"Responsibilty Sucks", says the 10 year old.

Agreed, says I. But it has in fact been working. After fits, protests, screaming and going boneless crying, he has finally started to realize I mean biz-ness. I even spoke with his teacher about it, and she said just what clevergirl did. :) He is now actively trying to solve problems on his own instead of wanting me to explain every problem basically solving it for him. Laziness is most certainly the sin of the year in this household. Drives me batty. Thank you everyone for the encouragement, and support, it means a lot to me to read all your comments.

Now onto what I am struggling with today. I want to invite the Ex to church. It bothers me that she doesn't go, and I know it bothers the kids. She also says, "Oh my G" which is banned in our household. I don't know how to go about it though. Also I don't know how I would be able to sit back and 'share' my most comforting, renewing and relaxing moments of my week. I pray for her all the time, that she finds peace with God, and is changed by Him, but yet I myself am not being Christlike when I selfishly hold MY church to myself. It should be something I should seek to help her, being what I want to be instead of what I am. We are not good people who sometimes do bad things, we are bad people who sometimes do good things, because if we were good people who did bad things we could be consistantly good, but that's impossible. So I seek to be the better person, and share the solice I find in God. The selfish part of me wants her to say no. But I also think that if she just heard what our Pastor preached on, it would move her heart. And that means more to me than my own comfort. So I think today, I am going to pull her aside, since she is talking to me again, and invite her to come Sunday. I'll even try not to wince. :)

"My Ah-Ha Moment" as Oprah would call it.

I was sitting in church this morning, and for the first time in a long time I got out the piece of paper in the little pamphlet they give you marked 'sermon notes'. I took this paper out, and started writing. I've been having a really hard time with the relationship between 10K and I lately. I keep telling C that I just finished that whole puberty thing and I'm not ready to do it again with this overnight brat that took the place of the sweet boy I met 2 years ago. 10 going on 15 if you ask me. He's rude, disrespectful and downright mean. All we do is fight lately. I've had it up to my neck with it. All I can do is throw my hands in the air and tell him, "my mother would have SLAPPED that look you're giving me right now off my face so hard, my head would spin." It takes everything to control the urge to teach him some serious respect. Don't worry....don't go calling CPS on me, I'm not going to do it. Perhaps I couldn't have said that in full sincerity if I had not had my "Ah-Ha" moment today. I decided I do not have to put up with his attitude. I've tried so hard to be a good mother to a boy whose own mother has abandoned him, but to be frank, I am NOT his mother, nor will I ever be. C has gotten very used to me being the strict hand in this house and I'm tired of being the bad guy. C leaves all the minor disciplining to me, while he steps in when it is larger and someone is in need of a spanking. I'm tired of it. Princess was over last night, and her and 8K and 5K were playing with my newest addition, Molly Monster the precious attack kitten C got me. Well, they wouldn't stop chasing my baby all over the house no matter how many times I said, "Stop chasing that poor kitten!" and finally I snapped because 5K was sticking her hand under the recliner trying to grab Molly. I meant to shout her name, but as it is when you're frazzled and pissed, I shouted Princesses name instead. Princess looked up at me in a look of utter horror and I quickly recanted and shouted 5K's name instead. 8K said, "Wow I know you didn't mean to shout Princess because you would NEVER yell at her like that." Which, is very true. I have never raised my voice, shouted, or done more than raise an eyebrow at my sister. She is my favorite person in the whole world and she looks up to me as her big sister, and it has always been that way. She has never once made me angry to the point my stepkids seem to be able to push me to in a matter of minutes. She has always listened to everything I say, ask her to do, or whatever. She is helpful, bright, beautiful, and I consider her to be just like me, but better. She is everything I wish I was, athletic, a fantastic pianist and vocalist, just thinking of her and her accomplishments makes my heart beam with pride. She loves to read just like me, she is quick-witted like me, and just so smart. Anyways, I was thinking about my sister and my relationship, and how I wish dearly I could have that with my stepkids. As I know this is a completely different relationship, and really isn't possible, I wish for it anyways.
As I was saying before that tangent, I'm done putting up with 10K's disrespect. When he gets home this afternoon I am going to sit down and have a long talk with him. I've decided I'm sick of yelling, and I'm sick of his attitude, as much as I'm sure he is sick of my harping and yelling and punishing. From now on I am going to ask him to do something once and that's it. The second he starts giving me attitude and disrespect no matter if it's at dinner or while doing homework, I am going to not say a word, but just walk away. If he wants continued help with homework or whatever it is he's griping about, he can come, apologize, and ask for me to continue helping. Which I will gladly do. When I ask him to do something I will only ask once. We are going to make a list of consequences if he fails to do as he was asked within a reasonable time. I will no longer harp on him, tell him to do it now, or ask repeatedly if he is done. I think this will avert a lot of tension in our home. If he fails to do as asked, it will be his fathers job to enforce the consequence, not mine. Therefore most of the "asking" will be done by C from now on, even if I have to ask C to ask 10K to do whatever it is. I am no longer in punishment mode. I will not enforce, nor give out punishments any longer. C is his father, and I have helped him in the sector for far too long. I can't express how tired I am of being the 'bad guy' while C sits back and doesn't step in till we are both screaming. I will let everyone know how this situation works out :) I freakin hate teenagers. lol

Wedding pictures :) ENJOY!

My handsome husband and I
We had a great photographer!

Me and my little brother :)
Me and Princess, my beautiful sister.
C and I with both of our parents
I loved this picture

This is my ring bearer and little one I used to nanny for

OUR FAMILY!
Our Wedding party.
The girls :)

Wow...That Was A Crazy Month

Hey everyone! The wedding was beautiful, just wonderful, fantastic, everything I could have dreamed and more! Our honeymoon was out of this world as well! I can't wait to post wedding pictures, since we're married now I don't care if I put pictures up or not. :) Things have been going well on the step-mom front as well. 9K decided that he is going to call me mom, permanently. He told C he was tired of calling me K. :) The girls are still indecisive, but that is something they know is totally up to them. I hope everyone is faring well, as we get back from summer vacations and head into a new school year. I think I'm going to join PTA this year. :) C and I have decided to wait till our one year anniversary (which we are spending in Jamaica) and when we get back he is getting a reversal and we are going to start trying to have a baby of our own! (YAY!) Other than that things are going as good as can be expected. The Ex is still insane, and dying of bitterness. Oh well...I pray everyday for her. That's all I can do. I put her in God's hands because he is the only one who knows her heart.

Best to all of you, and next time I post it will be with wedding pictures!!!

-K

How to Deal When the Ex Hurts Your Feelings

So I have the entire month of July off for vacation. I chose, through my own good willed nature, to watch all 3 kids the first 3 weeks of July. This is also the last 3 weeks before my wedding. Today I sent the Ex the schedule for July. I am one of those people that likes things planned, and so I am doing a three week "summer school" with the kids. I am planning small activities every day, and a big trip once every week. (zoo, water park, etc.) Well, she said okay to my schedule but then went back and texted me saying she wants them "here and there" but not on the weekends. I asked her (very politely) to let me know what 'here and there' is, since I am setting up a packed schedule. ( I refuse to hear even one, "I'm bored!") She then texts me back and says, "Well, they are my kids REMEMBER?" Well that was rude. Most of the time I would reply, quite snidely, that oh, I seem to have let that slip my mind and she can forget about even calling me for a week. But instead, mostly probably due to the fact I was in church, I messaged her back saying, 'just let me know so I don't plan things on the days you want them.' I then sat back, took a deep breath, and sent her this: "When you say things like if I remember whose kids they are, it really hurts my feelings. I chose to use my vacation to help you and C. I want to feel like what I do is appreciated. If you don't appreciate it, or want to act like it at least, I don't have to do it. I have 10 million other things I could do instead." and believe it or not, she actually said she knew and was sorry! It was the most civil exchange of remarks-hurt feelings-apology we have ever had. I took a deep breath and felt much better since I voiced myself and she apologized. It was hard for me to take the high road and do that instead of being rude back, but honestly it made me feel a lot more at peace than when I sink to her level. That usually just pisses away my whole day. So, Yay for me! :)

On a precious note; 4K had decided my dad's name is "Bug-Killer-Man". She can't seem to remember his name is Tom, and he kills any bugs she sees at their house, hence the name. We were at the pool and there was a tiny bug floating in the water and neither I nor C would get it out for her so she sat on the wall, grumbling, "I wish Bug-Killer-Man was here. He would get the bug out for me. I wish he was here." It's so cute. My dad just adores her too. I love watching him with the kids, especially 4K, and then envisioning him with his biological grand kids. That is going to be so fun! One more year!!!!! Did I mention that? I can't remember if I did. Next year, for C my one year anniversary we are going to Sandals in Jamaica and when we get back he gets unfixed and we are going to try to have a baby! (funfunfunfunfun) Anyways....

My house is a mess from the tornado of kids through it over the weekend, my hair is probably turning green as I type, and my eyes are drooping. The house is going to have to wait, a shower, dinner and bed sound like the plan. :)

I hope everyone had a great weekend!

yay :)

I was so happy to see that people still swing by here. Thank you all for your comments. I really do appreciate them!! Things have been going better since I said, No More! and I'm able to take a deep breath and not fantasize about beating the living daylights out of her. I tried to talk to her to figure out a solution, but that went no where fast. We haven't talked since. C has completely stopped answering her phone calls, and she is texting to have the kids call her. I think this is going to work out okay. The only problem is now she is holding it all in until she sees us. When C dropped 9K off at school yesterday she was there at the same time dropping the girls off and apparantly they got into a screaming match in the school parking lot. :P Classy on both their parts. Oh well. At least I didn't have to witness it. She told me I was being a control freak because I don't want her calling all hours of the day to whine and bitch at us. Uh-huh...riiiiiiiight. Anyways!

New News-I am trying to get a work-from-home job with about.com writing articles. How snazzy would that be? 2 articles a month and updating a blog 3 times a week. Sounds like fun to me. :) Well, wish me luck and thank you, Mister M, Lacey and clever girl for your comments. That's what makes it so worth writing. :)

Nothin but love,
K

How have I survived?

Wow. I can't believe it has been 2 months since I have come to my favorite resting spot. No wonder I'm frazzled and at my wits end. Things have gone so downhill guys; I don't even know where to start. Well, how about we start with the positive? :) That always makes me happy. My wedding has been moved up to July 19th, so needless to say I've spent every waking moment, sleeping moment and zombie-in-between moments thinking and planning. My parents have been excellent with the kids, and my first Mother's Day made me cry tears of happiness. 9K made me a jewelry box he painted all by himself, 8K made me a picture frame she painted all by herself and 4K made me a necklace and bracelet set all by herself. C, my most wonderful and thoughtful fiancé took them to the crafts store and let them all pick out what they wanted to make me. It was really great.
Now onto the 'not-so-great' part. The ex, whom at one point, (if any one person has read my blog in its entirety..I'm sorry.) was phrased by me to be a sane and functional person, although rather neglectful of personal hygiene. Since we announced our new wedding date? She has gone full-blown postal. Our entire lives revolve around 'ex-management'. I had a breaking point last night where I just said, "I can't live like this! Where are we, and how did we come to be here?" She was merely a nuisance before. She was just an annoying fly buzzing around my peripheral vision but now she is a wasp attacking my face. Her calls have been on an upward spiral from anywhere between once to five times a night. She is guilt-tripping the kids for giving me mothers day presents. She is telling 9K he has anxiety attacks because he gets short of breath sometimes. She told him he is going to die if he eats candy. I wouldn't be surprised if she CAUSED him to have an anxiety attack. 9K feels and sees the new tension between his mommy dearest and I, and I think it is causing him pain. I just don't know what to do. I smile and put on a happy face when I just want to punch her square in the mouth. It's so stressful. I'm sure most of you have to deal with this day in and day out and I'm sure I sound like I'm whining. Which I am. heh. At least I still have my sense of humor, right? So I tried to talk to C about it today, but unfortunately K and word-speaking-good don’t go together so well. I guess it came out that I don’t want the kids around because our lives revolve around this, when that just doesn’t sound like what I’m trying to say. I don't know how to say what it is I feel. I just want C to myself for like, 2 seconds. Example: We had dinner with both of our parents last week. It was wonderful right up until she called to yell about something. He excused himself from the table and went outside to talk to her and I was left to fill the awkward gap for 15 minutes until I went out and got him and told him to get off the phone that instant. I can't even have one dinner without being rudely reminded she exists. If he doesn't answer the phone she flips and starts calling both of us alternately. So I enacted a rule today. She can call, leave a message and if she wants to talk to 9K, he will call her back, otherwise she can leave it in the message whatever is on her mind that stupid second. What do you think? Is it too much? Not enough? Should I build a fort of pillows and blankets around me with crayon drawn pictures of "no ex's allowed"? I feel so trapped. Its got me clawing at the celing. I hope people still stop by here, even if it's been months since I've written. I need advice! Lemme know what ya'll think.
Grumpy in her fort,
K