The Weekend

This past weekend was our weekend, but on Friday C and I got in an argument, so I didn't see the kids at all on Saturday...which I felt kinda guilty but kind of good about. I have a way younger sister, she is almost 9 and I feel constant guilt about not spending enough time with her. So like any person who feels guilty about time with a kid, I spoil her rotten. So instead of spending my weekend with my future step kids every other week like I usually do, I spent it with her. I went to watch her cheer with Pop Warner, then went with my mom shopping and got a pedi, then that evening I took Princess to see The Nanny Diaries. It was relaxing. It was fun. I didn't have to act like a parent at all. I got to be the me I know better than this new K. The one who is 'stepping' into a role she doesn't quite have the full swing of yet. I got to mess around, buy and eat way too much candy and soda. Get Starbucks at almost 10 and then head home to eat yet more popcorn, throw bedtime out the window and watch Monster House till midnight. Laughing and breaking the rules. Then our parents got home, and they got to be the parents. They said "Bedtime, Princess. Make sure to brush your teeth. (5 minutes later) Princess we said now!" *sigh* it felt great to sit back and just be the sister. Revered, and stable in my position. My nuclear family is very concrete. Everyone knows their place. There's my dad. He is the hard working, all American dream guy. He has the beautiful wife, three beautiful kids and the house and toys to show for a powerful VP who hates his job. Book smart. Then there's my mom. Beautiful, I mean stunningly gorgeous. Stay at home mom. Backbone of our family. Doesn't have a clue how pretty she is. Shops at Loehmens but you would think she shopped at Saks or Neimens. Street smart. Then me, the eldest daughter, the first born. Headstrong, independent, leader, powerful, but too logical, emotionally cut off and a perfectionist. I never got caught doing most of the bad things I did when I was a teenager, went through a relatively short rebel stage but for the most part, did what I pleased and was allowed to do so because I was, "responsible." Book smart. Next is my brother, Athletic. He is kind and loving. The kind of kid who grows up wanting a family instead of a crazy job. Struggles with school. He is almost 18 but for some reason isn't allowed to do much of anything. And he's a good kid. Barely ever drinks or smokes out, captain of his football team, tries (somewhat) hard in school. Has good friends and a fantastic girlfriend. ( I soooo hope they get married) He kinda takes the brunt of everything. For one reason or another, it's usually his fault. He gets called, "the boy" a lot. Street smart. And last but certainly not least is my sister, the Princess. She is the absolute baby. She is the child I love dearly but could never handle being my own. She is a follower, the meek and mildest little mouse. As my sister I can stand back and appreciate all the finer aspects and makings of this type of personality. I can also see how she became that way. (I mean 4 other way older leaders in the house what option did she have really!) It's beautiful how graciously she bows to others wants and needs forsaking her own. She's humble even though we all spoil her rotten. She thinks before she speaks so as to never say anything hurtful. She hates fighting and confrontation. She would rather be bullied than say anything mean back. (The closest I ever got to beating the tar out of a 6 year old.) As my own child I would push her, I know. I would say, stand up for yourself! Hit back! It's an eye for an eye! But as my sister I can comfort her and love her and nurture this sweet side I don't have in myself. (And beat the tar out of anyone teasing her) She is my mini-me in looks, but in personality she is my opposite.

I know this is random but I believe when you move from one station in life, (college student, living a home, sibling, independent) to another, (working full time, living with someone, step mom to 3, less independence) you really need to sit back and sift through your past. Sift through who you are as a person and see how you can apply current knowledge to future experiences. So that's what I'm doing. I'm looking at my nuclear family's stability and positions and seeing how I can build the same stability in my new family. Even though it is a completely different set of people, I can find similarities that will help me, like corner stones. It's odd to shift into a different position in a family. One day I'm a future wife/step mom and next I'm just a big sister...