The intricate balance beam act

As many before me have said, Stepmotherhood is a balance between caring too much and not caring enough. This came out in it's truest form on Halloween. Speaking of, I hope everyone had a really good one!

For all intensive purposes I knew that 9K was going to be off with his friends for the evening and I was well aware of the fact I wouldn't see him. Just for the record. So when I called C after trick-or-treating with my sister and he said we weren't going to see the girls, after countless promises that I would be there, needless to say, I got a little pissed. I guess we weren't going because the Ex's father was going to be walking with them as well, and C and Ex's Dad don't get along. Well I told him in a very colorful way that no matter what he did, I was going. I wanted to see the girls, I promised to see the girls and I. Was. Going.

When we got there the Ex was exhausted (after 2 streets? lol) Her dad had gone home, and she told us to take them the rest of the way because she needed a glass of whine, oops I mean wine. So we took the girls alone and it was very nice. I thought all was well until the car ride back. Silence is never good. So I ask whats wrong and I got REAMED about wanting to see the girls but apparently not wanting to see 9K. But. But. But. I knew we weren't going to be seeing him!! I don't understand! Now I don't care?! What?! I didn't even know where to go with this. He thought I didn't know that 9K was going with friends, and I just didn't even care to see him. *ugh* This took a lot of talking to smooth out.

How do you deal when you favor one step child over another?

As it is, I am particularly fond of 4K. I have a soft spot for little ones, especially cuddly little ones. Sometimes I need reminders that there are 2 other kids that also relish my affection. I really have a hard time realizing this because I was raised that attention and affection were directly proportionate to your age and size. As you get older physical affection turns to verbal praise, and attention is greatly paid in areas of art, sports and academics. No, I'm not going to watch you blow up the guys on the computer game nor am I going to squeal gleefully when you sneeze into a glass. But show me your finished homework, or a new trick on your skateboard and I will watch and praise until the sun goes down.

I guess it all goes back to that I was never a physically affectionate child. My mom said from day 1 I pushed her away and she cried and cried saying I didn't love her. I'm just not in snuggle mode 24/7. Especially if you are sticky or dirty.

And now, an excert from Linda Goodmans Sun Signs about the Capricorn Woman :) This is so very much me.

She'll probably instill both thrift and a respect for quality in the youngsters. She'll teach them to "Eat it up, wear it out, make it do or do without." Still, they'll be served the best cuts of meat, and she'll buy them the finest make of shoes. To her, economy does not have to mean cheap. The children will be expected to be polite to relatives and elders, and they'll probably learn excellent manners. They won't be pampered or allowed to willfully disobey. Sticky kisses may not be welcome, but few mothers are more devoted than the female goat. Her children will get a courteous listening ear. She may be a little strict and unsympathetic to their growing pains, but she'll be a fascinated audience for their achievements. The child who runs home from school and shouts, "Guess what I learned today," won't be ignored by the Capricorn mother, who will never be too busy to give her youngsters her interest and attention. After they become teenagers, she may need some help in understanding her children's enthusiastic dreams. She may leam the hard way that she can't dictate their friendships and confine them to "acceptable" people. But she's intelligent enough to adjust and pull in her horns if it looks as though she'll lose more than she'll gain.-

So honestly, how is one to deal when you favor one child over the others? Since they are not your biological children you certainly do not love them all the same nor should you be expected to. They are just like every other person you have met, some you click with and some you don't. I do love all three, don't get me wrong. But when I go shopping...I buy things for 4K. I probably spoil her more than her brother or sister. C finally told me he does know that I love 4K most, but reminded me of the 2 others who want attention too, even though my upbringing would lead me to believe my attention is needed, yes, but not on a constant/all the time basis like 4K, since she's the smallest. Please my dear fellow writers, tell me what you do, when you favor one more than the others???