Fires cont.

So we survived through the fires. Life has been SO hectic since then that I've no time to post. First off, thank God none of my family lost their homes. Only 3 members of our church lost theirs which is a miracle because our church is right beneath the worst burn area.

Well, that's good at least. On a bad note, a lot of people are losing their jobs. Including C. He was working for a rain gutter company doing sales and canvasing but HEY! No one gives a rats ass about home improvement right now because, one, lord only knows how this is going to affect the economy, and two, who is thinking about rain gutters when fire season isn't even over for 2 more months! My dad is worried about his job and he is a VP for a very large title company. Real estate is going down the tubes...*sigh* How depressing.

Okay I'm done with my pity party. :) Cutest thing this weekend: We were all watching the movie Torque and I was oogling the hot main guy, Ford (Martin Henderson) and I told the girls that he's my boyfriend and C says "He's fou-fou." So I start laughing and denying his 'fou-fou-ness'. The kids don't say anything at this moment. A few minutes later, C and I get up to step outside for a smoke and 4K comes around the corner before we walk outside, and says, "K?" and I say, "what honey?" and she goes "you're boyfriend's fou-fou." Then turns around and walks back into the living room. Haha, I don't care, I still think he's hot. :)

Fires

Currently I'm in Lakewood. This is because I have been evacuated. My family got evacuated and wanted me with them...So C is in San Diego still, the kids are down near the stadium with their mom at her friends house because they were evacuated as well...Everyone please pray for our safety... This is so scary. My brother's friend's new house they had just moved into 3 days ago burned down. One of our old houses in Rancho Bernardo burned as well. All my friends and family are evacuated...Everyone except C's parents thank god.

God have mercy on us all. Thank you in advance for your prayers....

Troubled Waters

As I have previously mentioned, the Ex and I get along fairly well. As far as ex's go, she is decent in my book. Buuut, good things never last do they? Last weekend we had to drop the chillins off early because we had a friends baby shower to attend. This is the SECOND time in all the times we have ever had them that we had to drop them off earlier than four. She starts laying in on us about how "that's her only time alone and are we going to be able to keep them longer next weekend because she can't keep doing this" and then she continues with "oh I see you took the kids shopping and bought them clothes well, 7K doesn't have any jeans did you get her those? No?! What? Why not!! blah-de-freakin-blah"
... I'm confused. Did I miss something? Where was the psycho memo? All of this in front of the kids too. So I'm standing in her kitchen, in between her and my future husband, and they are screaming at each other. Talk about uncomfortable! Then, to make things more fun, Monday I went shopping to buy 7K jeans because apparently we're psychic and knew she didn't have jeans but just wanted to stilt the child, and so I call the Ex for her size. I'm pretty sure she's a 6 because she's really skinny. That conversation is quick, to the point, and done. I don't enjoy calling her and feel really awkward doing so when C is not around. So I go to pick C up from his class and she calls right when he gets in the car. She then proceeds to tell me that she 'wants to talk to me when C is not around because I ''understand'' and she told him she wants new years eve and did he talk to me about it?' 'uh, no he hasn't actually because we are already making plans to go to Vegas for new years because January is a big month for us. It is both our birthdays and also the month we announce our engagement' She then launches into a tirade about how she NEEVER gets New Years eve (except last year) and how dare he plan anything when he promised her he would have the kids?!
At this point I've lost the capacity for speech. C is mouthing to get off the F-ing phone with her this instant, but she won't shut up! Then she tells me that she wants us to have the kids during the week to spend the night at least 1 night. Ummm, last I checked they go to school about 40 minutes away from us with no traffic! That would mean sitting in traffic for over 2 hours to get them to school then try to make it back to work? no. I don't think so. At this point C is making hand gestures and is about to tear the phone from my ear so I tell her I really have to go and lo and behold, she continues her rant! I'm holding the phone in my lap telling C that she WON'T shut up and I can't just hang up on her! So finally I get off the phone with her, and C immediately calls her from his phone and starts yelling that 'she can't do that, just because I'm nice and I listen to her, those are his kids and he's the one she needs to talk to and not get me involved' And when that man yells...the world shakes and babies cry. So needless to say I almost start crying.

Someone tell me WTF happened here? Why in God's name did she call me? I understand he yells, and it's scary, but damnit woman you've been putting up with it for almost 10 years! Not my place! Why is she rocking the boat? *sigh* I don't get it.

Babies, Kids and Vasectomies, oh my!

Last night I sat C down and told him how I really felt about IVF. I know he had expressed that was the route he wanted to take, but just the thought makes me cringe. I'm too young to be undergoing fertility treatments. I cried and told him I wasn't trying to be selfish, and I know that's a major surgery to get a reversal, not to mention expensive, but it would just mean so much to me to do it naturally. He told me he understood, and will do it! I felt so much better! As we were driving to pick up the kids from their Wednesday church groups he said, "Well, pretty soon after the wedding we will have to get that taken care of so we can start trying!" I was sooo happy. :) I love my man.

something I haven't talked about yet...

So far in this blog I have done a lot (by my standards). I started something that I actually intend on keeping up, and have done so. I've talked about the step kids and also my work (more kids). I've mentioned my fiance more than once, and shared a bit about myself as a person. There is one more thing I haven't really shared, that I need some advice on.

How does one go from being a childless weekend stepmom to having your own kids as well?

My biggest fear in life is not being able to have kids. Uterine tumors run in my family, and I've already had to have cryosurgery on my cervix to get rid of a precancerous growth. (I was 18 at the time) To add to my fears, C had a vasectomy about 3 years ago. So any children we have will be done in a cold laboratory in a petri dish. (See above pictures.) I have such a loathing for this procedure. It seems cold, unnatural, and damnit I don't want quintuplets. I never thought two little pictures like these could excite such extreme emotions. I look at the first and I feel sick. I hate needles. Cold. Wrong. The second makes me coo with longing. How sad. I never thought one of my fears would germinate (haha. no pun intended) out of a picture of egg and sperm. I want to wake up one morning and go throw up in a trash can. I want to wonder if my period's going to start. I want to take that stupid little test and jump up and down and run find my husband and tell him. I don't want to sit in a cold chair, being stabbed by 6 inch needles. I don't want to be told we have 5 living organisms in my tummy and now we have to choose which eggs to keep. I don't want to pay 10,000 dollars. I want the suprise. The knowledge that him and I made a baby together... through physical expression of our love, not in a petri dish. I am heart broken I don't get that. And to add to the 'fun-of-it-all' I have to accept this is nothing new for him. Yeah, whatever, already got 3, what's one more. But to me? It's my life. I hate HATE haaate his ex-wife today, purely because she got what I want so badly 3 times. The third one was a drunken/after seperation accident! I want an accident. Today for some reason is just a really bad day. I know I have to see her later, and it's not her fault but I can't help but feel this utter contempt for her breathing at this moment. *head in hands* Someone tell me how to shut off my biological clock...or where I can pick up 10 thou...thanks...

That adorable picture I promised.

Drawn by my loving 7 year old future bonus daughter :) I asked, what's this heart with the maze? And she said it was the maze of her heart and when I got to the 'finish X' I got a big hug and kiss. It doesn't get cuter.

Just. Stop. The. Screaming. Please.

For the love of God. Stop.

Leiven finalllly fell asleep. This is the moment Conan (whose mom spoils him rotten) decides WE MUST go upstairs where the baby is sleeping. This house echo's so much there is no way we wouldn't wake Leiven if we did that, so I block the stairs and tell him no, we can't do that but we can go outside/watch backyardagins/play with toys/eat crackers...ANYTHING. But no, he keeps grabbing my hand and dragging me back to the stairs, time and again, only to start screaming at the bottom of the stairs when I say no. Since I started writing this he's been standing next to me screaming. *sigh* He always gets his way if he crys long enough and I'm tired of it. He knows if he stands here screaming I (normally) would give in and let him have whatever he wants but noooo I'm not going to do that today. we are NOT waking the baby. Any ideas anyone? I mean, aside from Nyquil. lol JK JK!

~~~Continued~~~

I wound up violating all laws and giving Conan his blankie and binky. Hey, it stopped the screaming. :)

Mostly Work

So it's Wednesday again, which means I have the 2 babies today...Leiven and Conan. It's so funny because the 9 month old beats up the older baby! He just grabs pacifiers out of Conan's mouth, lol good times.

Well, I quit the Tues. Thurs. job, so no more Aidyn and Grant. I feel badly because my job is such an emotional one, it's hard to put those emotions aside and focus on treating it for what it is, my job. C put it really well. He said, "K, look at like this. If you worked for a company and every day you got there and your computer was broken, they wouldn't fix it, no one around you had done their job and to top it off your paycheck was late/nonexistent, would you stick around?" No, of course not, no one would. But that was exactly the position I was in. C was great and role-played my phone conversation with the Crazy Mom and I was able to do it with out sounding like a blubbering idiot. I was quite proud.

I start my new job tomorrow, and I couldn't be more excited!

We had the kids last weekend...it was a pretty uneventful couple of days. I had to work Friday so I didn't see them at all. Saturday consisted of (A LOT) of whining. I don't know what the issue was but we went out to La Jolla to the tide pools and the hour before we left consisted mostly of tears from 7K, yelling from 9K and fussing from 4K. I told C maybe we just shouldn't GO because they were being so whiny. We went anyways and all three fell asleep on the way out there, and on the way home. I don't think they sleep well when they are with us...I dunno..or maybe they just aren't getting enough during the week. Sunday we went to a new church, CBC, community bible church. The pastor is so energetic and passionate and funny. He is an ex-con, the youngest entrepreneur to ever take a company public, a scam company but nevertheless...very interesting guy. We are excited to continue going there.

Alright, back to tiny cubes of chicken and the backyardagins :) Hope every one's having a great week!