Everyone can remember this kid. The one who's hair was so greasy it shone like someone put crisco in it. Their clothes were torn or just plain filthy. Their shoes had duct tape on them. We made fun of this kid. We teased them behind their back. The really mean kids teased them to their face. We just thought they were dirty. Did anyone as a small child sit back and think, oh, it's the parents fault? No, of course not.
I'm horribly embarrassed to say, on Friday when picking up 4k from daycare, I was told in very plain terms that I, Queen of Cleanliness is Next to Godliness, am stepmom to, "The Smelly Kid" I turned bright red. I almost called the Ex right there on the spot. The daycare providers told me that THEY are now giving her baths because she is so dirty. That she comes there in the same clothes day after day after day. That sometimes she's in pjs and the Ex says, "She fought me on getting dressed so she's just wearing this." It's decently cold outside, and she's wearing a summer dress when I pick her up. Her hair stinks. They tell me that they will do her hair on a Thursday and she comes in with it still done Friday and then..STILL on Monday. She will go a week without a bath from her mother. One even told me she babysat at the Ex's house and was so disgusted she never went back. I was horrified. They told me they knew it wasn't me...and said they want to tell the Ex to start acting like a MOM because I guess she complains to them about everything and why she can't seem to get a 4 year old into the bath tub. They said that at least 4k has two good parents who care. *sigh* at least they know it's not me. This is the first time I've picked her up by myself from daycare. I was so mortified. I just...I just don't know how someone who calls themselves a mom even DARES to let her child become "The Smelly Kid" I've discussed 50/50 custody with C. It's just unfortunate we don't live closer to their school to make it possible right now. In the summer I really want to push for it though. 2 weeks at our house, 2 weeks at hers. I think it would be good for everyone.
To add to it all 7k and 9k are just as bad. 9k is to that age where he can take a shower, but he just gets wet. Then he gets fuuuuuurious when you tell him he smells like wet dog and to get right back in and wash. 7k still takes baths for the most part, so she is usually just as stinky as 4k. Their breath REEKS when we pick them up. I don't think they are brushing their teeth. That or they eat poop when no ones looking.
It doesn't help that the Ex lacks personal hygiene as well. Her hair is always streaked with grease and nasty looking.
It's gut wrenching to think they live like this, and that in their minds it is acceptable. It's OKAY to wear shoes with duct tape around them because your mom says she's too broke to buy you new ones. It's OKAY to own only one pair of boxers, and your mom packs underwear 4 sizes too small because you don't have anything else. We give her money and she says she has to use it for bills and "next time" she'll buy you boxers. It's OKAY that all your clothes are filthy and your hair's never brushed. But yet, it's WEIRD that I want you to bathe and I enjoy doing your hair and picking out your outfits for the morning. It's STUPID I make you brush your teeth. It's MEAN you can't wear your shoes that are half duct tape. It's MEAN your dad makes you take a second shower because you didn't wash. We're MEAN because we don't let you eat crap all day long and expect you to eat your dinner.
How warped will this make them? Am I blowing this out of proportion? Am I just some freak who 'doesn't really know' because they aren't mine? I'm fed up. I want to smack her. Right upside her greasy head. Even if that means getting on a step stool to do so because she's so much taller than me. I want to scream, "REALITY CHECK!" in her ear. I wish we had them full time so they would know that people shouldn't live like that. Are they going to grow up dirty? Or will they be perpetual clean freaks because of it? So many questions and never any answers.
-The step mom of the smelly dirty kids (except Wednesdays and every other weekend)
3 comments:
Hug across the internet.
I think you and I need to stop communicating through comments and just pick up the phone and be best friends forever cause our step-lives are so similar it's scary!!
I have the same issue. Jan always smells when she comes over...especially her feet (she refuses to wear socks when she's with her mom...so her feet and shoes stink).
It's a constant struggle.
::hugs ::
This post really got to me. My husband doesn't have an ex, just a one night stand that came into his life after two years and told him he'd got her pregnant and kept the baby and now she can't afford to live so he gets to pay child support. We also only get to see the baby 3-5 hours a week and most of the time it is supervised by mom, even though we've been more than involved since the day we found out he had a baby (paternity results). I've been badgered by his "baby's mama" for trying to outdue her because the three times we've been able to take the child away for a day, we return his 2 yr old daughter in freshly laundered clothes, cloth diapers, and freshly bathed. Every time we see his daughter, she has crusted gunk in the creases of her chin and stuck to her scalp. Her fingernails require about 20 minutes of scrubbing to get all the crap out from underneath. When we play with her I find myself constantly checking her diaper because she smells like poop even though she hasn't soiled her diaper. Thankfully, I know what drug my husband was on when he slept with her, but I just can't believe she treats her child. I fear that reading your blog I am looking into the future.
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