The Twitching Continues

Okay, so I've tried to talk to C, and I'm getting no where. Night before last I approched him, and in my most sweet and timid voice asked him about this summer and what we are going to do. I said, "If I can't handle him this summer (remember I'm supposed to watch all 3 Demons all summer since I was vollen-told) what are we going to do?" His response? Nothing. He wouldn't even talk to me. I waited patiently for about 20 minutes then phrased the question again. C blew up at me, telling me he wants a divorce because I can't handle 10K and he's going to choose him over me. So we haven't spoken till today, and now he's acting like nothing ever happened. Apparently I'm still watching 10K this summer. Apparently I'm still married. Ugh. I think we've hit the breaking point...it's forward or out from here on...Wish me luck

Attitude and Back Talk

The two things on this God blessed green earth that I can't stand. And what does 10K give me? Almost nothin but attitude, and back talk. I was (unhappily, unwillingly, etc.) forced to watch 10K over his spring break because it was mine as well. I was bitter, but tried to make the best of it. C knows I can't stand to be stuck at home all day with him since he gives me nothing but grief, but there was no alternative so I grudgingly listened, suffered, put up with, all the whining, crying fits about how I was packing and couldn't entertain him every second of the whole day. So I decide to go out on a limb. As I've mentioned before, just about any trip involving just 10K and I turns into a nightmare from which I swear up and down I'm never taking him anywhere ever ever again. (To myself of course) So on Wednesday, after 2 days of packing and dealing with the whining and crying I decided we were going to go out. So, we went downtown and went to Ikea, where he begged to get lunch so I said sure and took him out to lunch, then he wanted to go to sports authority, so I let him. When we were all done we had to go pick up the girls from their school. On the drive there 10K asks if he can stay in the car while I go in and get the girls. Now that is usually not an issue since I'm usually just running into ESS (after-school care) and grabbing them, but today I was actually going into the school and needed to speak with their teachers so I told 10K I didn't feel comfortable leaving him in the car unsupervised that long and I wanted him to come in with me. His exact works, "I'm not going in, and you can't make me!" Now if there is one thing in the world, be it spoken from woman, child or man, that I can't stand, it is those 4 words. You. Can't. Make. Me. Oh you wanna bet mister? I may be small. But I am tougher than nails. So I calmly tell him he is coming on his own volition or he will be dragged. This is where the screaming and crying start. I don't have a clue what all this is about! So I ask him. Apparently he feels that he is going to be literally, MOBBED by people wanting to talk to him. I tried to explain that no one really cares, and it doesn't matter but he wouldn't budge. We started screaming, trying to see who would win this power struggle. I was beginning to think this was utterly the silliest thing ever so I shook my head and laughed quietly to myself which sparked an outrage in 10K. The words out of his mouth? "SHUT UP! SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" Before I could even think I reached back from the front seat (oh he is lucky I'm little) and swung. I grazed his cheek with my fingertips which prompted more screaming of "DON'T HIT ME!" To which I said, "I didn't hit you, but I swear if you ever tell me to shut up again..." To which he screamed, "THEN DON'T HIT ME!" Note: We are in the school parking lot. I take a deep breath, open the car door, get out and shut it. Luckily all the cars around us were empty or I would have been so mortified... I went and sat in front of 5K's classroom. I'm half an hour early. I cried and texted C and told him I'm done. I can't handle this child any more. I can't deal with the abuse he puts out, or what he makes me want to do. I almost slapped him! I told C he needs to find someone else to watch the boy, because I am DONE. I explained what happened to C and his only response was, "Why didn't you just let him stay in car?" Not, "Honey, that's an awful situation. I'll talk to him as soon as I get home!" Nothing. So I get the girls, and get back in the car. We get to my parents house because I had to get some stuff, and I tell the girls to get out. I turn around and said to 10K, "Look, I'm sorry I called you a brat, and yelled at you, and everything else. That was disrespectful of me. I need you to treat me with respect, just like I should treat you with respect. So, I'm sorry for being disrespectful." I then informed him he could wait in the car while we all went inside my parents house. After, I drove them over to C's parents because Wednesday nights we have dinner with them. I told C's mom that 10K was grounded and needed to stay in the guest room the whole evening until church. I went to pick up C from work. It was silent for a while. I finally broke the stillness with, "I'm so sorry C, I just don't know what to do any more." And he asked what he should do, and I said I didn't care, ship him off to boot camp, ship him off to military school, just do something! And C says, oh great, you're just another person in his life that doesn't want him around. To which I replied, Well, maybe it's not us, maybe it's 10K... The conversation stopped there. C didn't say a word to 10K about his behavior. C has some deluded sense that Me, his ex-wife, my brother, my brother's girlfriend, and everyone else that comes into contact with 10K are wrong. We tell him what we see. A troubled child, a broken heart, unrequited anger, potential violence...but it all falls on deaf ears.

Quote of the day: From Lucky Number Slevin. The Rabbi says,
"The first time someone calls you a horse you punch him on the nose, the second time someone calls you a horse you call him a jerk but the third time someone calls you a horse, well then perhaps it's time to go shopping for a saddle."

Catch my drift?

Follow Through

Thank you for your comments,
I, unfortunately, can not be the one to take the skateboard. It was C who gave this rule life, and it is he who must enforce it. If he doesn't want to follow through, like the countless times before, that's his choice. That's how he is deciding to raise his son. I can hoot and holler and fight with my husband all day long over 10K and what C should and shouldn't do, but in the end what am I doing besides causing myself grief? I've told C a million times that by not following through on what he says he is giving 10K the absolute irrevocable answer of, "What you do does not matter to me and I will not punish you. Also, please never believe me again."

This is the fine line between being a step-mom and being a mom. As a mom I would most certainly have taken it upon myself to enforce whatever C says. As a step-mom, that would be overstepping my crudely drawn line in the sand. And as irritating, annoying, frustrating and twitch-inducing it can be, there will always be that line with 10K. I don't really know if C and I will ever be on the same page with him. I'm strict, C is more lenient. I don't harbor years of guilt for screwing up the first 8 years of 10K's life, C does. I feel like when we have our own child it will be fresh and we can compromise easier because it won't be an attack every time I say something about my child. I can say I don't like how our child behaved today and I'm going to ground him and C will probably just shrug and say whatever. Instead of taking it as personal attack on him. I also feel that discipline will be easier with our own child because there won't be that tremendous guilt in the way. I think we will still butt heads over his leniency and my nazi-esque strictness, but all parents butt heads now and then. Countdown till we start trying to get pregnant: 21 weeks. That's 147 days. That's so not soon enough. :)

Lying. When is it ever Not about lying?

So a few weeks ago we had this huuuge issue with lying. I mean, a blow-out to end all blow-outs. I'm looking back and for some reason am seeing nada on it...I could have sworn I wrote about it, but anyways I will now if I have not done so!

It was a Tuesday. I'm on my way home from work, and my phone rings. It's 10K's teacher. (oooh gooody.) She informs me that she is getting more and more worried about 10K moving on to middle school. (yep, join the club) She tells me that 10K did not turn in a homework assignment that was do that morning, so he got a recess detention. After recess detention, he strolls into the room with his detention sheet. Teacher looks at it and says to 10K, "This is not Mrs. Detention Lady's signature, 10K." "Yes it is." he responds. "No, it most certainly is not, and I'm going to call Mrs. DL in here right now." "Fine. Go ahead. It's her signature." he nonchalantly replied. (That's what freaked her out the most, how little he seemed to care.) So Teacher calls in Mrs. DL and says, "Mrs. DL, is this your signature?" "Why, No, Teacher, it is certainly not. In fact, you see this erasing here? I had written that 10K did not complete his detention because he did not follow the rules, and needed another detention." What does 10K say? "THATS NOT TRUE! You said I didn't have to come back!" They both looked at him like any one would look at a delusional person. I've figured out his game. If he can pit the adults against each other like he was trying to do here, the focus is no longer on him. Needless to say, it didn't work this time. He received 2 detentions for lying. I think he should have been suspended, personally. I'm all for hard punishments. So now I'm speechless on the phone with his poor teacher. I don't know what to say except, Oh, He'll be sorry. Yessiree... I hang up and go into the house. I sat in the car for the conversation because I didn't want him listening in. I casually ask him if there is anything he has to say about his teacher just calling me. "Nope." he says. I ask if there is anything he wants to tell me about what happened today. He get's this confused look like, what could I have possibly done that she wants to hear about? "Noooo...nothing happened today." I think I turned 2 shades darker than maroon. "Get. In. Your. Room. We will talk about this later." I call C. I tell him whats happened. I say 10K should be grounded for life. At least a week. C has never grounded him for more than a day before. I'm pacing until C gets home. I call my mom. I don't know what to do with this child for whom lying is like breathing. She agrees. Life sentance. C gets home, and I demand he be punished more than a day. I won't be able to control my anger if he gets away with this. We agree on a week. I say he shouldn't be able to go to his camp that weekend even if it was all paid for. He says we will talk about that. We sit down with 10K. He glares at us. We tell him what the teacher said, and what does he do? He tries to deny it! C jumps all over that and tells 10K he's grounded. Done. He then tells him that if he lies again, his skateboard, his most precious belonging in the whole world, will be donated to the Good Will. Another child will benefit from him lying. His allowance is suspended and he has lost all trust. I'm proud. My husband finally stood up to the 10 year old. The next few days are hard, and every day C and I bicker more and more. C wants to let him off for good behavior! What?!?!?! Letting a child off being grounded before the sentence is served is just as bad as no punishment at all! We argued over camp that weekend. C's parents had paid for it, and they would not get their money back. It was also a church camp and hopefully it might do some good in his heart, so we finally decided to let him go. The Monday after camp he is supposed to be grounded. C and I get in an all out fight over it! Dude, just ONE MORE DAY. Tuesday I'm so over it. C lets 10K come out of his room, but he can't go play. Whatever. We were happy it was over, C and I stopped arguing.

Fastforward to last night. I'm doing laundry and C comes up to help me. 10K calls and says, "I finished my dinner, can I have some little sausages now?" C says sure. We get home, and there is a yogurt covered spoon in the sink, sausages on the counter and I ask 10K if he ate one of my yogurts, the ones I save for school. "No." Well, I just did dishes before I left to do laundry, and the sink was empty but now there is a yogurt covered spoon in the sink, and seeing as you were the only one in the house while Dad and I did laundry, I'm just going to have to go out on a limb here and say, Yes, you did eat it. "NO I DIDN'T!" What does C say? Maybe it was your brother this morning K. What? Did no one hear what I just said? I left, to do laundry, with 0 dishes in the sink. Now there is 1 spoon in the sink. 0+1=1 last time I checked, and unless my brother swung by, threw a spoon in the sink from the window, I don't see how it could have been my brother this morning. At this point I pull out the trash can to further prove my point. Not only is there a half eaten yogurt cup, there is 10K's untouched dinner in there. I tell C that 10K threw away his dinner and C says to 10K, "You told me you finished dinner!" What does he say? "No I didn't!" C says, Yes you did. You called me, told me you finished dinner and asked for sausages. I shake my head and back out at this point. C argues with 10K and tells him he's in his room till bed. I'm disgusted with the lying. If you ate the stupid yogurt just say you ate it. If you threw away your dinner, just admit it.

The worst part? 10K's skateboard is still sitting there in his room....laughing at me. Taunting me. I so want to go throw it in the dumpster. There is no follow through in this house, and I'm so damned over it.

The Evilest Step Mom Ever....Me.

So my brother declared that I am truly an Evil Step Mother. You know why? Because I was perched on the arm of my couch hovering over my laptop ooh-ing and aaah-ing over expensive military boarding schools in Virgina...

Hey, a Step Mom can dream can't she?

Check out this one! (My number 1 pick) :)
www.forkunion.com

Twitch

I'm trying. I'm trying to ignore the banging coming from the other side of the wall. I'm trying to ignore the screaming and the crying. But now I'm starting to twitch. 10K has stayed home sick today and yesterday. His Grandma is sick as well, and since my time is apparently expendable I'm stuck here. At home. Twitching. Yesterday was just annoying. I tried my best to ignore the attitude because he didn't feel well. I didn't even argue with C over letting him lay on the couch and watch movies all day, which I hate sick kids doing. Then today C wakes me up and tells me that I have to stay home again. Fine. I didn't say a word about him laying all over the couch again, probably getting us all sick in the mean time, I just let it go. Then the whining started. Then the yelling started. Then the tears and yelling while whining started. I was doing a total house cleaning since I have friends coming down from LA this weekend. I told 10K that if he felt so much better he could clean his room and hang up his clothes. I took stuff off the toy and book shelves that didn't belong there and asked him to put them away. His actual words, "You took them down, you put them away." Um, excuse me? Let me check really quick, yep this is YOUR room! If you don't take care of your stuff, I'll just throw it away. "You can't do that. You can't throw away my stuff!" Hmm, why yes, yes I can. If you don't care enough about it to put it where it belongs or take care of it, then you don't care if I throw it away. It took everything I had not to go grab a trash bag just like my mother would have done. Instead I walked out. Later I came back and continued organizing and cleaning, and in the process tripped over a broken scooter. I asked 10K to run it down to the dumpster. "No, it's fine. I'm not throwing it away!" It's broken. You can't even ride it. Throw it away. "NO!!!! I'M KEEPING IT!" So I called C. I said make him throw the #&*$%@ thing away before I go postal trying to clean this room. So he did. Then he wanted lunch. Fine dude, I'm vacuuming. There is soup in the cupboard. He makes it. It sits on the counter. He says he now doesn't want it. Wasted. I start cleaning the kitchen. I tell him he has 10 minutes to eat what he made, or I am going to throw it away and he's not eating till dinner. Fine, throw it away, he says. So I do. Now he's back slobbering and coughing all over my couch while screaming he's not sick. I ignore him. I finally tell him that I want him to go lay down and take a nap because I'm tired of the whining and he needs rest. He flat out says, "No. I'm allowed to be out here if I want to be." I asked if he was in some delusional state where he made the rules. He said my rules were stupid and stormed into his room. Then he calls C and whines that I am making him stay in his room all day. (What?! It's been 15 minutes!) So I tell C about the fits and C agrees he needs to rest and tells 10K that. So now, I'm trying to ignore the banging of drum sticks and hellish racket that is coming from the other side of my living room wall. I am not good with sick kids. When I was a nanny and had to take care of sick kids it drove me crazy. I am a total germaphobe and I don't want to get sick! That's why I think sick kids should stay in their rooms. Then all I have to do is change their sheets, vacuum and lysol the hard surfaces. Now I have to disinfect my couch, the recliner, the kitchen table, the remotes and everything else he rubbed on. Yech! When I was a kid, I had no choice. If I stayed home sick, I stayed in my room and read books. My mom would bring me food, check my temperature and deliver medicine. If I was okay by the evening I could watch tv with the family, but I wasn't allowed to cough all over everyone like he did last night when the girls were here and like he's been trying to do to me all day! Well, at least this is one thing I know I will have control over with my own kids. :P And at least my house is clean so I don't have to do it tomorrow...Woo-saaah...Wooo-saaaaaah. *rubbing earlobes*