Sickies

I have been really sick the past few weeks. I got better for about 3 days and now I'm feeling so light headed I had to have C drive me to work. I am dizzy and burning up but my feet are cold. Fan-Freakin-Tastic. :P

I'll be back with more as soon as I don't feel like the chair is getting swept out from under me.

Hope all your Christmas' were good, ours was wonderful. The kids got SO much stuff. SO SO much. lol...I was always jealous as a child of kids who got two christmas' like that...now my prespective is much different but dude, these kids do get way more than kids whose parents aren't divorced! Although it doesn't make up for the emotional pain...ever. I'm sorry if i'm rambling..I'm going to go lie down now. :P

-Poor Poor K

Things I'm Thankful For/Step-mom's letter to santa

Since I posted my last post I've taken a few minutes to breathe deeply and think about good things. I decided to write them down.

First off, I'm thankful I have a fiance who loves me unconditionally and is able to tolerate me day in and day out.

I'm thankful for three step kids who, no matter where they wish they were, love me very much.

I'm thankful I got into my collage of choice, I just found out yesterday.

I'm thankful one of my dance students was thoughtful and brought me a gift for Christmas.

I'm thankful I can wake up in the morning and be happy to go to work, and my work is equally happy to see me.

I'm thankful I have a roof over my head, decent furniture and I live with 2 (decently) tidy guys.

I'm thankful for my grandma who talked some sense into my mom while she was visiting.

I'm thankful my parents are being more open to C and the kids.

I'm thankful C's parents are so great to me.

I'm thankful I am walking with God and have found a wonderful church.

I'm thankful I got to be there yesterday when my 9 year old sister, Princess got her ears pierced. (such a trooper!)

I'm thankful I will have a little extra money to go Christmas shopping with this week.

I'm thankful for my friends who are kind to the kids and don't try and tell me I'm crazy (believe me, I already know that.)

I'm sure there are many more things I am thankful for, but that's what came to my mind in the past 10 minutes. I feel better now. *sniff sniff*

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A friend of mine posted this as a bulletin on myspace, but I thought I would steal it. :)
This is the mom version, but then I flipped a few phrases and made my own out of it below :)


Dear Santa, I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor and sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:
I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.
I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere.
If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone. On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.
I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.
If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container. If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.
Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.
Yours Always,
MOM...
P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.

~~~~~My version~~~~~

Dear Santa, I've been a good step-mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled her children, even when they didn't want it. I've picked-up, dropped-off and bent over backwards just to spend more time with them. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my step-daughter's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.
Here are my Christmas wishes: I'd like a thank-you, just once in a while for all the hard work that goes into raising kids that aren't mine, and perhaps you can make the ex more (human) I mean understanding. Please make her see that even though I still have my figure, not to be jealous because I've given everything else that is required of a mom to the kids but with none of small bonuses (like Mommy Christmas Presents made at school) she gets.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, K" to boost my parental confidence, along with three kids who don't fight and two large fishbowl Margarita's 'on-the-house' whenever I venture into a restaurant. I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "I don't care what happens at your mom's house" and "Yes you have to take baths every night," because my voice seems to be just out of my step-kid's hearing range and can only be heard by the dogs.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for a deluxe transportation system to get them from one house to the other, or at least make her drive some of the time. If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce the children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.
Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my step-daughter saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think she wants her crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,
step-MOM...
P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep these beautiful angels young enough to believe in Santa, always.

Good Guy vs. Bad Guy

So yesterday I picked up 9K from school right when school got out. He was so excited not to have to go to ESS and things were looking good. He told me he felt great because he got to turn in all his homework, didn't get detention or any character cards. He said he felt like a new person. I thought the day was going well. (hahaha stupid me.)

I took him with me to my dance class and he sat working on his homework. C met us there because we were going to my brother's girlfriend's dance recital when I was done. C got there about halfway through my class, took 9K out of the room with all his work/backpack. When I finished I asked C, "Did you check 9K's work?" "Yes, I checked it. It's done." was the reply I received, so off we headed to Kelsey's dance recital. We finished up, stopped by the bookstore to pick up a book for 9K's book exchange at school and headed home. It was 8:30 when we got home. 9K still had one homework assignment to do that had to wait till we got home because he needed a dictionary. I pull it out and in the process look over the "checked" homework. Needless to say, it was filled out but all wrong. I showed it to C and got really mad he told me he checked it when obviously he had not. His response, "I looked at it, it looked done." What?! WHAAT?! He KNOWS 9K just fills stuff in. He KNOWS it has to be corrected. I would have told them to just go home and work on it and gone to the recital myself if I knew he had to redo everything! So now here I am, the bad guy telling him he has to redo it, while C is playing online poker and 9K is having an emotional break down. C just ignores it while 9K screams at me he wishes he was at his mom's house because she doesn't make him redo work. I have to sit down and redo this stupid shit with him and now it's 9 o'clock. C yells at him to knock it off from the other room, (Oh gee, thanks. That helped a TON) And 9K starts pulling his hair, crying and saying he wants to shoot himself and then that he would rather stab himself than do this, or that he would rather live on the street than have to do homework. He starts calling himself stupid over and over and he just can't seem to catch his breath and calm down. This goes on for about 15 minutes and I'm just sitting there horrified. This is straight out of a Dr. Phil episode. Finally he calms down and starts to focus, we finish that assignment but now there are 2 more he has to do so I tell him he can wake up early and finish them. C tells me he will get up with him in the morning and do it. I go stand in the shower and cry.

So this morning I wake up, and C is getting dressed and I asked him what time it was (because they were supposed to wake up at 5:45 to get his work done) and he says, it's 6:45. They have to leave at 7. I was so pissed. First he blows it off the previous night, then he screws it up that morning. I don't want this to wind up causing problems for C and I, but it looks like it's going to. I just don't see how it's fair I am the bad guy while C gets to be the good guy. Hmmff. Not Fair! (says the 3 year old in me)

9K

Ahhh so...Last night was 9K's first night living with us. Tonight was the first night doing homework. He has a chart that goes through the end of January and if he completes it, he gets to go on a trip to Big Bear and go snowboarding with his dad. :) Tonight was difficult. It was a lot of 'I've already done this!!!' But yet, he doesn't know the answers and I feel like he's going to end up hating me because I make him work hard and take showers and brush his teeth and his mom does nothing of the sort...Her place is going to become so fun and great while ours transforms from tranquil yet organized to a constant war front. Please tell me it gets easier....

Gimme a V, Dot the I, Curl the C-T-O-R-Y! VICTORY!

As everyone that reads my pathetic little ramblings of mumbo jumbo and whining knows, C and I have been trying to get the Ex to let 9K live with us. We prayed on it everyday. So get this! Sunday, the Ex takes C outside to 'talk' then I get invited out like 20 minutes later to hear, lo and behold, either God sat down with the Ex and had a heart to heart, or a flower pot fell off a window sill and hit her on the head, because words I never expected to hear were coming out of her mouth.

And I quote:
The Ex: I can't take him anymore. He's in my face yelling at me, throwing his hands up like a gang banger, he is wearing bandanna's under his hats, and now he wants to toilet paper houses.
Me: *stunned silence*...That sounds difficult.
The Ex: It's crazy. I love him so much (Que crying) he's my son you know? But I can't control him and I'm scared for myself and for his sisters if he stays here.
Me: (I said something but I don't remember what it was...I felt awful she was crying)
The Ex: C has control over him, and I know he respects you, K. You are that perfect balance between toughness and love.
Me: Ah, well, ya know, I try.
The Ex: No, really. I want that maternal figure around him, but you can do that K, and I can't.
Me: *stunned silence once again*

I can't believe she wants to do whats best for her son. I can't believe she admitted that SHE thinks I can do it...

Crazy what comes from prayer....

New Schedule:
All Kids: Wednesday night (new addition: They sleep over and we take them to school/daycare in the AM) Still every other weekend.
9K-will be with us ALL days except Thursday evenings and every other Friday and Saturday with pickup at 10:00 AM on Sunday. (even on her weekend)

She willingly cut her visitation down to less than 8 days a month. Waking hours she will be with him? Less than 2 full days. Wow. I only hope God gives me the strength I will need to raise this boy. There is going to be a lot of change around here!!! Pray for us... and Hoooray for a fabulous Victory!

Thoughts on Preschool

My most vivid memory of preschool is sitting in time out. I had, on purpose, thrown a wooden block directly at a little boy's head. I was furious for getting in trouble, mostly because I felt justified in my actions. Ahh, good memories.

4K is currently in daycare. Why, you ask, would a 4 year old be in daycare instead of preschool? Well, let's see. The Ex has decided that 4K is not in 'need' of preschool. She is going to go straight to kindergarden next year. This is honestly the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I could understand if she was gifted and had a dedicated parent working with her. (hahaha) But this little one doesn't know her numbers, doesn't know her letters, and can't write her name! Three of the most important things needed to go into kindergarten. I'm not doubting that she could catch up, but why start a child on a road of disadvantage? C even agrees that 9K should have gone two years in preschool because he wasn't catching on. It would cost her an extra 200 bucks a month to have 4K in preschool this year. She would have gone to the preschool down the street from her current daycare provider. After school her daycare provider would pick her up so the Ex wouldn't have to do anything. *sigh*

The best thing to do in a situation when you can't change the other person is to change your attitude. I got flash cards for 4K, numbers and letters, and I plan on working with her until she goes into school next fall. Hopefully with my dedication she will not only be prepared, but ahead.

I'm going tomorrow with my Mama to get a pedicure. :) I need K time. I'm still not used to sharing with 3 kids who think everything is theirs. Funniest argument I've ever gotten in with a child:
9K: K, who's car is this?
Me: My car.
9K: No it's not. It's Daddys car.
Me: Well, we share, but technically it's my car. My name's on the paperwork, I insure it, and actually 9K, it was my first car before my truck.
9K: No it's not. It's Daddys car.
Me: What? Didnt' you hear a word I just said? This was my first car.
9K: Well it's everyone's car since it's Daddys. So it's mine and my sisters and you share it to.
Me: Um. No. It's my car. I share it with your father.
9K: Then it's ours too.
Me: No. It. Is. NOT. It's MINE.

All of a sudden I felt extremely possessive and I didn't want to share! I didn't want to share with a nine year old! Hahaha I look back at that and think, why did I fall into that? All I had to say was, "Yep. It's everyones." And that would have stopped the argument dead in its tracks instead of me getting all frustrated. Does anyone else have a hard time sharing? lol I need a time out...I'm about to start throwing blocks. :)

Exhausted

So C got a new job, and it has him working the nights and weekends we usually have the kids...so this past vacation week I had them Wednesday alone, Friday alone and Saturday alone. I usually treasure my alone time with the kids since it is mostly a rarity but dear Lord...by the end of Saturday I was ready to throw them all in a river. Don't get me wrong, I love them so so much, but I can only take so much whining/crying/fits/emotional break downs. They aren't used to their dad being gone like that since he has never had to work on weekends before, and so every TWO seconds they were asking me when he was coming home. It was like a mantra. "I said 6." (two seconds later) "I said 6!" (two seconds later) "I SAID SIX!!"

4K got in big trouble on Friday. We were at C's parents house, and they are neurotic about their furniture/floors/counters/everything and whenever 4K is being naughty she sneaks into a corner of the front room (the off limits room). So I see her sneaking and being quiet so I call out, "4K, what are you doing? What do you have?" "Noooooottthiiiing" Uh huh. Sure. So I go over there and ask again, "What do you have?" "K, I said Nuh-thing!" (with that smirky attitude I so very much hate) So, I pick her up to find her lying on a red marker. She's not allowed to have pens and markers because she draws on herself. So then Grandma walks in the room and starts gasping like a fish so I look to see what she's gasping at, and 4K has written all over the couch, and on a side table in red marker. 4K immediatly starts bawling. A four year old did this?, I thought. I was so taken aback. I just stood there and Grandma put 4K face first into a corner for a really long time. Personally it's not how I would have handled it, but since it was her house I didn't stand in the way of her discipline. I was just really shocked. I would expect that from a two year old, but a four year old knows that's wrong. So I've been wondering what made her act out like that. Perhaps its because she wasn't getting attetion since I was reading my book and Grandma was cooking. I really don't know.

On a good note, 9K finished his report, and did a fantastic job. We broke it into 4 parts so he wouldn't have to sit forever and get bored and stressed. It was really great to see him work so hard. I wrote a note for his teacher in his writing folder that said we were very proud of him. :)

Funny moment: The ex asks if 9K got his report done, and I said, "Yes he did."
And she goes, "Well then I'll go ahead and e-mail the teacher."
So I told her, "Don't worry about it! I already talked to her."
The Ex: "Oh...this week?!"
Me: "No, but she knew that I would be working on it with him and she lent me a class writing book (show exhibit A), gave me his writing notebook (show exhibit B), and knew it would be in on Monday."
The Ex: "Well I bet it was really easy because, I mean, he looked almost done with it."
Me: "Actually no, it took a lot of hard work on his part because it was not even near close to done. He had an Idea. I don't consider that, "nearly done"
The Ex: "Oh."

Slowly but surely the tide turns in my favor...

:) I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving! C and I had a nice little dinner by ourselves Thursday then with his parents and the kids on Friday. (Then I went and got drunk with my friends...I sooo deserved my girls night out!)

9K cont.

Wow, that's the most comments I've ever gotten on a post! I'm really glad when I see people put time and energy into commenting on my page. I appreciate everyone sharing their thoughts.

So to answer my own questions about what the Ex thought more on me overstepping...Nothing more. I guess it was a fleeting thought because she asked us to watch them Sunday and everything was business as usual. 9K asked what I met with his teacher about, it was so cute. He goes, "Was it a bad meeting or a good meeting?" and I said, "It was just a meeting to talk about things." and he goes, "Oh, so it was a...creative meeting?" and I laughed and said, "Yes! Exactly! A creative meeting." and it was left at that. I cleaned his room and their bathroom with the help of a friend who is down visiting from Monteray. She had gone to church with us and was therefore dragged to the Ex's house. lol...The Ex went on and on about how she was thankful I cleaned and was super nice without a hint of sarcasm or meanspirtedness. (is that a word?) No mention of the meeting, nothing. I'm glad. I didn't want things to be awkward because as far as our relationship goes, we get along. There is no screaming or name calling between us, (C and her is another story though) I keep my thoughts about her parenting skills to myself and we just go on all hunky-dory-like. As a person she isn't bad. Honestly if we were the same age we would probably be friends. But as my future stepchildrens mother? Depressing. C put it really well, "Honestly Ex is doing the best she can. Unfortunatly for the kids, this is her best. She lacks the capacity to care about anyone but herself, and it's sad, but true." And I agree.

Funny Moment:
My friend was all hackles up when the Ex got home because she is super protective of me. I told her to be sure and be polite. Well, the Ex looks at 9k's room, and we had stacked the bags and bags of trash outside the room in the hallway, and the Ex goes, "I hate seeing this trash in the hallway, I think I'm going to just put it all back in 9K's room for now..." Hahahhaha I saw my friends face turn purple. We suggested putting it in the trash can outside. Which we did. When we left my friend was like, "OH MY GOD. K, you weren't kidding! Who does that?!"

Sweet Sweet 7K...made a turkey with feathers that had what she was thankful for written on them. One said, I'm thankful for my mom and dad because they are nice to me. The next one said, I'm thankful for my sister because she plays with me. The next one said, I'm thankful for my teachers because they are nice...and then...on a hot pink feather...it said, I'm thankful for my step mom because she lets me play with her hair. :) *heart swelling with love* Nothing beats that feeling. I would sit through a lifetime of crappy bad news parent teacher conferences just for that feeling. :)

Not Involved vs. Too Involved

As I said in my last blog, Thursday I went to a meeting with 9K's teacher. I guess the ex was under the impression C was going (not me) but flipped her bucket when she found out just I went. She didn't want either of us setting up this meeting, saying that we were wasting the teachers time as Ex had already been to the meeting we couldn't attend and "told us everything" uh huh. Right. I will believe that the day she admits she's a horrible parent as well.

The meeting went well. The teacher is maybe 3 or 4 years older than me, so we got along great. She really likes 9K, making it a point to tell me that although he struggles so badly he is a sweet kid, and you usually don't see those two together. Troublemaker in class, bad grades but he brings her candy bars and gives her hugs. It's so sad because I know it's all just a lack of parental teaching. I believe strongly that a parent is a child's first teacher, and if you teach your child he can walk all over you, disrespect you, cuss and do what he pleases how well do you think he's going to do when he waltzes into society and gets bitch slapped by the world? Not well I can assure you. It sets him up to have a life long struggle with authority. I wish I had written this yesterday when it was all still buzzing around my head. We discussed the lack of follow through on the Ex's part. 9K is supposed to go on a trip to Sacramento in March and when teacher met with the Ex, the Ex went into her money problems (oh my god, who does this with complete strangers?) and teacher felt so badly for the Ex she made a huge chart for 9K, with days, and goals and everything. Gave it to the Ex and 9K was supposed to get a sticker every day he did his homework and would earn 2 dollars from mom toward the fifty dollar deposit on the trip. Teacher never heard another thing. (we never even knew about this.) Next we know, she's begging C's mom for the fifty to put down for the trip. Then she tells the teacher she doesn't care about losing the deposit if 9K doesn't get to go because of his grades. *snort* of course she doesn't care. It's not her money. Teacher tells me that she gave up checking 9K's homework binder for signatures because it was never done. Same with his reading log. It was downhill from there. I asked if 9K smelled okay in school and she said she was glad I brought that up because she meant to mention it to the Ex that he reeked all the time. (oh great.) I told her about how they don't get frequent showers, and the living conditions at their home leave much to be desired. She said she suspected as much. I brought up the fact that C and I have been really discussing having 9K come live with us during the week next year, (we just live too far right now, but we are looking for a place closer to them) and she said, I think the situation is drastic enough that he should move to your house NOW. That hit home. She wasn't defending the Ex (which I honestly thought she would do) and has put it to me that unless there are significant changes ASAP, 9K will slide farther and farther into the sinkhole he's in. I asked her if he will get out of 4th grade this year, and she came back with a great answer. She told me, "the question is not 'if' he will graduate 4th grade, it's 'should' he graduate 4th grade? Will holding him back hurt or help? the gap becomes wider every year but the repercussions of repeating a grade are big too." I thought that was a very insightful way of putting it. I'm wondering myself if he should or shouldn't.
So I get home, and when C gets home I discuss everything the teacher told me, showed him the writing book I was loaned to get 9K's report done over the holiday, and then the Ex calls. Screaming that I'm trying to take her place. (umm no, and I wouldn't be doing this if SHE was doing her job like we've told her to do a THOUSAND BILLION times!) So C and her start yelling (pretty usual) and C brings up the idea of 9K living with us and she goes "that will never happen!" Even though those were the arrangements when they first separated. So C tells her that it will be on her shoulders then when he doesn't get out of 4th grade and she is holding him back and impeding him from being the kid we know he can be. So we'll see where that goes...

I saved the best for last. Get. This. So Teacher and I are talking, and another teacher walks by and I get introduced as 9K's future step mom and she goes on about how much she likes 9K and, 'oh btw did Teacher give so-and-so 9K's medical tests'... huh. What tests? Teacher tells me that the Ex is...get this...trying to prove 9K has a learning disability so she can get out of doing any homework with him whatsoever. Make it so he has a special tutor for 'special' kids. Can you believe this? The boy does NOT have anything remotely close to a learning disorder. Yes, he is jumpy but dear lord introduce me to a 9 year old with a high level of testosterone that isn't! 2 years ago the Ex took the boy to get tested for ADHD and the tests showed negative. She dragged him to every doctor she could find until she found one that would give him meds. She never told C, and the only reason he found out was because 9K was acting so weird. All he wanted to do was lay on the couch, (and this is a super super active kid) so he questioned the Ex and she said, oh I put him on meds. *sigh* Needless to say, I'm glad I wasn't around for that fight. Neither C or I believe in medication for ADD or ADHD because it is just a ridiculous way for parents with high energy kids to dull them down. That's fine if you disagree with me, but hey, then don't be asinine and let your baby watch TV. It rewires their little brains and they develop ADD later in life. There are many ways to go about 'fixing' a child who has 'ADD' Set schedules. Stick to routine, don't drag things out...lots of things. Personally I think our society on a whole has ADD. But enough of that. The point is she is trying to prove he has a learning disability! When he clearly doesn't! Just so she can get out of helping him and blame it on something other than herself! UGGGH!

How I feel right now:
frustrated over all
impatient to move and get custody of 9K
nervous about working on his report with him
scared about what his mom has said to him about me 'overstepping'
glad I finally got to set the record straight and let the teacher know C and I are there for 9K

Any advice?

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

OOOh. If there is one thing I hate, I hate when kids old enough to know the difference between truth and lies, lie to me. This past weekend we were told by the Ex that 9K had a writing assignment that he had not done in school that HAD to be completed. 9K told us that he had to do it Friday in ISS (in school suspension) because it was due sometime during the week, yet not completed. There was no red writing folder in his backpack, so we trusted him. He swore up and down it was done, and at school. I e-mailed his teacher letting him know what the little manipulative turkey had said, and I hoped so badly to hear back that he was being honest. Nope. This the e-mail I received back from her.

-----------

Hi K,

It's nice to see how many of you are pulling for him!--(What? All 2 of us?)-- As you know, 9K can be very manipulative. He knew he had to bring that home and that I had contacted his mom to have him finish the assignment. This is not the first time that he "doesn't have the materials" or "finished it at school."

I agree that patient, one-on-one help is essential for him. In a school setting we are not afforded the time we need to do this to the extent that 9K needs it, so it is imperative that he have home support. I have met with his mom and know that unfortunately this isn't possible daily. Knowing you have him on Wed. is great. I can send home anything requiring extra attention for you then.

If you'd like to come in and meet I am available today and Thursday. With the break coming up it would be best to do it asap. Today we could do any time between 1 and 2, or Thursday between 8 and 2. I'd think 20-30 minutes should be enough.

Please let me know which works.

-Teacher

---------------------

So I am meeting her on Thursday to discuss this. It irratates me that all the information about how he is doing goes to his mother and we don't hear anything until after the fact. I for one, want to ground him. Not because he didn't do the assignment, but because he lied straight to our faces for 4 days about it. I want to ground him until all his grades improve. I want to ground him until he goes a month without a single report from the teacher about not completing his homework. I want to ground him till he's 30. When I lied as a competent child that's what happened to me. All privileges revoked, no friends, no TV, and a serious talk about trust that made me wish my parents would just yell and be mad. Disappointment is far worse than anger. This kid is not going to pass 4th grade at this point. At his school they have the 'character pillars', which promotes the motto, "Character Counts"
When they violate one of the 6 pillars, they get sent home with a 'character card' to sign stating which pillar was violated, what happened and a statement from the child on how to change his or her actions to not let it happen again. We just found out he gets these daily. He usually gets more than ONE daily. A packet was shoved way down in his back pack that was SO full of these I was astonished. The Ex never breathed a word of this! This seriously sets off red flags for me as an aspiring teacher. How do we move past this? Here are the 6 pillars of character. What a fantastic thing to teach in schools, I think.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Trustworthiness
One of the Six Pillars of Character is Trustworthiness. Here are some of the trustworthy behaviors we will be focusing on at school.
-Be honest
-Stand up for what you believe in.
-Keep your word.
-Return what you borrow.
-Keep promises.
-Be your best.
You can be watching for these positive behaviors in your child. When you see trustworthiness in action, show your appreciation through a compliment.
A great way to teach your child about this character trait is to discuss the trustworthiness of people in the news. This is a wonderful way to talk about current events as well as popular people’s images. What do the words and actions of movie stars, musicians, politicians, and other public figures say about their character? Are they trustworthy?

Respect
One of the Six Pillars of Character is Respect. Here are some of the ways Respect is shown:
-Courtesy
-Politeness
-Appreciation of individual differences
-Respecting others’ rights
At home, your whole family can work on being more polite and courteous to one another. Often people “forget their manners” around those with whom they are most familiar. When you raise the standards in this area, you’ll be pleased at the change.
You might also focus on the unique qualities of your family members. Each day during meal time, for example, you might all name a good trait for one person. For example, “Dad is a good storyteller. He makes me laugh. I like Dad’s pancakes.” By focusing on what each person does well, you are appreciating that person’s unique abilities. This idea can be carried outside the home, helping children to see that people who are different from you and your family have unique abilities to be admired and respected.
Have fun practicing Respect!

Responsibility
One of the Six Pillars of Character is Responsibility. We will be working on being reliable, setting a good example for others, and doing our best. A good way to reinforce responsibility at home is to give your child chores or tasks to do. The goal is to have children complete their work on their own, without reminders from you, and on time. When you assign responsibilities to family members, be sure the task is understood and a time frame for getting it done is clear. You might need to check on progress from time to time, especially if the job is a new one.
It is a great idea to plan with your child a regular schedule for him or her to use in completing homework and other school or extracurricular activities. Often students need a structure and a time frame in which to complete their responsibilities on their own.
Responsibility also can include having self-control, choosing to have a positive attitude, and being persistent.

Fairness
Fairness is one of the Six Pillars of Character. At school we will be talking about ways to promote Fairness, such as:
-Be open-minded.
-Listen to others.
-Try to understand what others are saying and feeling.
-Be careful making judgments about others.
-Be consistent.
-Treat people equally and equitably.
When you hear the age-old whine, “It’s not fair!” from your child, ask him or her what is unfair about the situation. In talking through these problems, you can teach a good lesson on what Fairness is.

Caring
One of the Six Pillars of Character is Caring. We will be showing that we care about one another at school through kindness, sharing, compassion, and helpfulness. We will be remembering to treat others as we would like to be treated.
You and your family can show kindness at home by giving each other anonymous ‘secret buddy’ notes, doing small chores as a surprise for others, and family members can ‘catch’ each other in the act of kindness.
Being charitable is another way of demonstrating Caring. Together as a family, you could select a group, a cause, or a needy individual to help. Putting other people’s needs in front of your own, is a good way to show that you care about them!

Citizenship
One of the Six Pillars of Character is citizenship. Here are some of the ways good citizenship is shown:
-Play by the rules.
-Obey laws, and respect authority.
-Do your share of the work.
-Be charitable, and help by volunteering your time.
-Be good neighbors.
-Protect the environment and conserve natural resources.
It would be wonderful if your family could discuss ways to be a good citizen. A way for your child to practice citizenship would be through following family rules, school rules, and game rules. Volunteering to help others and taking care of the environment are ways to show good citizenship. Perhaps you can recycle more, plant trees on special occasions, or participate in litter cleanup projects.
Have fun practicing good citizenship!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think I'm going to print these out and put them on the fridge and starting giving out my own character cards. Perhaps that would help him. Consistency is the key. If he gets it all week in school, plus at our house maybe that will help him. That is all he needs. Consistency! I wish so badly he had the support system he needs so desperately...I see now why C wants him to live with us and just visit his mom, instead of the way it is now. I want him to have the brightest future possible. He is such an amazing, loving, talented and smart kid I hate to see things in the mess they are now because of a wretched divorce. It's just not fair to the kids. Luckily it's only 9K. His sister, 7K, loves school and homework. Hope everyone else is having a good school year! Go out and build some character!

What's wrong with this picture

To expand on the stinkiness of my youngest step daughter...4K and her sister share a room at their moms house...and it is SOO SOOOOOO filthy. I can't even begin to describe the filth. Knee deep. How's that? Well today I had the kids by myself because it's a holiday so I didn't work and they didn't have school. Which also means... I had to drop them off. Alone. *dun dun dun* I asked the Ex if she would mind me cleaning the kids rooms when I got there because then at least maybe I could do SOMETHING to spare them the vile mess they live in. So the Ex said sure and by the way she wasn't going to be home and oh, would I be so kind as to watch the chillins until she gets back? (half an hour she swears) So she left at one, I didn't get to her house till 1:30 and ummm she didn't get home till 6:30. But I certainly kept myself busy! I spent those entire 5 hours cleaning the girls room! I didn't take a single break. It was so disgusting. My teenage dirty brothers room isn't as bad as this was. She claims they have no clothes...Well maybe that's because they are on the bottom of the knee deep piles of TRASH. I can't even begin to tell you how foul it was. I am one of those weird people that gets personal satisfaction out of organization and tearing apart a whole room and redoing EVERYTHING doesn't really daunt me. I gutted it. I took all the furniture out. I took all the toys out (that I didn't throw out!). Then I had to vacuum like 20 times because the carpet was SO dirty. Then I got down on hands and knees to pick melted crayon off the carpet. Most of their clothes were in their brothers room, so I retrieved them, moved the dresser out of the closet (I know, What is that in their for?) and rearranged the furniture and put all the clothes in their designated drawers and all the toys I didn't throw away finally had a home in the fully shelved closet that was previously completely blocked off by the dresser. Oh and get this. The dresser was full of clothes! Buut...you know what size these clothes were? 6 months-18 months. That's right. A girl who wears 4T and a girl who wears size 7 live in this room. And their dresser was chock full of baby clothes. Yucky baby clothes at that. I mean, I understand saving precious memorable stuff. But seriously, this was just crazy. So I took out all the clothes that were 20 sizes too small and put them in a big box in HER room! :) I let her know she could go through them if she pleased. They had shoes (piles and piles of shoes) that didn't fit either of them that were just trashed and gross. (again, nothing to save) Not a single thing was folded. 7K kept her clothes in a broken drawer under her bed, because there was no where else for her to put them. It was downright depressing. But, it is beautiful now. Clean, organized...ahh...So the Ex gets home and you know what she says? "oh. thanks....you didn't do 9K's room?" *pause* WHAAT WOMAN?! I just spent 5 hours doing the most back breaking cleaning I've ever had to do in a child's bedroom and all you have to say is 'gee why didn't you do his room too?" This is where in my head I'm smacking her. She. Just. Doesn't. Get. It. It is beyond her range of understanding.
How did she get past the point in evolution where we walked on two legs? Her responses to seemingly easy-respond situations astound me. Does anyone else ever look at their fiance/husband and think, "Wow. What drug was HE on when he married this wacko?" Because I do. All the time.

How did she get past the point in evolution where we walked on two legs?

In other news. I have decided that stressing myself out about the condition in which the children arrive in our care is not worth the time and effort. Yes. They are dirty. Yes that is bothersome. But I'm NOT, I say, NOT going to spend the next fourteen years stressing over the minor things. They are fed. They are alive. It's nothing a good bath, and a washing machine can't fix. *happy note* I taught 7K how to wash her own hair today. That should up her cleanliness level. She was pretty excited about being able to do it all by herself. Oh and before I left the ex's house...7K grabs me and drags me up to her newly beautified room and asks me to pick out her outfit for the next day. (standard procedure with C and I at night) It made me smile. I'm glad to see I'm rubbing off on them. :) Perhaps there is luck for their future living spaces after all...

Nobody Likes The Smelly Kid...

Everyone can remember this kid. The one who's hair was so greasy it shone like someone put crisco in it. Their clothes were torn or just plain filthy. Their shoes had duct tape on them. We made fun of this kid. We teased them behind their back. The really mean kids teased them to their face. We just thought they were dirty. Did anyone as a small child sit back and think, oh, it's the parents fault? No, of course not.

I'm horribly embarrassed to say, on Friday when picking up 4k from daycare, I was told in very plain terms that I, Queen of Cleanliness is Next to Godliness, am stepmom to, "The Smelly Kid" I turned bright red. I almost called the Ex right there on the spot. The daycare providers told me that THEY are now giving her baths because she is so dirty. That she comes there in the same clothes day after day after day. That sometimes she's in pjs and the Ex says, "She fought me on getting dressed so she's just wearing this." It's decently cold outside, and she's wearing a summer dress when I pick her up. Her hair stinks. They tell me that they will do her hair on a Thursday and she comes in with it still done Friday and then..STILL on Monday. She will go a week without a bath from her mother. One even told me she babysat at the Ex's house and was so disgusted she never went back. I was horrified. They told me they knew it wasn't me...and said they want to tell the Ex to start acting like a MOM because I guess she complains to them about everything and why she can't seem to get a 4 year old into the bath tub. They said that at least 4k has two good parents who care. *sigh* at least they know it's not me. This is the first time I've picked her up by myself from daycare. I was so mortified. I just...I just don't know how someone who calls themselves a mom even DARES to let her child become "The Smelly Kid" I've discussed 50/50 custody with C. It's just unfortunate we don't live closer to their school to make it possible right now. In the summer I really want to push for it though. 2 weeks at our house, 2 weeks at hers. I think it would be good for everyone.

To add to it all 7k and 9k are just as bad. 9k is to that age where he can take a shower, but he just gets wet. Then he gets fuuuuuurious when you tell him he smells like wet dog and to get right back in and wash. 7k still takes baths for the most part, so she is usually just as stinky as 4k. Their breath REEKS when we pick them up. I don't think they are brushing their teeth. That or they eat poop when no ones looking.

It doesn't help that the Ex lacks personal hygiene as well. Her hair is always streaked with grease and nasty looking.

It's gut wrenching to think they live like this, and that in their minds it is acceptable. It's OKAY to wear shoes with duct tape around them because your mom says she's too broke to buy you new ones. It's OKAY to own only one pair of boxers, and your mom packs underwear 4 sizes too small because you don't have anything else. We give her money and she says she has to use it for bills and "next time" she'll buy you boxers. It's OKAY that all your clothes are filthy and your hair's never brushed. But yet, it's WEIRD that I want you to bathe and I enjoy doing your hair and picking out your outfits for the morning. It's STUPID I make you brush your teeth. It's MEAN you can't wear your shoes that are half duct tape. It's MEAN your dad makes you take a second shower because you didn't wash. We're MEAN because we don't let you eat crap all day long and expect you to eat your dinner.

How warped will this make them? Am I blowing this out of proportion? Am I just some freak who 'doesn't really know' because they aren't mine? I'm fed up. I want to smack her. Right upside her greasy head. Even if that means getting on a step stool to do so because she's so much taller than me. I want to scream, "REALITY CHECK!" in her ear. I wish we had them full time so they would know that people shouldn't live like that. Are they going to grow up dirty? Or will they be perpetual clean freaks because of it? So many questions and never any answers.

-The step mom of the smelly dirty kids (except Wednesdays and every other weekend)

The intricate balance beam act

As many before me have said, Stepmotherhood is a balance between caring too much and not caring enough. This came out in it's truest form on Halloween. Speaking of, I hope everyone had a really good one!

For all intensive purposes I knew that 9K was going to be off with his friends for the evening and I was well aware of the fact I wouldn't see him. Just for the record. So when I called C after trick-or-treating with my sister and he said we weren't going to see the girls, after countless promises that I would be there, needless to say, I got a little pissed. I guess we weren't going because the Ex's father was going to be walking with them as well, and C and Ex's Dad don't get along. Well I told him in a very colorful way that no matter what he did, I was going. I wanted to see the girls, I promised to see the girls and I. Was. Going.

When we got there the Ex was exhausted (after 2 streets? lol) Her dad had gone home, and she told us to take them the rest of the way because she needed a glass of whine, oops I mean wine. So we took the girls alone and it was very nice. I thought all was well until the car ride back. Silence is never good. So I ask whats wrong and I got REAMED about wanting to see the girls but apparently not wanting to see 9K. But. But. But. I knew we weren't going to be seeing him!! I don't understand! Now I don't care?! What?! I didn't even know where to go with this. He thought I didn't know that 9K was going with friends, and I just didn't even care to see him. *ugh* This took a lot of talking to smooth out.

How do you deal when you favor one step child over another?

As it is, I am particularly fond of 4K. I have a soft spot for little ones, especially cuddly little ones. Sometimes I need reminders that there are 2 other kids that also relish my affection. I really have a hard time realizing this because I was raised that attention and affection were directly proportionate to your age and size. As you get older physical affection turns to verbal praise, and attention is greatly paid in areas of art, sports and academics. No, I'm not going to watch you blow up the guys on the computer game nor am I going to squeal gleefully when you sneeze into a glass. But show me your finished homework, or a new trick on your skateboard and I will watch and praise until the sun goes down.

I guess it all goes back to that I was never a physically affectionate child. My mom said from day 1 I pushed her away and she cried and cried saying I didn't love her. I'm just not in snuggle mode 24/7. Especially if you are sticky or dirty.

And now, an excert from Linda Goodmans Sun Signs about the Capricorn Woman :) This is so very much me.

She'll probably instill both thrift and a respect for quality in the youngsters. She'll teach them to "Eat it up, wear it out, make it do or do without." Still, they'll be served the best cuts of meat, and she'll buy them the finest make of shoes. To her, economy does not have to mean cheap. The children will be expected to be polite to relatives and elders, and they'll probably learn excellent manners. They won't be pampered or allowed to willfully disobey. Sticky kisses may not be welcome, but few mothers are more devoted than the female goat. Her children will get a courteous listening ear. She may be a little strict and unsympathetic to their growing pains, but she'll be a fascinated audience for their achievements. The child who runs home from school and shouts, "Guess what I learned today," won't be ignored by the Capricorn mother, who will never be too busy to give her youngsters her interest and attention. After they become teenagers, she may need some help in understanding her children's enthusiastic dreams. She may leam the hard way that she can't dictate their friendships and confine them to "acceptable" people. But she's intelligent enough to adjust and pull in her horns if it looks as though she'll lose more than she'll gain.-

So honestly, how is one to deal when you favor one child over the others? Since they are not your biological children you certainly do not love them all the same nor should you be expected to. They are just like every other person you have met, some you click with and some you don't. I do love all three, don't get me wrong. But when I go shopping...I buy things for 4K. I probably spoil her more than her brother or sister. C finally told me he does know that I love 4K most, but reminded me of the 2 others who want attention too, even though my upbringing would lead me to believe my attention is needed, yes, but not on a constant/all the time basis like 4K, since she's the smallest. Please my dear fellow writers, tell me what you do, when you favor one more than the others???

Fires cont.

So we survived through the fires. Life has been SO hectic since then that I've no time to post. First off, thank God none of my family lost their homes. Only 3 members of our church lost theirs which is a miracle because our church is right beneath the worst burn area.

Well, that's good at least. On a bad note, a lot of people are losing their jobs. Including C. He was working for a rain gutter company doing sales and canvasing but HEY! No one gives a rats ass about home improvement right now because, one, lord only knows how this is going to affect the economy, and two, who is thinking about rain gutters when fire season isn't even over for 2 more months! My dad is worried about his job and he is a VP for a very large title company. Real estate is going down the tubes...*sigh* How depressing.

Okay I'm done with my pity party. :) Cutest thing this weekend: We were all watching the movie Torque and I was oogling the hot main guy, Ford (Martin Henderson) and I told the girls that he's my boyfriend and C says "He's fou-fou." So I start laughing and denying his 'fou-fou-ness'. The kids don't say anything at this moment. A few minutes later, C and I get up to step outside for a smoke and 4K comes around the corner before we walk outside, and says, "K?" and I say, "what honey?" and she goes "you're boyfriend's fou-fou." Then turns around and walks back into the living room. Haha, I don't care, I still think he's hot. :)

Fires

Currently I'm in Lakewood. This is because I have been evacuated. My family got evacuated and wanted me with them...So C is in San Diego still, the kids are down near the stadium with their mom at her friends house because they were evacuated as well...Everyone please pray for our safety... This is so scary. My brother's friend's new house they had just moved into 3 days ago burned down. One of our old houses in Rancho Bernardo burned as well. All my friends and family are evacuated...Everyone except C's parents thank god.

God have mercy on us all. Thank you in advance for your prayers....

Troubled Waters

As I have previously mentioned, the Ex and I get along fairly well. As far as ex's go, she is decent in my book. Buuut, good things never last do they? Last weekend we had to drop the chillins off early because we had a friends baby shower to attend. This is the SECOND time in all the times we have ever had them that we had to drop them off earlier than four. She starts laying in on us about how "that's her only time alone and are we going to be able to keep them longer next weekend because she can't keep doing this" and then she continues with "oh I see you took the kids shopping and bought them clothes well, 7K doesn't have any jeans did you get her those? No?! What? Why not!! blah-de-freakin-blah"
... I'm confused. Did I miss something? Where was the psycho memo? All of this in front of the kids too. So I'm standing in her kitchen, in between her and my future husband, and they are screaming at each other. Talk about uncomfortable! Then, to make things more fun, Monday I went shopping to buy 7K jeans because apparently we're psychic and knew she didn't have jeans but just wanted to stilt the child, and so I call the Ex for her size. I'm pretty sure she's a 6 because she's really skinny. That conversation is quick, to the point, and done. I don't enjoy calling her and feel really awkward doing so when C is not around. So I go to pick C up from his class and she calls right when he gets in the car. She then proceeds to tell me that she 'wants to talk to me when C is not around because I ''understand'' and she told him she wants new years eve and did he talk to me about it?' 'uh, no he hasn't actually because we are already making plans to go to Vegas for new years because January is a big month for us. It is both our birthdays and also the month we announce our engagement' She then launches into a tirade about how she NEEVER gets New Years eve (except last year) and how dare he plan anything when he promised her he would have the kids?!
At this point I've lost the capacity for speech. C is mouthing to get off the F-ing phone with her this instant, but she won't shut up! Then she tells me that she wants us to have the kids during the week to spend the night at least 1 night. Ummm, last I checked they go to school about 40 minutes away from us with no traffic! That would mean sitting in traffic for over 2 hours to get them to school then try to make it back to work? no. I don't think so. At this point C is making hand gestures and is about to tear the phone from my ear so I tell her I really have to go and lo and behold, she continues her rant! I'm holding the phone in my lap telling C that she WON'T shut up and I can't just hang up on her! So finally I get off the phone with her, and C immediately calls her from his phone and starts yelling that 'she can't do that, just because I'm nice and I listen to her, those are his kids and he's the one she needs to talk to and not get me involved' And when that man yells...the world shakes and babies cry. So needless to say I almost start crying.

Someone tell me WTF happened here? Why in God's name did she call me? I understand he yells, and it's scary, but damnit woman you've been putting up with it for almost 10 years! Not my place! Why is she rocking the boat? *sigh* I don't get it.

Babies, Kids and Vasectomies, oh my!

Last night I sat C down and told him how I really felt about IVF. I know he had expressed that was the route he wanted to take, but just the thought makes me cringe. I'm too young to be undergoing fertility treatments. I cried and told him I wasn't trying to be selfish, and I know that's a major surgery to get a reversal, not to mention expensive, but it would just mean so much to me to do it naturally. He told me he understood, and will do it! I felt so much better! As we were driving to pick up the kids from their Wednesday church groups he said, "Well, pretty soon after the wedding we will have to get that taken care of so we can start trying!" I was sooo happy. :) I love my man.

something I haven't talked about yet...

So far in this blog I have done a lot (by my standards). I started something that I actually intend on keeping up, and have done so. I've talked about the step kids and also my work (more kids). I've mentioned my fiance more than once, and shared a bit about myself as a person. There is one more thing I haven't really shared, that I need some advice on.

How does one go from being a childless weekend stepmom to having your own kids as well?

My biggest fear in life is not being able to have kids. Uterine tumors run in my family, and I've already had to have cryosurgery on my cervix to get rid of a precancerous growth. (I was 18 at the time) To add to my fears, C had a vasectomy about 3 years ago. So any children we have will be done in a cold laboratory in a petri dish. (See above pictures.) I have such a loathing for this procedure. It seems cold, unnatural, and damnit I don't want quintuplets. I never thought two little pictures like these could excite such extreme emotions. I look at the first and I feel sick. I hate needles. Cold. Wrong. The second makes me coo with longing. How sad. I never thought one of my fears would germinate (haha. no pun intended) out of a picture of egg and sperm. I want to wake up one morning and go throw up in a trash can. I want to wonder if my period's going to start. I want to take that stupid little test and jump up and down and run find my husband and tell him. I don't want to sit in a cold chair, being stabbed by 6 inch needles. I don't want to be told we have 5 living organisms in my tummy and now we have to choose which eggs to keep. I don't want to pay 10,000 dollars. I want the suprise. The knowledge that him and I made a baby together... through physical expression of our love, not in a petri dish. I am heart broken I don't get that. And to add to the 'fun-of-it-all' I have to accept this is nothing new for him. Yeah, whatever, already got 3, what's one more. But to me? It's my life. I hate HATE haaate his ex-wife today, purely because she got what I want so badly 3 times. The third one was a drunken/after seperation accident! I want an accident. Today for some reason is just a really bad day. I know I have to see her later, and it's not her fault but I can't help but feel this utter contempt for her breathing at this moment. *head in hands* Someone tell me how to shut off my biological clock...or where I can pick up 10 thou...thanks...

That adorable picture I promised.

Drawn by my loving 7 year old future bonus daughter :) I asked, what's this heart with the maze? And she said it was the maze of her heart and when I got to the 'finish X' I got a big hug and kiss. It doesn't get cuter.

Just. Stop. The. Screaming. Please.

For the love of God. Stop.

Leiven finalllly fell asleep. This is the moment Conan (whose mom spoils him rotten) decides WE MUST go upstairs where the baby is sleeping. This house echo's so much there is no way we wouldn't wake Leiven if we did that, so I block the stairs and tell him no, we can't do that but we can go outside/watch backyardagins/play with toys/eat crackers...ANYTHING. But no, he keeps grabbing my hand and dragging me back to the stairs, time and again, only to start screaming at the bottom of the stairs when I say no. Since I started writing this he's been standing next to me screaming. *sigh* He always gets his way if he crys long enough and I'm tired of it. He knows if he stands here screaming I (normally) would give in and let him have whatever he wants but noooo I'm not going to do that today. we are NOT waking the baby. Any ideas anyone? I mean, aside from Nyquil. lol JK JK!

~~~Continued~~~

I wound up violating all laws and giving Conan his blankie and binky. Hey, it stopped the screaming. :)

Mostly Work

So it's Wednesday again, which means I have the 2 babies today...Leiven and Conan. It's so funny because the 9 month old beats up the older baby! He just grabs pacifiers out of Conan's mouth, lol good times.

Well, I quit the Tues. Thurs. job, so no more Aidyn and Grant. I feel badly because my job is such an emotional one, it's hard to put those emotions aside and focus on treating it for what it is, my job. C put it really well. He said, "K, look at like this. If you worked for a company and every day you got there and your computer was broken, they wouldn't fix it, no one around you had done their job and to top it off your paycheck was late/nonexistent, would you stick around?" No, of course not, no one would. But that was exactly the position I was in. C was great and role-played my phone conversation with the Crazy Mom and I was able to do it with out sounding like a blubbering idiot. I was quite proud.

I start my new job tomorrow, and I couldn't be more excited!

We had the kids last weekend...it was a pretty uneventful couple of days. I had to work Friday so I didn't see them at all. Saturday consisted of (A LOT) of whining. I don't know what the issue was but we went out to La Jolla to the tide pools and the hour before we left consisted mostly of tears from 7K, yelling from 9K and fussing from 4K. I told C maybe we just shouldn't GO because they were being so whiny. We went anyways and all three fell asleep on the way out there, and on the way home. I don't think they sleep well when they are with us...I dunno..or maybe they just aren't getting enough during the week. Sunday we went to a new church, CBC, community bible church. The pastor is so energetic and passionate and funny. He is an ex-con, the youngest entrepreneur to ever take a company public, a scam company but nevertheless...very interesting guy. We are excited to continue going there.

Alright, back to tiny cubes of chicken and the backyardagins :) Hope every one's having a great week!

Crazy Time!

Phew! I know it's been a while since I had TWOOOO seconds to sit down and write something on here. So much to say!

First off: 4K had a great birthday! C and I went on a hunt for the perfect pinata and found one at a mexican party store for 9.99 that I could have easily smuggled myself across the border inside. (I *think* that might just be the way they are doin it now! haha JK) Thank god for living in California. Cheap pinatas, cheap fantastic mexican food...yum. Anyways! We did a Princess birthday (mostly Cinderella. Evil step mom. Go figure) and she loved it. It was a blast.

I wrote my first child support check. It made me really reallllly unhappy. But I did it, and I pictured the chillins eating good food for once. HAHAHA yeah right!

I applied for a job (and interviewed) working with a dance company for kids as a teacher. It's totally me! I'm way exicted.

I am quitting my Tues. Thurs. nanny job ASAP. Perhaps it's because I find her attitude about paying me to be, ooh, lackadaisical at best, or maybe it's because her house is filthy and I don't get thanked for cleaning it, or if I read a book while the kids play I get told that "she sees a lot of slack" and that the kids "honestly" tell her what they do everyday...(riiiight) and there are never any toys out when she gets home...(uh huuuh) So this is how their conversation goes I'm sure, "So my precious daughter and son --that I treat like crap and that don't respect me enough to spit on the ground I walk on--what did you do today with Miss K?" "nothing." "Oh nothing at all??--not that I should care because when I'm home I just scream and tell you to go watch Pearl Harbor movies--"well, Miss K read a book" says Aidyn. 'OOOH REALLY' says Crazy Mom, and next thing you know I'm getting reamed.

When, if she EVER asked ME, I would say, "Well we set up a play date with another three year old down the street. he came over and we all sat at the table playing playdoh and race cars in which I made about 200 "roads" out of play doh again and again. Then we had a snack, and cleaned up the play doh. We got our shoes and socks on, put together a whole bunch of sand toys and walked to the park. I helped each child across the monkey bars so many times people would have thought my shirt was supposed to be covered in shoe prints. We had another snack and some Gatorade, built a castle in the sand, chased bugs and...OMG Miss K read a book! while they played a game they made up, a game that didn't include me. Why was she so keen on remembering the book? Maybe because I told her I really liked it. That reading is important. That we can read a book when we get back. Who knows? Back at the house I again was asked to make 'roads' again and again and again for the hot wheels to be smashed into. Little friend goes home, brother comes home from Kindergarten with neighbor and I give Aidyn lunch, and next thing you show up. (This was just an 8-1 day!) You know why asking me would be a better choice? Maaaybe it's because I have a longer attention span and larger memory capacity than a three year old. JUST maybe.

That's like saying, there are no dishes in the sink...did the kids eat?! Yes, but -lo and behold- I am one of those thoughtful people on this planet. I clean UP after the children I watch. Sooo needless to say, Tuesday I didn't clean a damned thing. Nothing. Nada. The house looked exactly like it did when I got there. Trashed. And I left it that way. Then, I once again didn't get paid. Foul, evil, woman. A quick note to all the moms out there...KEEP YOUR NANNY/BABYSITTER HAPPY! The people that are prompt, (if you say you will be home by 10, don't call at 10:15 and say you'll be there in an hour, we have lives too.) pay well, (an extra 5 bucks here and there) and take the time to be nice, receive the best childcare. No one means to take it out on the kids when the parents suck, but it happens sometimes. I know there are Tues and Thurs where I just pop in a movie because, I'm -so- not getting paid enough to do everything that needs to be done around there.

Enough griping. Once I figure out how to use the scanner I have the cutest drawing 7K did for me last week. Yep. It says "I love you new step mom" :D

Yes, I know, I rule.

The Weekend

This past weekend was our weekend, but on Friday C and I got in an argument, so I didn't see the kids at all on Saturday...which I felt kinda guilty but kind of good about. I have a way younger sister, she is almost 9 and I feel constant guilt about not spending enough time with her. So like any person who feels guilty about time with a kid, I spoil her rotten. So instead of spending my weekend with my future step kids every other week like I usually do, I spent it with her. I went to watch her cheer with Pop Warner, then went with my mom shopping and got a pedi, then that evening I took Princess to see The Nanny Diaries. It was relaxing. It was fun. I didn't have to act like a parent at all. I got to be the me I know better than this new K. The one who is 'stepping' into a role she doesn't quite have the full swing of yet. I got to mess around, buy and eat way too much candy and soda. Get Starbucks at almost 10 and then head home to eat yet more popcorn, throw bedtime out the window and watch Monster House till midnight. Laughing and breaking the rules. Then our parents got home, and they got to be the parents. They said "Bedtime, Princess. Make sure to brush your teeth. (5 minutes later) Princess we said now!" *sigh* it felt great to sit back and just be the sister. Revered, and stable in my position. My nuclear family is very concrete. Everyone knows their place. There's my dad. He is the hard working, all American dream guy. He has the beautiful wife, three beautiful kids and the house and toys to show for a powerful VP who hates his job. Book smart. Then there's my mom. Beautiful, I mean stunningly gorgeous. Stay at home mom. Backbone of our family. Doesn't have a clue how pretty she is. Shops at Loehmens but you would think she shopped at Saks or Neimens. Street smart. Then me, the eldest daughter, the first born. Headstrong, independent, leader, powerful, but too logical, emotionally cut off and a perfectionist. I never got caught doing most of the bad things I did when I was a teenager, went through a relatively short rebel stage but for the most part, did what I pleased and was allowed to do so because I was, "responsible." Book smart. Next is my brother, Athletic. He is kind and loving. The kind of kid who grows up wanting a family instead of a crazy job. Struggles with school. He is almost 18 but for some reason isn't allowed to do much of anything. And he's a good kid. Barely ever drinks or smokes out, captain of his football team, tries (somewhat) hard in school. Has good friends and a fantastic girlfriend. ( I soooo hope they get married) He kinda takes the brunt of everything. For one reason or another, it's usually his fault. He gets called, "the boy" a lot. Street smart. And last but certainly not least is my sister, the Princess. She is the absolute baby. She is the child I love dearly but could never handle being my own. She is a follower, the meek and mildest little mouse. As my sister I can stand back and appreciate all the finer aspects and makings of this type of personality. I can also see how she became that way. (I mean 4 other way older leaders in the house what option did she have really!) It's beautiful how graciously she bows to others wants and needs forsaking her own. She's humble even though we all spoil her rotten. She thinks before she speaks so as to never say anything hurtful. She hates fighting and confrontation. She would rather be bullied than say anything mean back. (The closest I ever got to beating the tar out of a 6 year old.) As my own child I would push her, I know. I would say, stand up for yourself! Hit back! It's an eye for an eye! But as my sister I can comfort her and love her and nurture this sweet side I don't have in myself. (And beat the tar out of anyone teasing her) She is my mini-me in looks, but in personality she is my opposite.

I know this is random but I believe when you move from one station in life, (college student, living a home, sibling, independent) to another, (working full time, living with someone, step mom to 3, less independence) you really need to sit back and sift through your past. Sift through who you are as a person and see how you can apply current knowledge to future experiences. So that's what I'm doing. I'm looking at my nuclear family's stability and positions and seeing how I can build the same stability in my new family. Even though it is a completely different set of people, I can find similarities that will help me, like corner stones. It's odd to shift into a different position in a family. One day I'm a future wife/step mom and next I'm just a big sister...

9K and school

There is a lot going on right now between wedding planning/finances, but it's little things like what happened today that make me step back and realize how lucky I am. (Even if we're flat broke dealing with a repossessed car)



The ex called C today, and asked if I would be interested in attending the parent-teacher conference with her. Me. Not him. Me. 9K has a really hard time with school, and C doesn't help because he hates school and quit high school half way thru his sophomore year. He supports my ambitions to be a teacher saying if he had a teacher like me he probably would have done better. ;) I wish he would support his son in school a little more, helping him with homework etc. but he gets SO frustrated that he usually just avoids it. The ex works full time, and I guess just kinda crashes on the couch with a bottle of wine when she gets home and she doesn't do much either. So today I found out that if he doesn't improve drastically this year he is going to be held back and have to repeat 4th grade.

I think that is amazing that she wants me to go. She knows how enthusiastic I am about early education and I would LOOOOOVE to help 9K do better.

She earned some high marking points on this one. Or maybe she just wants to get me alone and poison me or something. lol. I could take her in a fight. It wouldn't even be fair. haha, just getting prepared!

But yeah, it's little things like that...her showing a thoughtfulness I didn't expect, it's one more step to successful co-parenting on this rough and tumble path. It makes me realize that in the big picture, we are doing alright. Our little family is stumbling, but at least we're stumbling forward. Now if we could just win the Lotto....

Tonight C and I went for drinks with friends of mine, and an acquaintance was there, and so we chatted and I asked how work was going, and she tells me that she's not working. I knew she worked for her family's business and so I asked what happened, and she tells me they are shut down! This company was about a 15 million dollar company and was doing very well, and she goes on to tell me that her father hired old old family friends, 2 guys, and they embezzled 3.5 million dollars in liquid assets. (cash) Her family lost everything. Her collage fund, their house, their cars, the business. Everything. They had to file bankruptcy and if any one's seen the laws that are in effect now for that, you know it's sooo much trickier than it used to be. No more chapter 13. 7 is now really 6. Creditors can trash your credit and come after you for everything you've got. Terrible. I couldn't imagine running a successful business one day, to barely being able to pay rent in a different place...to having nothing.

After C and I left, we looked at each other and I said, "wow honey that really puts our little problem in perspective." We got one of our cars repo'ed because of a bank error and C just started a new job and he can't miss work. Since he has to go job site to job site, I can't just drop him off. His dad (praise God) has lent C his car for last week and this week. I wish my parents were supportive...we have 5 cars between 3 of us that drive. 2 extras that just sit in the circle drive. They would never let that happen though. That's aiding and abetting to them. They are good people, and I love them dearly, but like every parent they never want to see me struggle or be with someone they deem 'less than me' (in other words, from the wrong side of the tracks) More on that later. But anyways, her problems put ours totally in perspective and we both agreed that although it is stressful, we can work it out. Wachovia bank is a BITCH. Just in case you ever thought of dealing with them...don't. They misallocated a 5 thou payment, marking it as a down instead of pre-monthly payments. No phone calls. No letters. Just Mr. Repo-man. *sigh*

On a side note, The baby was sneezing in my face all day, (I swear he waited until I was holding him facing me to sneeze) and now my throat is scratchy and my head is stuffy and I have a bad runny nose. Yippee. I might spend tomorrow working on my book, (did I mention I'm writing a book?) because most people don't want a sick lady taking care of their kids. And it's not exactly like I get sick pay. No show=No money. Oh well, I'll see how I feel in the morning. As for now, I'm eating a big bowl of chicken soup and going to bed.

Work

This past weekend felt really empty. C and I were sitting in the pool yesterday, and I looked at him and said, "You know, it feels really weird this weekend. Like we should have the kids right now." and he laughed and said, "Yeah, I know exactly what you mean"

I believe I've mentioned that I'm a nanny, but I don't think I've ever really talked about the kids I spend most of my days with. First, I have 2 brothers. 3 and 9 months. I have them 3 days a week. I'll call the 9 month old Lieven, (meaning: Loving friend) because he is just THE sweetest baby lovey munchins. :) The 3 year old I'll call Baldavin (meaning: Bold friend) He is the turkey that if you let out of your sight for-just-one-second he is gone. Off on an adventure all his own. He goes to preschool in the mornings while Lieven and I just relax and play. I enjoy these kids a lot.

The other 2 days of the week are spent with Grant (meaning: Great, Tall) and Aidyn (meaning: Little fire) Grant is 5, he is in kindergarten and is huge. Aidyn is 3, in the same preschool as Baldavin but I watch her on non preschool days. She is a spit fire. I wish we could wait until we know a kids personality to name them. Then the name you give them would really fit well.

There is one other family I watch midweek combined with Lieven and Baldavin.
Lalage (prnounced lah-LAH-yeh meaning: talkative, chatterbox) is 3, and in the same preschool as both Aidyn and Baldavin. Her little brother, Conan (meaning: little wolf hound) is 18 months.

Alright I know that was a lot. Imagine my poor brain, 6 kids plus my 3 step kids, PLUS random ones I watch here and there. lol It's a good thing I like kids huh!

I'm in school to become a teacher, mostly kindergarten/first grade I think. I never would become a teacher if these rules were still in effect!!!


Rules for Teachers in 1915 in the US
1. You will not marry during the term of your contract.
2. You are not to keep company with men.
3. You must be home between the hours of 8 p.m. and 6 a.m. unless attending a school function.
4. You may not loiter downtown in ice cream stores.
5. You may not travel beyond city limits unless you have the permission of the chairman of the board.
6. You may not ride in a carriage or automobile with any man unless he is your father or brother.
7. You may not smoke cigarettes.
8. You may not dress in bright colors.
9. You may under no circumstances dye your hair.
10. You must wear at least two petticoats.
11. Your dresses must not be any shorter than two inches above the ankle.
12. To keep the school room neat and clean, you must:
* sweep the floor at least once daily
* scrub the floor at least once a week with hot, soapy water
* clean the blackboards at least once a day
* start the fire at 7 a.m. so the room will be warm by 8 a.m.


BOOOOORRRING! haha what a crappy profession back in the day. Anyways, I hope everyone has a great week!!

Being Included Feels Great

So, like I've said previously, I went to back to school night for the boy 2 weeks ago, so last night was back to school night for the *ahem* 7 year old. Yes. I have been calling her 6. But it's not my fault! Her dad said she was 6! From now on out, she will be 7K...lol. 2nd grade was way cute. We walked in, met the teacher whom I believe probably got her credentials when dinosaurs roamed the earth, and proceeded to admire all her 2nd grade art. All her little drawings and stories were cute. We got there before the ex, and she had this one that had 3 pictures, one of her swimming with someone, one of her camping and one of her just standing with 2 other figures under a rainbow. her story to go along with it was "I like going swimming with my mom" (What?! We both said, when the hell does she swim with her?! Later even ex said, I dunno, I really don't ever.) then "I like to camp with my dad and little sister" (Hmmmmpf, fine don't include me or Kyle) and "My family loves me because I get dressed" (huuuh?? none of us got this one.) So the ex gets there and we point out all the art/wall postings we've seen then sit. The ex sits in her seat, luckily there was an empty desk next to it which my fiance squeezed under and I sat in a chair next to him. I sighed, getting ready to endure more weird looks being the youngest there, and feeling bad because I want to volunteer and stuff like that but I just don't know what the etiquette is on that. Well anyways, the ex pulls out a notebook under all the pages where 7K had written a letter. and OMG OMG OMG GUESS WHAT IT SAID!?!! *clearing throat* verbatim. "Dear Mom and Dad and StepMom" I almost stood up and did a dance. This is my first reference from one of them as Stepmom. And in school no doubt! Where other people saw it! I'm not a secret! I thought maybe she would have written my name, but no, I got the pedestal of a pronoun. *yeeeesss!* I almost screamed HA! I DOOOO belong to this family! I. Am. Loved. I sat there with this huge huge huuuuge grin for the whole hour on cloud 9. C squeezed my arm and smiled a lot, knowing how good it made me feel to be included. All warm and fuzzy inside. :) I wanted to rip the page out and keep it. Hehe.

I found my place in this world. And it's right here with my family. I belong. I can't say how good that makes me feel, there are just no words to describe it.

Thank you everyone that has left comments, it's great to feel like people hear me and I'm not alone. I really really appreciate it!!!

Wedding Blues

So I was using this free wedding planner site to organize myself and I went to check it today to revisit my planner/guestlist/budget and...it seems as if its fallen off the face of the internet. :( Can anyone recommend a new one? Or a good wedding planner book?

Thanks!
-K

Weird terminology

Not much going on since the kids are back with their mom till tomorrow night...just thought of something funny C said this weekend. He asked if 6K and I changed together in the same room, and if she saw me naked. I thought it was a weird question since it wasn't the first time we've changed in the same room, I mean I'm modest, I turn my back and she turns hers, kinda like being in a locker room...but C asks "did she see your ya-ya?" I started laughing hysterically. Did you just say...ya-ya? and I said no, I already had my jeans almost pulled up when she walked in. Why? and he goes, oh you know she is getting so damned observant I'm sure she would run home and ask mommy why she has so much hair there and K doesn't? Then questions about me waving my 'ya-ya' around would come about and blah-de-freakin-blah. I repeat it was an odd question. I just raised my eyebrows and said ew. you just made me think about your ex wife's 'ya-ya'

haha anyways I just find the terminology 'ya-ya' to be hilarious. I've never heard him say that word before, and the 3 year old calls everything under her armpits her butt. no amount of correcting will stop it. I was leaning on the counter to get closer to the mirror to put on make-up and I was leaning on her toothbrush, and she goes "K. Your BUTT is on my toothbrush" lol it was cute.

I love to see 'em come, and I love to watch them go

So for whatever reason, this weekend was kinda hard. We spent friday night, saturday AND all day sunday at the pool. I am amazed my hair is not bright green. I have really long light light blonde hair and (disgusting I know) I have yet to wash it since saturday morning. In my defense I was dragged into the pool time and time again so washing it would have been a waste of time anyways.

Cutest thing this weekend: Little known to me, C has been feeling really bad about what happened before back to school night, (he made the cardinal mistake of asking ME to babysit so him and his ex wife could go) I was so hurt, and I just said, No I'm sorry I can't do that. I'm not their babysitter. I do want to be involved in their lives and if you don't wish for me to go, that's fine, I'll stay home. But I'm not going to babysit on top of it. He apologized and told me that he didn't think I would want to go, (guys are stupid sometimes) but he was stoked that I wanted to and would love to have me come. His mom got so mad when he told her what he had asked me. Ha ha, I guess she reamed him about how rude and disrespectful that was to me. (I'm starting to like this woman) So anyways, yesterday we were being the rebels we are, went down the Welk Resort, snuck the kids and ourselves into their miniature water park and spent the afternoon there. So onto the cutest thing (I know, I dally) 9k asked for C to go down the water slide and he said no, I have to stay here with 3k and 6k. So 9k said, but K can watch the girls! and C (thinking he's putting me in the babysitter position again) says, no, that's not her job, she's not their mom. and 9k says, BUT SHE'S GONNA BE! (cuteeee!!) *sigh* precious. I laughed and later C said, well you know 9k is right, you ARE kinda going to be! Yep. I am.

Later I told C that I don't mind watching the kids in the pool/whenever, it's just when it entails letting you go so your ex can play house with you that I get upset. Not to mention, telling the kids that "that's not my job" may give them the idea that I don't care to watch after them and might just let them drown or something. He then tells me how guilty he's felt since the Back to school incident and doesn't want to put me in that position again. Sweet sweet man. After we get married, I will put up a wonderful photo of all of us. I want to get pictures taken, you know those classy WASP-y one's where everyone's wearing linens and we all look as if we just got back from a wonderful day at the beach. tan and smiling. Obviously anyone that believes that's how you come home from the beach with kids has NEVER been. The whole day it's 'there's sand in my food' 'he threw sand in my eyes!' 'there's sand in my swimmy!' (swimmy=bathing suit or strap on flotation device) The whole day revolves around sand. The drive home is miserable because everyone's tired and sandy, you finally GET home or if you're lucky just drop them off at the ex's (muah-haha) and bath time is a terror because (omg how do they manage to get sand IN EVERY ORIFICE) and then you try and get them to lie down in bed but they are so exhausted they just start making this high pitched, squeaky toy/dying giraffe noise which means 'I want to be downstairs with you.' but you send them back to bed...oor let them lay on the floor downstairs. watching spongebob. (brain-rotting garbage) *ahem* not to say that ever happens at my house. never. ;)

So the ex came to pick them up at 4:30 yesterday...it's the first time I've ever seen her come pick them up. We always do all the picking up/dropping off. I guess she has some indescribable fear of driving...? I think it's more like laziness, but hey...that's just me. I let out a big sigh after they left, and turned to C, who looked back at me so sweetly, and promptly stated, "let's go get drunk!" so we did. and I asked him, now what are you going to do in a few years when WE have kids? He'll be going, when are they getting picked up! and I'll be reminding him they stay with us because they're ours. He then came up with the genius idea of putting them in the ex's car when she picks up HER kids. haha...I can just imagine the phone call. "UMMM...you're kids were in the back row of my car. Again."

~Escaping-ly,
K