medication for ADD or ADHD because it is just a ridiculous way for parents with high energy kids to dull them down. That's fine if you disagree with me, but hey, then don't be asinine and let your baby watch TV. It rewires their little brains and they develop ADD later in life. There are many ways to go about 'fixing' a child who has 'ADD' Set schedules. Stick to routine, don't drag things out...lots of things. Personally I think our society on a whole has ADD. But enough of that. The point is she is trying to prove he has a learning disability! When he clearly doesn't! Just so she can get out of helping him and blame it on something other than herself! UGGGH!
How I feel right now:
frustrated over all
impatient to move and get custody of 9K
nervous about working on his report with him
scared about what his mom has said to him about me 'overstepping'
glad I finally got to set the record straight and let the teacher know C and I are there for 9K
Any advice?
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Liar Liar Pants on Fire
OOOh. If there is one thing I hate, I hate when kids old enough to know the difference between truth and lies, lie to me. This past weekend we were told by the Ex that 9K had a writing assignment that he had not done in school that HAD to be completed. 9K told us that he had to do it Friday in ISS (in school suspension) because it was due sometime during the week, yet not completed. There was no red writing folder in his backpack, so we trusted him. He swore up and down it was done, and at school. I e-mailed his teacher letting him know what the little manipulative turkey had said, and I hoped so badly to hear back that he was being honest. Nope. This the e-mail I received back from her.
-----------
Hi K,
It's nice to see how many of you are pulling for him!--(What? All 2 of us?)-- As you know, 9K can be very manipulative. He knew he had to bring that home and that I had contacted his mom to have him finish the assignment. This is not the first time that he "doesn't have the materials" or "finished it at school."
I agree that patient, one-on-one help is essential for him. In a school setting we are not afforded the time we need to do this to the extent that 9K needs it, so it is imperative that he have home support. I have met with his mom and know that unfortunately this isn't possible daily. Knowing you have him on Wed. is great. I can send home anything requiring extra attention for you then.
If you'd like to come in and meet I am available today and Thursday. With the break coming up it would be best to do it asap. Today we could do any time between 1 and 2, or Thursday between 8 and 2. I'd think 20-30 minutes should be enough.
Please let me know which works.
It's nice to see how many of you are pulling for him!--(What? All 2 of us?)-- As you know, 9K can be very manipulative. He knew he had to bring that home and that I had contacted his mom to have him finish the assignment. This is not the first time that he "doesn't have the materials" or "finished it at school."
I agree that patient, one-on-one help is essential for him. In a school setting we are not afforded the time we need to do this to the extent that 9K needs it, so it is imperative that he have home support. I have met with his mom and know that unfortunately this isn't possible daily. Knowing you have him on Wed. is great. I can send home anything requiring extra attention for you then.
If you'd like to come in and meet I am available today and Thursday. With the break coming up it would be best to do it asap. Today we could do any time between 1 and 2, or Thursday between 8 and 2. I'd think 20-30 minutes should be enough.
Please let me know which works.
-Teacher
---------------------
So I am meeting her on Thursday to discuss this. It irratates me that all the information about how he is doing goes to his mother and we don't hear anything until after the fact. I for one, want to ground him. Not because he didn't do the assignment, but because he lied straight to our faces for 4 days about it. I want to ground him until all his grades improve. I want to ground him until he goes a month without a single report from the teacher about not completing his homework. I want to ground him till he's 30. When I lied as a competent child that's what happened to me. All privileges revoked, no friends, no TV, and a serious talk about trust that made me wish my parents would just yell and be mad. Disappointment is far worse than anger. This kid is not going to pass 4th grade at this point. At his school they have the 'character pillars', which promotes the motto, "Character Counts"
When they violate one of the 6 pillars, they get sent home with a 'character card' to sign stating which pillar was violated, what happened and a statement from the child on how to change his or her actions to not let it happen again. We just found out he gets these daily. He usually gets more than ONE daily. A packet was shoved way down in his back pack that was SO full of these I was astonished. The Ex never breathed a word of this! This seriously sets off red flags for me as an aspiring teacher. How do we move past this? Here are the 6 pillars of character. What a fantastic thing to teach in schools, I think.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Trustworthiness
One of the Six Pillars of Character is Trustworthiness. Here are some of the trustworthy behaviors we will be focusing on at school.
-Be honest
-Stand up for what you believe in.
-Keep your word.
-Return what you borrow.
-Keep promises.
-Be your best.
You can be watching for these positive behaviors in your child. When you see trustworthiness in action, show your appreciation through a compliment.
A great way to teach your child about this character trait is to discuss the trustworthiness of people in the news. This is a wonderful way to talk about current events as well as popular people’s images. What do the words and actions of movie stars, musicians, politicians, and other public figures say about their character? Are they trustworthy?
Respect
One of the Six Pillars of Character is Respect. Here are some of the ways Respect is shown:
-Courtesy
-Politeness
-Appreciation of individual differences
-Respecting others’ rights
At home, your whole family can work on being more polite and courteous to one another. Often people “forget their manners” around those with whom they are most familiar. When you raise the standards in this area, you’ll be pleased at the change.
You might also focus on the unique qualities of your family members. Each day during meal time, for example, you might all name a good trait for one person. For example, “Dad is a good storyteller. He makes me laugh. I like Dad’s pancakes.” By focusing on what each person does well, you are appreciating that person’s unique abilities. This idea can be carried outside the home, helping children to see that people who are different from you and your family have unique abilities to be admired and respected.
Have fun practicing Respect!
Responsibility
One of the Six Pillars of Character is Responsibility. We will be working on being reliable, setting a good example for others, and doing our best. A good way to reinforce responsibility at home is to give your child chores or tasks to do. The goal is to have children complete their work on their own, without reminders from you, and on time. When you assign responsibilities to family members, be sure the task is understood and a time frame for getting it done is clear. You might need to check on progress from time to time, especially if the job is a new one.
It is a great idea to plan with your child a regular schedule for him or her to use in completing homework and other school or extracurricular activities. Often students need a structure and a time frame in which to complete their responsibilities on their own.
Responsibility also can include having self-control, choosing to have a positive attitude, and being persistent.
Fairness
Fairness is one of the Six Pillars of Character. At school we will be talking about ways to promote Fairness, such as:
-Be open-minded.
-Listen to others.
-Try to understand what others are saying and feeling.
-Be careful making judgments about others.
-Be consistent.
-Treat people equally and equitably.
When you hear the age-old whine, “It’s not fair!” from your child, ask him or her what is unfair about the situation. In talking through these problems, you can teach a good lesson on what Fairness is.
Caring
One of the Six Pillars of Character is Caring. We will be showing that we care about one another at school through kindness, sharing, compassion, and helpfulness. We will be remembering to treat others as we would like to be treated.
You and your family can show kindness at home by giving each other anonymous ‘secret buddy’ notes, doing small chores as a surprise for others, and family members can ‘catch’ each other in the act of kindness.
Being charitable is another way of demonstrating Caring. Together as a family, you could select a group, a cause, or a needy individual to help. Putting other people’s needs in front of your own, is a good way to show that you care about them!
Citizenship
One of the Six Pillars of Character is citizenship. Here are some of the ways good citizenship is shown:
-Play by the rules.
-Obey laws, and respect authority.
-Do your share of the work.
-Be charitable, and help by volunteering your time.
-Be good neighbors.
-Protect the environment and conserve natural resources.
It would be wonderful if your family could discuss ways to be a good citizen. A way for your child to practice citizenship would be through following family rules, school rules, and game rules. Volunteering to help others and taking care of the environment are ways to show good citizenship. Perhaps you can recycle more, plant trees on special occasions, or participate in litter cleanup projects.
Have fun practicing good citizenship!
When they violate one of the 6 pillars, they get sent home with a 'character card' to sign stating which pillar was violated, what happened and a statement from the child on how to change his or her actions to not let it happen again. We just found out he gets these daily. He usually gets more than ONE daily. A packet was shoved way down in his back pack that was SO full of these I was astonished. The Ex never breathed a word of this! This seriously sets off red flags for me as an aspiring teacher. How do we move past this? Here are the 6 pillars of character. What a fantastic thing to teach in schools, I think.
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Trustworthiness
One of the Six Pillars of Character is Trustworthiness. Here are some of the trustworthy behaviors we will be focusing on at school.
-Be honest
-Stand up for what you believe in.
-Keep your word.
-Return what you borrow.
-Keep promises.
-Be your best.
You can be watching for these positive behaviors in your child. When you see trustworthiness in action, show your appreciation through a compliment.
A great way to teach your child about this character trait is to discuss the trustworthiness of people in the news. This is a wonderful way to talk about current events as well as popular people’s images. What do the words and actions of movie stars, musicians, politicians, and other public figures say about their character? Are they trustworthy?
Respect
One of the Six Pillars of Character is Respect. Here are some of the ways Respect is shown:
-Courtesy
-Politeness
-Appreciation of individual differences
-Respecting others’ rights
At home, your whole family can work on being more polite and courteous to one another. Often people “forget their manners” around those with whom they are most familiar. When you raise the standards in this area, you’ll be pleased at the change.
You might also focus on the unique qualities of your family members. Each day during meal time, for example, you might all name a good trait for one person. For example, “Dad is a good storyteller. He makes me laugh. I like Dad’s pancakes.” By focusing on what each person does well, you are appreciating that person’s unique abilities. This idea can be carried outside the home, helping children to see that people who are different from you and your family have unique abilities to be admired and respected.
Have fun practicing Respect!
Responsibility
One of the Six Pillars of Character is Responsibility. We will be working on being reliable, setting a good example for others, and doing our best. A good way to reinforce responsibility at home is to give your child chores or tasks to do. The goal is to have children complete their work on their own, without reminders from you, and on time. When you assign responsibilities to family members, be sure the task is understood and a time frame for getting it done is clear. You might need to check on progress from time to time, especially if the job is a new one.
It is a great idea to plan with your child a regular schedule for him or her to use in completing homework and other school or extracurricular activities. Often students need a structure and a time frame in which to complete their responsibilities on their own.
Responsibility also can include having self-control, choosing to have a positive attitude, and being persistent.
Fairness
Fairness is one of the Six Pillars of Character. At school we will be talking about ways to promote Fairness, such as:
-Be open-minded.
-Listen to others.
-Try to understand what others are saying and feeling.
-Be careful making judgments about others.
-Be consistent.
-Treat people equally and equitably.
When you hear the age-old whine, “It’s not fair!” from your child, ask him or her what is unfair about the situation. In talking through these problems, you can teach a good lesson on what Fairness is.
Caring
One of the Six Pillars of Character is Caring. We will be showing that we care about one another at school through kindness, sharing, compassion, and helpfulness. We will be remembering to treat others as we would like to be treated.
You and your family can show kindness at home by giving each other anonymous ‘secret buddy’ notes, doing small chores as a surprise for others, and family members can ‘catch’ each other in the act of kindness.
Being charitable is another way of demonstrating Caring. Together as a family, you could select a group, a cause, or a needy individual to help. Putting other people’s needs in front of your own, is a good way to show that you care about them!
Citizenship
One of the Six Pillars of Character is citizenship. Here are some of the ways good citizenship is shown:
-Play by the rules.
-Obey laws, and respect authority.
-Do your share of the work.
-Be charitable, and help by volunteering your time.
-Be good neighbors.
-Protect the environment and conserve natural resources.
It would be wonderful if your family could discuss ways to be a good citizen. A way for your child to practice citizenship would be through following family rules, school rules, and game rules. Volunteering to help others and taking care of the environment are ways to show good citizenship. Perhaps you can recycle more, plant trees on special occasions, or participate in litter cleanup projects.
Have fun practicing good citizenship!
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I think I'm going to print these out and put them on the fridge and starting giving out my own character cards. Perhaps that would help him. Consistency is the key. If he gets it all week in school, plus at our house maybe that will help him. That is all he needs. Consistency! I wish so badly he had the support system he needs so desperately...I see now why C wants him to live with us and just visit his mom, instead of the way it is now. I want him to have the brightest future possible. He is such an amazing, loving, talented and smart kid I hate to see things in the mess they are now because of a wretched divorce. It's just not fair to the kids. Luckily it's only 9K. His sister, 7K, loves school and homework. Hope everyone else is having a good school year! Go out and build some character!
What's wrong with this picture
To expand on the stinkiness of my youngest step daughter...4K and her sister share a room at their moms house...and it is SOO SOOOOOO filthy. I can't even begin to describe the filth. Knee deep. How's that? Well today I had the kids by myself because it's a holiday so I didn't work and they didn't have school. Which also means... I had to drop them off. Alone. *dun dun dun* I asked the Ex if she would mind me cleaning the kids rooms when I got there because then at least maybe I could do SOMETHING to spare them the vile mess they live in. So the Ex said sure and by the way she wasn't going to be home and oh, would I be so kind as to watch the chillins until she gets back? (half an hour she swears) So she left at one, I didn't get to her house till 1:30 and ummm she didn't get home till 6:30. But I certainly kept myself busy! I spent those entire 5 hours cleaning the girls room! I didn't take a single break. It was so disgusting. My teenage dirty brothers room isn't as bad as this was. She claims they have no clothes...Well maybe that's because they are on the bottom of the knee deep piles of TRASH. I can't even begin to tell you how foul it was. I am one of those weird people that gets personal satisfaction out of organization and tearing apart a whole room and redoing EVERYTHING doesn't really daunt me. I gutted it. I took all the furniture out. I took all the toys out (that I didn't throw out!). Then I had to vacuum like 20 times because the carpet was SO dirty. Then I got down on hands and knees to pick melted crayon off the carpet. Most of their clothes were in their brothers room, so I retrieved them, moved the dresser out of the closet (I know, What is that in their for?) and rearranged the furniture and put all the clothes in their designated drawers and all the toys I didn't throw away finally had a home in the fully shelved closet that was previously completely blocked off by the dresser. Oh and get this. The dresser was full of clothes! Buut...you know what size these clothes were? 6 months-18 months. That's right. A girl who wears 4T and a girl who wears size 7 live in this room. And their dresser was chock full of baby clothes. Yucky baby clothes at that. I mean, I understand saving precious memorable stuff. But seriously, this was just crazy. So I took out all the clothes that were 20 sizes too small and put them in a big box in HER room! :) I let her know she could go through them if she pleased. They had shoes (piles and piles of shoes) that didn't fit either of them that were just trashed and gross. (again, nothing to save) Not a single thing was folded. 7K kept her clothes in a broken drawer under her bed, because there was no where else for her to put them. It was downright depressing. But, it is beautiful now. Clean, organized...ahh...So the Ex gets home and you know what she says? "oh. thanks....you didn't do 9K's room?" *pause* WHAAT WOMAN?! I just spent 5 hours doing the most back breaking cleaning I've ever had to do in a child's bedroom and all you have to say is 'gee why didn't you do his room too?" This is where in my head I'm smacking her. She. Just. Doesn't. Get. It. It is beyond her range of understanding.
How did she get past the point in evolution where we walked on two legs? Her responses to seemingly easy-respond situations astound me. Does anyone else ever look at their fiance/husband and think, "Wow. What drug was HE on when he married this wacko?" Because I do. All the time.
How did she get past the point in evolution where we walked on two legs?In other news. I have decided that stressing myself out about the condition in which the children arrive in our care is not worth the time and effort. Yes. They are dirty. Yes that is bothersome. But I'm NOT, I say, NOT going to spend the next fourteen years stressing over the minor things. They are fed. They are alive. It's nothing a good bath, and a washing machine can't fix. *happy note* I taught 7K how to wash her own hair today. That should up her cleanliness level. She was pretty excited about being able to do it all by herself. Oh and before I left the ex's house...7K grabs me and drags me up to her newly beautified room and asks me to pick out her outfit for the next day. (standard procedure with C and I at night) It made me smile. I'm glad to see I'm rubbing off on them. :) Perhaps there is luck for their future living spaces after all...
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Nobody Likes The Smelly Kid...
Everyone can remember this kid. The one who's hair was so greasy it shone like someone put crisco in it. Their clothes were torn or just plain filthy. Their shoes had duct tape on them. We made fun of this kid. We teased them behind their back. The really mean kids teased them to their face. We just thought they were dirty. Did anyone as a small child sit back and think, oh, it's the parents fault? No, of course not.
I'm horribly embarrassed to say, on Friday when picking up 4k from daycare, I was told in very plain terms that I, Queen of Cleanliness is Next to Godliness, am stepmom to, "The Smelly Kid" I turned bright red. I almost called the Ex right there on the spot. The daycare providers told me that THEY are now giving her baths because she is so dirty. That she comes there in the same clothes day after day after day. That sometimes she's in pjs and the Ex says, "She fought me on getting dressed so she's just wearing this." It's decently cold outside, and she's wearing a summer dress when I pick her up. Her hair stinks. They tell me that they will do her hair on a Thursday and she comes in with it still done Friday and then..STILL on Monday. She will go a week without a bath from her mother. One even told me she babysat at the Ex's house and was so disgusted she never went back. I was horrified. They told me they knew it wasn't me...and said they want to tell the Ex to start acting like a MOM because I guess she complains to them about everything and why she can't seem to get a 4 year old into the bath tub. They said that at least 4k has two good parents who care. *sigh* at least they know it's not me. This is the first time I've picked her up by myself from daycare. I was so mortified. I just...I just don't know how someone who calls themselves a mom even DARES to let her child become "The Smelly Kid" I've discussed 50/50 custody with C. It's just unfortunate we don't live closer to their school to make it possible right now. In the summer I really want to push for it though. 2 weeks at our house, 2 weeks at hers. I think it would be good for everyone.
To add to it all 7k and 9k are just as bad. 9k is to that age where he can take a shower, but he just gets wet. Then he gets fuuuuuurious when you tell him he smells like wet dog and to get right back in and wash. 7k still takes baths for the most part, so she is usually just as stinky as 4k. Their breath REEKS when we pick them up. I don't think they are brushing their teeth. That or they eat poop when no ones looking.
It doesn't help that the Ex lacks personal hygiene as well. Her hair is always streaked with grease and nasty looking.
It's gut wrenching to think they live like this, and that in their minds it is acceptable. It's OKAY to wear shoes with duct tape around them because your mom says she's too broke to buy you new ones. It's OKAY to own only one pair of boxers, and your mom packs underwear 4 sizes too small because you don't have anything else. We give her money and she says she has to use it for bills and "next time" she'll buy you boxers. It's OKAY that all your clothes are filthy and your hair's never brushed. But yet, it's WEIRD that I want you to bathe and I enjoy doing your hair and picking out your outfits for the morning. It's STUPID I make you brush your teeth. It's MEAN you can't wear your shoes that are half duct tape. It's MEAN your dad makes you take a second shower because you didn't wash. We're MEAN because we don't let you eat crap all day long and expect you to eat your dinner.
How warped will this make them? Am I blowing this out of proportion? Am I just some freak who 'doesn't really know' because they aren't mine? I'm fed up. I want to smack her. Right upside her greasy head. Even if that means getting on a step stool to do so because she's so much taller than me. I want to scream, "REALITY CHECK!" in her ear. I wish we had them full time so they would know that people shouldn't live like that. Are they going to grow up dirty? Or will they be perpetual clean freaks because of it? So many questions and never any answers.
-The step mom of the smelly dirty kids (except Wednesdays and every other weekend)
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
The intricate balance beam act
As many before me have said, Stepmotherhood is a balance between caring too much and not caring enough. This came out in it's truest form on Halloween. Speaking of, I hope everyone had a really good one!
For all intensive purposes I knew that 9K was going to be off with his friends for the evening and I was well aware of the fact I wouldn't see him. Just for the record. So when I called C after trick-or-treating with my sister and he said we weren't going to see the girls, after countless promises that I would be there, needless to say, I got a little pissed. I guess we weren't going because the Ex's father was going to be walking with them as well, and C and Ex's Dad don't get along. Well I told him in a very colorful way that no matter what he did, I was going. I wanted to see the girls, I promised to see the girls and I. Was. Going.
When we got there the Ex was exhausted (after 2 streets? lol) Her dad had gone home, and she told us to take them the rest of the way because she needed a glass of whine, oops I mean wine. So we took the girls alone and it was very nice. I thought all was well until the car ride back. Silence is never good. So I ask whats wrong and I got REAMED about wanting to see the girls but apparently not wanting to see 9K. But. But. But. I knew we weren't going to be seeing him!! I don't understand! Now I don't care?! What?! I didn't even know where to go with this. He thought I didn't know that 9K was going with friends, and I just didn't even care to see him. *ugh* This took a lot of talking to smooth out.
As it is, I am particularly fond of 4K. I have a soft spot for little ones, especially cuddly little ones. Sometimes I need reminders that there are 2 other kids that also relish my affection. I really have a hard time realizing this because I was raised that attention and affection were directly proportionate to your age and size. As you get older physical affection turns to verbal praise, and attention is greatly paid in areas of art, sports and academics. No, I'm not going to watch you blow up the guys on the computer game nor am I going to squeal gleefully when you sneeze into a glass. But show me your finished homework, or a new trick on your skateboard and I will watch and praise until the sun goes down.
I guess it all goes back to that I was never a physically affectionate child. My mom said from day 1 I pushed her away and she cried and cried saying I didn't love her. I'm just not in snuggle mode 24/7. Especially if you are sticky or dirty.
And now, an excert from Linda Goodmans Sun Signs about the Capricorn Woman :) This is so very much me.
She'll probably instill both thrift and a respect for quality in the youngsters. She'll teach them to "Eat it up, wear it out, make it do or do without." Still, they'll be served the best cuts of meat, and she'll buy them the finest make of shoes. To her, economy does not have to mean cheap. The children will be expected to be polite to relatives and elders, and they'll probably learn excellent manners. They won't be pampered or allowed to willfully disobey. Sticky kisses may not be welcome, but few mothers are more devoted than the female goat. Her children will get a courteous listening ear. She may be a little strict and unsympathetic to their growing pains, but she'll be a fascinated audience for their achievements. The child who runs home from school and shouts, "Guess what I learned today," won't be ignored by the Capricorn mother, who will never be too busy to give her youngsters her interest and attention. After they become teenagers, she may need some help in understanding her children's enthusiastic dreams. She may leam the hard way that she can't dictate their friendships and confine them to "acceptable" people. But she's intelligent enough to adjust and pull in her horns if it looks as though she'll lose more than she'll gain.-
So honestly, how is one to deal when you favor one child over the others? Since they are not your biological children you certainly do not love them all the same nor should you be expected to. They are just like every other person you have met, some you click with and some you don't. I do love all three, don't get me wrong. But when I go shopping...I buy things for 4K. I probably spoil her more than her brother or sister. C finally told me he does know that I love 4K most, but reminded me of the 2 others who want attention too, even though my upbringing would lead me to believe my attention is needed, yes, but not on a constant/all the time basis like 4K, since she's the smallest. Please my dear fellow writers, tell me what you do, when you favor one more than the others???
For all intensive purposes I knew that 9K was going to be off with his friends for the evening and I was well aware of the fact I wouldn't see him. Just for the record. So when I called C after trick-or-treating with my sister and he said we weren't going to see the girls, after countless promises that I would be there, needless to say, I got a little pissed. I guess we weren't going because the Ex's father was going to be walking with them as well, and C and Ex's Dad don't get along. Well I told him in a very colorful way that no matter what he did, I was going. I wanted to see the girls, I promised to see the girls and I. Was. Going.
When we got there the Ex was exhausted (after 2 streets? lol) Her dad had gone home, and she told us to take them the rest of the way because she needed a glass of whine, oops I mean wine. So we took the girls alone and it was very nice. I thought all was well until the car ride back. Silence is never good. So I ask whats wrong and I got REAMED about wanting to see the girls but apparently not wanting to see 9K. But. But. But. I knew we weren't going to be seeing him!! I don't understand! Now I don't care?! What?! I didn't even know where to go with this. He thought I didn't know that 9K was going with friends, and I just didn't even care to see him. *ugh* This took a lot of talking to smooth out.
How do you deal when you favor one step child over another?
As it is, I am particularly fond of 4K. I have a soft spot for little ones, especially cuddly little ones. Sometimes I need reminders that there are 2 other kids that also relish my affection. I really have a hard time realizing this because I was raised that attention and affection were directly proportionate to your age and size. As you get older physical affection turns to verbal praise, and attention is greatly paid in areas of art, sports and academics. No, I'm not going to watch you blow up the guys on the computer game nor am I going to squeal gleefully when you sneeze into a glass. But show me your finished homework, or a new trick on your skateboard and I will watch and praise until the sun goes down.
I guess it all goes back to that I was never a physically affectionate child. My mom said from day 1 I pushed her away and she cried and cried saying I didn't love her. I'm just not in snuggle mode 24/7. Especially if you are sticky or dirty.
And now, an excert from Linda Goodmans Sun Signs about the Capricorn Woman :) This is so very much me.
She'll probably instill both thrift and a respect for quality in the youngsters. She'll teach them to "Eat it up, wear it out, make it do or do without." Still, they'll be served the best cuts of meat, and she'll buy them the finest make of shoes. To her, economy does not have to mean cheap. The children will be expected to be polite to relatives and elders, and they'll probably learn excellent manners. They won't be pampered or allowed to willfully disobey. Sticky kisses may not be welcome, but few mothers are more devoted than the female goat. Her children will get a courteous listening ear. She may be a little strict and unsympathetic to their growing pains, but she'll be a fascinated audience for their achievements. The child who runs home from school and shouts, "Guess what I learned today," won't be ignored by the Capricorn mother, who will never be too busy to give her youngsters her interest and attention. After they become teenagers, she may need some help in understanding her children's enthusiastic dreams. She may leam the hard way that she can't dictate their friendships and confine them to "acceptable" people. But she's intelligent enough to adjust and pull in her horns if it looks as though she'll lose more than she'll gain.-
So honestly, how is one to deal when you favor one child over the others? Since they are not your biological children you certainly do not love them all the same nor should you be expected to. They are just like every other person you have met, some you click with and some you don't. I do love all three, don't get me wrong. But when I go shopping...I buy things for 4K. I probably spoil her more than her brother or sister. C finally told me he does know that I love 4K most, but reminded me of the 2 others who want attention too, even though my upbringing would lead me to believe my attention is needed, yes, but not on a constant/all the time basis like 4K, since she's the smallest. Please my dear fellow writers, tell me what you do, when you favor one more than the others???
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