I was sitting in church this morning, and for the first time in a long time I got out the piece of paper in the little pamphlet they give you marked 'sermon notes'. I took this paper out, and started writing. I've been having a really hard time with the relationship between 10K and I lately. I keep telling C that I just finished that whole puberty thing and I'm not ready to do it again with this overnight brat that took the place of the sweet boy I met 2 years ago. 10 going on 15 if you ask me. He's rude, disrespectful and downright mean. All we do is fight lately. I've had it up to my neck with it. All I can do is throw my hands in the air and tell him, "my mother would have SLAPPED that look you're giving me right now off my face so hard, my head would spin." It takes everything to control the urge to teach him some serious respect. Don't worry....don't go calling CPS on me, I'm not going to do it. Perhaps I couldn't have said that in full sincerity if I had not had my "Ah-Ha" moment today. I decided I do not have to put up with his attitude. I've tried so hard to be a good mother to a boy whose own mother has abandoned him, but to be frank, I am NOT his mother, nor will I ever be. C has gotten very used to me being the strict hand in this house and I'm tired of being the bad guy. C leaves all the minor disciplining to me, while he steps in when it is larger and someone is in need of a spanking. I'm tired of it. Princess was over last night, and her and 8K and 5K were playing with my newest addition, Molly Monster the precious attack kitten C got me. Well, they wouldn't stop chasing my baby all over the house no matter how many times I said, "Stop chasing that poor kitten!" and finally I snapped because 5K was sticking her hand under the recliner trying to grab Molly. I meant to shout her name, but as it is when you're frazzled and pissed, I shouted Princesses name instead. Princess looked up at me in a look of utter horror and I quickly recanted and shouted 5K's name instead. 8K said, "Wow I know you didn't mean to shout Princess because you would NEVER yell at her like that." Which, is very true. I have never raised my voice, shouted, or done more than raise an eyebrow at my sister. She is my favorite person in the whole world and she looks up to me as her big sister, and it has always been that way. She has never once made me angry to the point my stepkids seem to be able to push me to in a matter of minutes. She has always listened to everything I say, ask her to do, or whatever. She is helpful, bright, beautiful, and I consider her to be just like me, but better. She is everything I wish I was, athletic, a fantastic pianist and vocalist, just thinking of her and her accomplishments makes my heart beam with pride. She loves to read just like me, she is quick-witted like me, and just so smart. Anyways, I was thinking about my sister and my relationship, and how I wish dearly I could have that with my stepkids. As I know this is a completely different relationship, and really isn't possible, I wish for it anyways.
As I was saying before that tangent, I'm done putting up with 10K's disrespect. When he gets home this afternoon I am going to sit down and have a long talk with him. I've decided I'm sick of yelling, and I'm sick of his attitude, as much as I'm sure he is sick of my harping and yelling and punishing. From now on I am going to ask him to do something once and that's it. The second he starts giving me attitude and disrespect no matter if it's at dinner or while doing homework, I am going to not say a word, but just walk away. If he wants continued help with homework or whatever it is he's griping about, he can come, apologize, and ask for me to continue helping. Which I will gladly do. When I ask him to do something I will only ask once. We are going to make a list of consequences if he fails to do as he was asked within a reasonable time. I will no longer harp on him, tell him to do it now, or ask repeatedly if he is done. I think this will avert a lot of tension in our home. If he fails to do as asked, it will be his fathers job to enforce the consequence, not mine. Therefore most of the "asking" will be done by C from now on, even if I have to ask C to ask 10K to do whatever it is. I am no longer in punishment mode. I will not enforce, nor give out punishments any longer. C is his father, and I have helped him in the sector for far too long. I can't express how tired I am of being the 'bad guy' while C sits back and doesn't step in till we are both screaming. I will let everyone know how this situation works out :) I freakin hate teenagers. lol
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4 comments:
Sounds like a good plan!
Another thought - if you stop bothering him to remember stuff, or to do something, he will have to start being more responsible. As a teacher, I would LOVE for more parents to teach their children to be responsible for themselves, rather than depend on other people (like their teacher) to remind them over and over.
Good luck!
I'm dealing with the same issue with my 16 year old. I finally did just what you're talking about doing. I set a list of consequences and I will only ask once. Then I won't give him a ride to the friends or run him here or there or even leave for school (he likes to go in early to socialize) until what I've asked him to do is done. He went and spent most of his money on some girl after I told him not to- so now, I've spent the better part of the last 2 weeks making him mad when he wants money for a drink, gum, etc and I tell him "you should have saved some money for you". Lesson learned though.
Good luck and I hope it works for you!
This sounds like a tough situation. I dread my stepdaughter being a teenager because she is already so emotional/dramatic/etc, because of her mother. When the hormones kick in - God help me. LOL Good luck with everything!!!
This is something I am working on too. I've realized by asking more than once and giving warnings and chances, I have taught them not to listen to me. We recently had the talk too about how I'm not going to do that anymore and all it has taken is a few times and they are already doing so much better. It is a struggle though because they got used to the other way so they are always trying to go backwards to the easy way. Good luck!
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