Release Cont.

Okay so I know my last post was probably a lot to digest, and (believe it or not) I left a lot out! I just really hope it didn't put anyone off. What are you if not your story? When I think about my life, and everything I've seen and experienced in the past 24 years, I'm amazed. My life has been one crazy moment after the next and I've been struggling with the normality of the past 8 months. I enjoy the roller coaster of self-destruction, that adrenaline rush of hurdling toward a cliff and stopping only moments before you go over the edge. I do understand mortality and if I kept it up one of these times I will loose my footing and plummet, but none of that seems to matter when everything is chaos. I dated one guy right before C and he told me if I didn't stop what I was doing, he knew he would be attending my funeral within 2 years. He was probably right. Perhaps the insanity with C was akin to a forth of July firework finale. Perhaps I'm supposed to just settle down and be content with homework duty, cooking dinner, watching movies in the evenings, and going to bed at 10. I think a more 'in-line' suggestion for my personality is to get a hobby. So I've picked something I've always loved, am very good at, and pumps you with adrenaline. I've started riding again. I was an avid dressage (English) horseback rider for a while before I met C. I took lessons for about 6 months and before that had done many many trail rides. I just went riding again for the first time in over 2 years on Monday. It was fantastic. Sunday I'm going again. I went with my brothers girlfriend because she owns 2 horses (lucky!) and she hit the head on the nail with this statement: "This, this right here, is my therapy." I almost cried. I need alone time, I need adrenaline. Problem solved :) C said if I can find a decently priced one, I can lease a horse! *yay* Okay, enough about moi.



The Kids

I've taken a big step back with 10K. He is refusing to go to therapy any more, and C refuses to make him. He got in biiiiiiig trouble not last week but the week before. He forged a teachers signiture then tried to lie his way out of it. He was grounded for a week. The longest we've ever ground him. C and I fought those last few days because C wanted to let him off and I reinforced that by letting him off you are just proving you don't mean what you say, and completely voids any punishment whatsoever. It was trying. I've stopped doing just about everything. I don't tell him what to do, and I can see it's getting to C. Example: Usually when its time for 10K to get in the shower, C says, "10K, get in the shower." Then goes away to sit on the balcony, in our room, to the store, wherever. Leaving me to do the, GET IN THE SHOWER NOOOOW! part after 10 minutes go by and he's still just dawdling. So, instead I opted out. C said, "Get in the shower 10K." Then C went on the balcony. 10K played with a ball. C came back in, "Get in the shower. Now." 10K played with the cat. C came back in, "I SAID NOW!" 10K plays with the ball and the cat. (20 minutes has gone by now.) 10K pokes his head out the sliding glass door and says, "You want me to get in the shower now?" And C says "No. Now it's too late. Get in bed!" and 10K responds with, "NOOOO I want to take a shower! I'm getting in the shower!" I'm humming to myself and playing solitaire. I'm tired of arguing, fighting the rudeness...it's so lame. Can't 6 months be here now so I can be getting pregnant and not have the time or energy to waste on fighting with him? I can't wait to have my own baby. Hope everyone has a good day!