Sickies

I have been really sick the past few weeks. I got better for about 3 days and now I'm feeling so light headed I had to have C drive me to work. I am dizzy and burning up but my feet are cold. Fan-Freakin-Tastic. :P

I'll be back with more as soon as I don't feel like the chair is getting swept out from under me.

Hope all your Christmas' were good, ours was wonderful. The kids got SO much stuff. SO SO much. lol...I was always jealous as a child of kids who got two christmas' like that...now my prespective is much different but dude, these kids do get way more than kids whose parents aren't divorced! Although it doesn't make up for the emotional pain...ever. I'm sorry if i'm rambling..I'm going to go lie down now. :P

-Poor Poor K

Things I'm Thankful For/Step-mom's letter to santa

Since I posted my last post I've taken a few minutes to breathe deeply and think about good things. I decided to write them down.

First off, I'm thankful I have a fiance who loves me unconditionally and is able to tolerate me day in and day out.

I'm thankful for three step kids who, no matter where they wish they were, love me very much.

I'm thankful I got into my collage of choice, I just found out yesterday.

I'm thankful one of my dance students was thoughtful and brought me a gift for Christmas.

I'm thankful I can wake up in the morning and be happy to go to work, and my work is equally happy to see me.

I'm thankful I have a roof over my head, decent furniture and I live with 2 (decently) tidy guys.

I'm thankful for my grandma who talked some sense into my mom while she was visiting.

I'm thankful my parents are being more open to C and the kids.

I'm thankful C's parents are so great to me.

I'm thankful I am walking with God and have found a wonderful church.

I'm thankful I got to be there yesterday when my 9 year old sister, Princess got her ears pierced. (such a trooper!)

I'm thankful I will have a little extra money to go Christmas shopping with this week.

I'm thankful for my friends who are kind to the kids and don't try and tell me I'm crazy (believe me, I already know that.)

I'm sure there are many more things I am thankful for, but that's what came to my mind in the past 10 minutes. I feel better now. *sniff sniff*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A friend of mine posted this as a bulletin on myspace, but I thought I would steal it. :)
This is the mom version, but then I flipped a few phrases and made my own out of it below :)


Dear Santa, I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor and sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:
I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.
I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere.
If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone. On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.
I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.
If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container. If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.
Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.
Yours Always,
MOM...
P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.

~~~~~My version~~~~~

Dear Santa, I've been a good step-mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled her children, even when they didn't want it. I've picked-up, dropped-off and bent over backwards just to spend more time with them. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my step-daughter's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.
Here are my Christmas wishes: I'd like a thank-you, just once in a while for all the hard work that goes into raising kids that aren't mine, and perhaps you can make the ex more (human) I mean understanding. Please make her see that even though I still have my figure, not to be jealous because I've given everything else that is required of a mom to the kids but with none of small bonuses (like Mommy Christmas Presents made at school) she gets.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, K" to boost my parental confidence, along with three kids who don't fight and two large fishbowl Margarita's 'on-the-house' whenever I venture into a restaurant. I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "I don't care what happens at your mom's house" and "Yes you have to take baths every night," because my voice seems to be just out of my step-kid's hearing range and can only be heard by the dogs.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for a deluxe transportation system to get them from one house to the other, or at least make her drive some of the time. If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce the children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.
Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my step-daughter saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think she wants her crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,
step-MOM...
P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep these beautiful angels young enough to believe in Santa, always.

Good Guy vs. Bad Guy

So yesterday I picked up 9K from school right when school got out. He was so excited not to have to go to ESS and things were looking good. He told me he felt great because he got to turn in all his homework, didn't get detention or any character cards. He said he felt like a new person. I thought the day was going well. (hahaha stupid me.)

I took him with me to my dance class and he sat working on his homework. C met us there because we were going to my brother's girlfriend's dance recital when I was done. C got there about halfway through my class, took 9K out of the room with all his work/backpack. When I finished I asked C, "Did you check 9K's work?" "Yes, I checked it. It's done." was the reply I received, so off we headed to Kelsey's dance recital. We finished up, stopped by the bookstore to pick up a book for 9K's book exchange at school and headed home. It was 8:30 when we got home. 9K still had one homework assignment to do that had to wait till we got home because he needed a dictionary. I pull it out and in the process look over the "checked" homework. Needless to say, it was filled out but all wrong. I showed it to C and got really mad he told me he checked it when obviously he had not. His response, "I looked at it, it looked done." What?! WHAAT?! He KNOWS 9K just fills stuff in. He KNOWS it has to be corrected. I would have told them to just go home and work on it and gone to the recital myself if I knew he had to redo everything! So now here I am, the bad guy telling him he has to redo it, while C is playing online poker and 9K is having an emotional break down. C just ignores it while 9K screams at me he wishes he was at his mom's house because she doesn't make him redo work. I have to sit down and redo this stupid shit with him and now it's 9 o'clock. C yells at him to knock it off from the other room, (Oh gee, thanks. That helped a TON) And 9K starts pulling his hair, crying and saying he wants to shoot himself and then that he would rather stab himself than do this, or that he would rather live on the street than have to do homework. He starts calling himself stupid over and over and he just can't seem to catch his breath and calm down. This goes on for about 15 minutes and I'm just sitting there horrified. This is straight out of a Dr. Phil episode. Finally he calms down and starts to focus, we finish that assignment but now there are 2 more he has to do so I tell him he can wake up early and finish them. C tells me he will get up with him in the morning and do it. I go stand in the shower and cry.

So this morning I wake up, and C is getting dressed and I asked him what time it was (because they were supposed to wake up at 5:45 to get his work done) and he says, it's 6:45. They have to leave at 7. I was so pissed. First he blows it off the previous night, then he screws it up that morning. I don't want this to wind up causing problems for C and I, but it looks like it's going to. I just don't see how it's fair I am the bad guy while C gets to be the good guy. Hmmff. Not Fair! (says the 3 year old in me)

9K

Ahhh so...Last night was 9K's first night living with us. Tonight was the first night doing homework. He has a chart that goes through the end of January and if he completes it, he gets to go on a trip to Big Bear and go snowboarding with his dad. :) Tonight was difficult. It was a lot of 'I've already done this!!!' But yet, he doesn't know the answers and I feel like he's going to end up hating me because I make him work hard and take showers and brush his teeth and his mom does nothing of the sort...Her place is going to become so fun and great while ours transforms from tranquil yet organized to a constant war front. Please tell me it gets easier....

Gimme a V, Dot the I, Curl the C-T-O-R-Y! VICTORY!

As everyone that reads my pathetic little ramblings of mumbo jumbo and whining knows, C and I have been trying to get the Ex to let 9K live with us. We prayed on it everyday. So get this! Sunday, the Ex takes C outside to 'talk' then I get invited out like 20 minutes later to hear, lo and behold, either God sat down with the Ex and had a heart to heart, or a flower pot fell off a window sill and hit her on the head, because words I never expected to hear were coming out of her mouth.

And I quote:
The Ex: I can't take him anymore. He's in my face yelling at me, throwing his hands up like a gang banger, he is wearing bandanna's under his hats, and now he wants to toilet paper houses.
Me: *stunned silence*...That sounds difficult.
The Ex: It's crazy. I love him so much (Que crying) he's my son you know? But I can't control him and I'm scared for myself and for his sisters if he stays here.
Me: (I said something but I don't remember what it was...I felt awful she was crying)
The Ex: C has control over him, and I know he respects you, K. You are that perfect balance between toughness and love.
Me: Ah, well, ya know, I try.
The Ex: No, really. I want that maternal figure around him, but you can do that K, and I can't.
Me: *stunned silence once again*

I can't believe she wants to do whats best for her son. I can't believe she admitted that SHE thinks I can do it...

Crazy what comes from prayer....

New Schedule:
All Kids: Wednesday night (new addition: They sleep over and we take them to school/daycare in the AM) Still every other weekend.
9K-will be with us ALL days except Thursday evenings and every other Friday and Saturday with pickup at 10:00 AM on Sunday. (even on her weekend)

She willingly cut her visitation down to less than 8 days a month. Waking hours she will be with him? Less than 2 full days. Wow. I only hope God gives me the strength I will need to raise this boy. There is going to be a lot of change around here!!! Pray for us... and Hoooray for a fabulous Victory!