Relating, Retelling, Reviving: September 2008

Agreed, says I. But it has in fact been working. After fits, protests, screaming and going boneless crying, he has finally started to realize I mean biz-ness. I even spoke with his teacher about it, and she said just what clevergirl did. :) He is now actively trying to solve problems on his own instead of wanting me to explain every problem basically solving it for him. Laziness is most certainly the sin of the year in this household. Drives me batty. Thank you everyone for the encouragement, and support, it means a lot to me to read all your comments.

Now onto what I am struggling with today. I want to invite the Ex to church. It bothers me that she doesn't go, and I know it bothers the kids. She also says, "Oh my G" which is banned in our household. I don't know how to go about it though. Also I don't know how I would be able to sit back and 'share' my most comforting, renewing and relaxing moments of my week. I pray for her all the time, that she finds peace with God, and is changed by Him, but yet I myself am not being Christlike when I selfishly hold MY church to myself. It should be something I should seek to help her, being what I want to be instead of what I am. We are not good people who sometimes do bad things, we are bad people who sometimes do good things, because if we were good people who did bad things we could be consistantly good, but that's impossible. So I seek to be the better person, and share the solice I find in God. The selfish part of me wants her to say no. But I also think that if she just heard what our Pastor preached on, it would move her heart. And that means more to me than my own comfort. So I think today, I am going to pull her aside, since she is talking to me again, and invite her to come Sunday. I'll even try not to wince. :)

I was sitting in church this morning, and for the first time in a long time I got out the piece of paper in the little pamphlet they give you marked 'sermon notes'. I took this paper out, and started writing. I've been having a really hard time with the relationship between 10K and I lately. I keep telling C that I just finished that whole puberty thing and I'm not ready to do it again with this overnight brat that took the place of the sweet boy I met 2 years ago. 10 going on 15 if you ask me. He's rude, disrespectful and downright mean. All we do is fight lately. I've had it up to my neck with it. All I can do is throw my hands in the air and tell him, "my mother would have SLAPPED that look you're giving me right now off my face so hard, my head would spin." It takes everything to control the urge to teach him some serious respect. Don't worry....don't go calling CPS on me, I'm not going to do it. Perhaps I couldn't have said that in full sincerity if I had not had my "Ah-Ha" moment today. I decided I do not have to put up with his attitude. I've tried so hard to be a good mother to a boy whose own mother has abandoned him, but to be frank, I am NOT his mother, nor will I ever be. C has gotten very used to me being the strict hand in this house and I'm tired of being the bad guy. C leaves all the minor disciplining to me, while he steps in when it is larger and someone is in need of a spanking. I'm tired of it. Princess was over last night, and her and 8K and 5K were playing with my newest addition, Molly Monster the precious attack kitten C got me. Well, they wouldn't stop chasing my baby all over the house no matter how many times I said, "Stop chasing that poor kitten!" and finally I snapped because 5K was sticking her hand under the recliner trying to grab Molly. I meant to shout her name, but as it is when you're frazzled and pissed, I shouted Princesses name instead. Princess looked up at me in a look of utter horror and I quickly recanted and shouted 5K's name instead. 8K said, "Wow I know you didn't mean to shout Princess because you would NEVER yell at her like that." Which, is very true. I have never raised my voice, shouted, or done more than raise an eyebrow at my sister. She is my favorite person in the whole world and she looks up to me as her big sister, and it has always been that way. She has never once made me angry to the point my stepkids seem to be able to push me to in a matter of minutes. She has always listened to everything I say, ask her to do, or whatever. She is helpful, bright, beautiful, and I consider her to be just like me, but better. She is everything I wish I was, athletic, a fantastic pianist and vocalist, just thinking of her and her accomplishments makes my heart beam with pride. She loves to read just like me, she is quick-witted like me, and just so smart. Anyways, I was thinking about my sister and my relationship, and how I wish dearly I could have that with my stepkids. As I know this is a completely different relationship, and really isn't possible, I wish for it anyways.
As I was saying before that tangent, I'm done putting up with 10K's disrespect. When he gets home this afternoon I am going to sit down and have a long talk with him. I've decided I'm sick of yelling, and I'm sick of his attitude, as much as I'm sure he is sick of my harping and yelling and punishing. From now on I am going to ask him to do something once and that's it. The second he starts giving me attitude and disrespect no matter if it's at dinner or while doing homework, I am going to not say a word, but just walk away. If he wants continued help with homework or whatever it is he's griping about, he can come, apologize, and ask for me to continue helping. Which I will gladly do. When I ask him to do something I will only ask once. We are going to make a list of consequences if he fails to do as he was asked within a reasonable time. I will no longer harp on him, tell him to do it now, or ask repeatedly if he is done. I think this will avert a lot of tension in our home. If he fails to do as asked, it will be his fathers job to enforce the consequence, not mine. Therefore most of the "asking" will be done by C from now on, even if I have to ask C to ask 10K to do whatever it is. I am no longer in punishment mode. I will not enforce, nor give out punishments any longer. C is his father, and I have helped him in the sector for far too long. I can't express how tired I am of being the 'bad guy' while C sits back and doesn't step in till we are both screaming. I will let everyone know how this situation works out :) I freakin hate teenagers. lol