So yesterday I picked up 9K from school right when school got out. He was so excited not to have to go to ESS and things were looking good. He told me he felt great because he got to turn in all his homework, didn't get detention or any character cards. He said he felt like a new person. I thought the day was going well. (hahaha stupid me.)
I took him with me to my dance class and he sat working on his homework. C met us there because we were going to my brother's girlfriend's dance recital when I was done. C got there about halfway through my class, took 9K out of the room with all his work/backpack. When I finished I asked C, "Did you check 9K's work?" "Yes, I checked it. It's done." was the reply I received, so off we headed to Kelsey's dance recital. We finished up, stopped by the bookstore to pick up a book for 9K's book exchange at school and headed home. It was 8:30 when we got home. 9K still had one homework assignment to do that had to wait till we got home because he needed a dictionary. I pull it out and in the process look over the "checked" homework. Needless to say, it was filled out but all wrong. I showed it to C and got really mad he told me he checked it when obviously he had not. His response, "I looked at it, it looked done." What?! WHAAT?! He KNOWS 9K just fills stuff in. He KNOWS it has to be corrected. I would have told them to just go home and work on it and gone to the recital myself if I knew he had to redo everything! So now here I am, the bad guy telling him he has to redo it, while C is playing online poker and 9K is having an emotional break down. C just ignores it while 9K screams at me he wishes he was at his mom's house because she doesn't make him redo work. I have to sit down and redo this stupid shit with him and now it's 9 o'clock. C yells at him to knock it off from the other room, (Oh gee, thanks. That helped a TON) And 9K starts pulling his hair, crying and saying he wants to shoot himself and then that he would rather stab himself than do this, or that he would rather live on the street than have to do homework. He starts calling himself stupid over and over and he just can't seem to catch his breath and calm down. This goes on for about 15 minutes and I'm just sitting there horrified. This is straight out of a Dr. Phil episode. Finally he calms down and starts to focus, we finish that assignment but now there are 2 more he has to do so I tell him he can wake up early and finish them. C tells me he will get up with him in the morning and do it. I go stand in the shower and cry.
So this morning I wake up, and C is getting dressed and I asked him what time it was (because they were supposed to wake up at 5:45 to get his work done) and he says, it's 6:45. They have to leave at 7. I was so pissed. First he blows it off the previous night, then he screws it up that morning. I don't want this to wind up causing problems for C and I, but it looks like it's going to. I just don't see how it's fair I am the bad guy while C gets to be the good guy. Hmmff. Not Fair! (says the 3 year old in me)
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3 comments:
Thing is, you DON'T have to be the bad guy. I used to take all of Sunshine's problems on myself, and thank god I stopped because my life is SO much better not worrying about her. She is not mine to worry about. I had to repeat that to myself over and over for months, but really, she isn't my issue. I may love her, I may want the best for her, I may not like the decisions her parents make, but they aren't my responsibility, they are her parent's responsibility, and that isn't me. Make C take care of it, 9k is HIS job, not yours. You will go insane trying to do it all...
Clevergirl is right. My DH is a custodial father, and our version of 9K causes me great, great amounts of stress. The unfortunate thing is that I'm home with her every morning (DH works at 5am) and for the better part of the last two years, she lied straight through her teeth to him. He's only recently gotten to the point where he sees that it wasn't *me* this whole time.
As far as the homework/behavior situations, sit down and some guidelines with C, and then together present them to 9K. Make sure you both follow through on them. From the sound of it that kid has had very little structure :-\
Again...the things we have in common. That is one of Mr.Brady's favorite thigns to say to the kids, "Knock it off"....as if that really does anything - I think they've learned to tune that phrase out.
I know how it feels to bend over backwards for the kid(s) and getting nothing but disrespect and screaming in return. It sucks. I've received advice much like the advice that clevergirl is giving you, and it's made my life a hell of a lot easier. Basically, if I'm not getting the support and assistance of Mr.Brady: I think twice about putting in the extra mile. They are, after all, his kids and should be his responsibility. Sure, we can help - but its not worth going crazy over.
:: hugs ::
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