Entering the life of a childless weekend stepmom

I prefer the term bonus mom, but people kinda look at you funny until you say, "I am their step-mom" and then that ah-ha moment crosses their face followed by the 'look' from the 9 year old to me, assessing we look more like brother and sister than step mom and step son. This is entirely probable since my youngest sibling is a year younger than my soon-to-be step son. Hey, it's not my fault he went from a woman old enough to be MY mother, to someone too young to be a biomom to a 9 year old. Since my fiance proposed I've been reading all these blogs from great step moms and have really enjoyed them. Many, many of them made me thankful for my situation, and a few made me want to call the ex-wife and personally thank her for not being like some of these evil EVVVVIL witches I've read about. (I couldn't bring myself to do it though.)

So, a little about me.

I'm 22, engaged to a man 10 years older than myself who has 3 wonderful children. I am blessed in the fact they love me very very much and I fully return the sentiments. They are 3, 6, and 9. I've read so many horror stories about stepmoms that dislike/barely tolerate or even dispise their step kids. I couldn't imagine feeling that way and WANTING to go through with the wedding! I would make like a bandit, if that were me...but luckily it is not. As far as ex-wives go, his isn't the worst, actually I think she could take a pretty high score compared with most of the ones I've read about. She doesn't hate me, doesn't say things to make the kids feel bad for loving me, doesn't alienate the kids from their dad and recognizes I'm not trying to take her place. I always want to be seen as a trusted adult who is still young enough to play. Mostly since their mom is so old she doesn't get very physical with them, so I make it a point to play with them in the pool, on the floor or where ever, and watch the boy skateboard/bike with enthusiasm. I don't want to do things she does with them because, A) they would compare activity with Mom vs activity with me maybe causing some guilt about having fun with me too (which I NEVER want) B) if I were the ex I would feel threatened and C) I'm simply not her. I am however sure to enforce that I am an adult that needs to be treated with respect and dignity, and I will treat them the same. I have rules that are enforced in my house that aren't in hers. Baths every night, clean clothes every day, hair and teeth get brushed after bath, no TV when there is something to do outside, no junk food and no whining. Luckily disapline is not an issue with my fiance, I don't have to go running to him everytime they misbehave or don't listen. We took it very slow though, for the first few months of us being together and all of us hanging out I was just someone cool to play with. Any issues I let him handle it and kept my mouth shut. After a few months I would say little things, and when we moved in together we went over our house rules and he made it very clear that this was my house too and I am to be heeded. There haven't been any big fights with, "you're not my mother you can't tell me what to do!" like I'm sure I will encounter during those *shudder* dreaded teenage years...

Anyways, I am an optomisitic (aka CrAzY) person and I just hope to add to the wonderful collection of blogs out there about being a step mom, because damnit, there need to be more!