So the meeting with the psychologist lady (henceforth known as Miss PL) went really well. She explained how 10K's brain is working and to make a long story short, we are going to try meds. We really just don't know what else to do for him, because we have tried EVERYTHING.
We are meeting with her again on the 30th with 10K, so that should be interesting.
How do you guys deal when all you do is fight with your husband over his kids? C thinks I'm being so harsh because I'm nervous about taking 10K on a trip to my grandparents house in the mountains. I guess I just come from a more traditional family where you didn't so much as roll your eyes when your grandparents were around unless you wanted to spend the rest of the day in your room. I'm terrified 10K is going to be rude to C and I in front of them, and I just couldn't stand the embarrassment. Is that so wrong for me to think that? Apparently in my house it is. 10K is ALL we ever talk about anymore. We never just talk about us, about what's going on in our heads. We don't disagree on much, but when it comes to 10K we butt heads sometimes something fierce. How do you handle this? I'm at my wits end with both of them and all I want is some damned peace and quiet!!!!
Bah-humbug-
K
4 comments:
This probably won't be the answer that you are looking for, but maybe you will be able to take something from it.
My husband and I fought constantly for close to the first two years of our marriage over my SD (he has custody). I was home every morning dealing with both kids (SD and my son) and every morning was an outright war. It was like that any time he wasn't around, and when he was, she'd act like a little angel. It was miserable all around, and I won't get too far into details. He ended up injured and out of work for four months, and once the painkiller haze wore off, I handed it to him straight.
I was not going to continue to deal with her as I had every morning since I moved in while she continued to take advantage of and manipulate him. I stopped worrying about getting her ready for school, I stopped dealing with the daily arguments about showers, I stopped dealing with the homework problems.
I turned all of that time I was spending on the negative attention and used it to pay extra positive attention to my son, and my husband was left to deal with her. Alone. As I mainly had for the majority of the marriage.
She tried to keep up the angelic facade with him, pulling behaviors with him that she knew not to pull with me. I would let it go, and then bring it up with him. It took a couple of weeks but before long he began to see what was really going on and stopped allowing her to manipulate him.
That injury is the best thing that has happened to our marriage, honestly. It gave him the time to separate himself from the stress he was under at work and focus on the true source of the stress at home.
I don't know if you have the same issue at home. It took me a long time to realize that it's ultimately not my job to do carry all of the worry and try to fix everything and all I was doing was making myself feel worse about an already terrible situation.
Sorry for the novella LOL
I do know that the right medication can have fantastic positive results for many children, but I have also seen it contribute to the problems some children have. Embark on this with caution, keep a diary of moods, behaviours etc and if the meds work you should see a positive improvement within 2-4 weeks. Above all I would urge you both to remain consistent and have firm boundaries as the medication will not suddenly turn 10k into a good boy - it will simply make him more receptive to routine, disciplin and social boundaries.
As for family situations, I refused to take my two step-sons to my parents' house until they had learnt to eat using cutlery, were toilet trained (yes at 4 the eldest was still in nappies) and they stpooed jumping on furniture like it was a playground. I too would have been mortified for them to display this behaviour and total lack of respect in public. I think Mr M found this really hard and yes it was a huge point of conflict between us, but I stood firm and am so pleased I did.
I wish you well.
Therapy. :)
My Hubby and I have been to lots of it, and I went myself with Shaggy, who was the 10K of our household. Once he and I began to forge a different relationship in therapy, and once My Hubby and I were on stronger ground, things got much better.
Today, Shaggy is a different kid from the one I knew two years ago. And though My Hubby and I still disagree sometimes, we're a much stronger, united front where the kids are concerned.
Wishing you guys the best of luck. We've wanted to get our oldest into see someone but have had no cooperation from BioMom. I know it would do him SO much good though.
Post a Comment