So I have the entire month of July off for vacation. I chose, through my own good willed nature, to watch all 3 kids the first 3 weeks of July. This is also the last 3 weeks before my wedding. Today I sent the Ex the schedule for July. I am one of those people that likes things planned, and so I am doing a three week "summer school" with the kids. I am planning small activities every day, and a big trip once every week. (zoo, water park, etc.) Well, she said okay to my schedule but then went back and texted me saying she wants them "here and there" but not on the weekends. I asked her (very politely) to let me know what 'here and there' is, since I am setting up a packed schedule. ( I refuse to hear even one, "I'm bored!") She then texts me back and says, "Well, they are my kids REMEMBER?" Well that was rude. Most of the time I would reply, quite snidely, that oh, I seem to have let that slip my mind and she can forget about even calling me for a week. But instead, mostly probably due to the fact I was in church, I messaged her back saying, 'just let me know so I don't plan things on the days you want them.' I then sat back, took a deep breath, and sent her this: "When you say things like if I remember whose kids they are, it really hurts my feelings. I chose to use my vacation to help you and C. I want to feel like what I do is appreciated. If you don't appreciate it, or want to act like it at least, I don't have to do it. I have 10 million other things I could do instead." and believe it or not, she actually said she knew and was sorry! It was the most civil exchange of remarks-hurt feelings-apology we have ever had. I took a deep breath and felt much better since I voiced myself and she apologized. It was hard for me to take the high road and do that instead of being rude back, but honestly it made me feel a lot more at peace than when I sink to her level. That usually just pisses away my whole day. So, Yay for me! :)
On a precious note; 4K had decided my dad's name is "Bug-Killer-Man". She can't seem to remember his name is Tom, and he kills any bugs she sees at their house, hence the name. We were at the pool and there was a tiny bug floating in the water and neither I nor C would get it out for her so she sat on the wall, grumbling, "I wish Bug-Killer-Man was here. He would get the bug out for me. I wish he was here." It's so cute. My dad just adores her too. I love watching him with the kids, especially 4K, and then envisioning him with his biological grand kids. That is going to be so fun! One more year!!!!! Did I mention that? I can't remember if I did. Next year, for C my one year anniversary we are going to Sandals in Jamaica and when we get back he gets unfixed and we are going to try to have a baby! (funfunfunfunfun) Anyways....
My house is a mess from the tornado of kids through it over the weekend, my hair is probably turning green as I type, and my eyes are drooping. The house is going to have to wait, a shower, dinner and bed sound like the plan. :)
I hope everyone had a great weekend!
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6 comments:
Wow! I applaud you for being civil instead of being rude because I'm not sure I could have done the same thing! Of course, I'm still at the point where we both pretend the other doesn't exist basically so...
Love your blog!
You are doing great! Hang in there and your wedding will be great!
I'm just shaking at my head at the "they're MY kids" attitude, like the kids are objects. How sad. But good for you for not sinking to her level.
Hey K - just stopping by to say hello :) Looks like you're wedding is just around the corner!!! I am soooo excited for you =)
So- here is a question for you all. I am the biological mom and am treated by my ex-husband's new wife as if my son were her kid (my son lives w/them). I am to the point where I just allow my son to call me because they make me feel like I'm intruding. I even had to prove to my son's school that I was his biological mom before they would send me information. Any insight on this type of situation.
Also- my current husband has 2 girls that live w/their mom and I get the same kind of treatment from her. Only difference is she is a money sucking leech. Who won't get a job so she puts the financial burden of her Jackson Hole Season Ski pass having life on my husband and I. She even charges the kids to drive them down to see their dad if it is not on "his" weekend. As if the child support wasn't enough!! I mean for pete sake I am selling my house and moving into a tiny apartment this weekend because of the financial toll she has taken on us. Scary thing is that we could actually be asked pay more by the state if she gets mad at us and takes us to court. I am so frustrated. I love all of our children and do what I can to be a good mom and step-mom. I feel like I get no gratitude (except from my spouse) and end up picking up the bill for everyone elses life while mine is very modest. Sorry- but it feels good to vent. I would love insight and opinions. Hope everyone is having a great day!
Hey Jennymac,
Hmm, interesting situation. I would hate to have to straddle that fence, having both an exhusband and exwife in my life! Perchance have you ever thought that since your son lives with his father and stepmom, that she loves and cares for him "as if he were hers"? Since she has a more one-on-one relationship with him, perhaps she gets frustrated and feels undermined sometimes. I would suggest talking to your ex husband, or maybe even her, about ways to work together, or keep you informed that wouldn't make her say the things you did about your new husbands ex-wife. And with the school thing, everyone has to prove who they are, for the safety of the kids. (I know, I work at a school.) :) I'm sorry about your financial troubles, ex's do that sometimes. Lucky for my husband and I, we don't have to pay child support! I wish you the best!-K
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