Penguins

I went out last night with a friend of mine, and we were driving past sea world. I commented on how much I love sea world and how I can spend all day in the penguin enclosure and he said, Ew, penguins smell. I literally almost started bawling. One of my best memories of C and I is sitting in the penguin enclosure with me gushing over every damn penguin in there. It is one of the few fully happy memories that didn't end with a fight. I have so many half memories. Where we had a wonderful time then as soon as we got home the world exploded. I always felt sad thinking of those memories. I got through the moment though, and went on to have a lovely evening. :) I feel that I will always have pangs of memories, and most won't send me to tears, and all will fade with time, getting less and less painful. I am moving forward very successfully though! I am getting a car next week, a huge hurdle for me. One of C's greatest control techniques was making sure I never had my own car since right before we were married. There was always some excuse or reason why I didn't need one, but I see that now it was a mean of making me helpless, dependent. I also have put my resume out to find a full time job, AND I found my own place. These might seem minor to someone, but to me, it's something I almost believe I would never be able to do. :)