OOOh. If there is one thing I hate, I hate when kids old enough to know the difference between truth and lies, lie to me. This past weekend we were told by the Ex that 9K had a writing assignment that he had not done in school that HAD to be completed. 9K told us that he had to do it Friday in ISS (in school suspension) because it was due sometime during the week, yet not completed. There was no red writing folder in his backpack, so we trusted him. He swore up and down it was done, and at school. I e-mailed his teacher letting him know what the little manipulative turkey had said, and I hoped so badly to hear back that he was being honest. Nope. This the e-mail I received back from her.
-----------
Hi K,
It's nice to see how many of you are pulling for him!--(What? All 2 of us?)-- As you know, 9K can be very manipulative. He knew he had to bring that home and that I had contacted his mom to have him finish the assignment. This is not the first time that he "doesn't have the materials" or "finished it at school."
I agree that patient, one-on-one help is essential for him. In a school setting we are not afforded the time we need to do this to the extent that 9K needs it, so it is imperative that he have home support. I have met with his mom and know that unfortunately this isn't possible daily. Knowing you have him on Wed. is great. I can send home anything requiring extra attention for you then.
If you'd like to come in and meet I am available today and Thursday. With the break coming up it would be best to do it asap. Today we could do any time between 1 and 2, or Thursday between 8 and 2. I'd think 20-30 minutes should be enough.
Please let me know which works.
It's nice to see how many of you are pulling for him!--(What? All 2 of us?)-- As you know, 9K can be very manipulative. He knew he had to bring that home and that I had contacted his mom to have him finish the assignment. This is not the first time that he "doesn't have the materials" or "finished it at school."
I agree that patient, one-on-one help is essential for him. In a school setting we are not afforded the time we need to do this to the extent that 9K needs it, so it is imperative that he have home support. I have met with his mom and know that unfortunately this isn't possible daily. Knowing you have him on Wed. is great. I can send home anything requiring extra attention for you then.
If you'd like to come in and meet I am available today and Thursday. With the break coming up it would be best to do it asap. Today we could do any time between 1 and 2, or Thursday between 8 and 2. I'd think 20-30 minutes should be enough.
Please let me know which works.
-Teacher
---------------------
So I am meeting her on Thursday to discuss this. It irratates me that all the information about how he is doing goes to his mother and we don't hear anything until after the fact. I for one, want to ground him. Not because he didn't do the assignment, but because he lied straight to our faces for 4 days about it. I want to ground him until all his grades improve. I want to ground him until he goes a month without a single report from the teacher about not completing his homework. I want to ground him till he's 30. When I lied as a competent child that's what happened to me. All privileges revoked, no friends, no TV, and a serious talk about trust that made me wish my parents would just yell and be mad. Disappointment is far worse than anger. This kid is not going to pass 4th grade at this point. At his school they have the 'character pillars', which promotes the motto, "Character Counts"
When they violate one of the 6 pillars, they get sent home with a 'character card' to sign stating which pillar was violated, what happened and a statement from the child on how to change his or her actions to not let it happen again. We just found out he gets these daily. He usually gets more than ONE daily. A packet was shoved way down in his back pack that was SO full of these I was astonished. The Ex never breathed a word of this! This seriously sets off red flags for me as an aspiring teacher. How do we move past this? Here are the 6 pillars of character. What a fantastic thing to teach in schools, I think.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Trustworthiness
One of the Six Pillars of Character is Trustworthiness. Here are some of the trustworthy behaviors we will be focusing on at school.
-Be honest
-Stand up for what you believe in.
-Keep your word.
-Return what you borrow.
-Keep promises.
-Be your best.
You can be watching for these positive behaviors in your child. When you see trustworthiness in action, show your appreciation through a compliment.
A great way to teach your child about this character trait is to discuss the trustworthiness of people in the news. This is a wonderful way to talk about current events as well as popular people’s images. What do the words and actions of movie stars, musicians, politicians, and other public figures say about their character? Are they trustworthy?
Respect
One of the Six Pillars of Character is Respect. Here are some of the ways Respect is shown:
-Courtesy
-Politeness
-Appreciation of individual differences
-Respecting others’ rights
At home, your whole family can work on being more polite and courteous to one another. Often people “forget their manners” around those with whom they are most familiar. When you raise the standards in this area, you’ll be pleased at the change.
You might also focus on the unique qualities of your family members. Each day during meal time, for example, you might all name a good trait for one person. For example, “Dad is a good storyteller. He makes me laugh. I like Dad’s pancakes.” By focusing on what each person does well, you are appreciating that person’s unique abilities. This idea can be carried outside the home, helping children to see that people who are different from you and your family have unique abilities to be admired and respected.
Have fun practicing Respect!
Responsibility
One of the Six Pillars of Character is Responsibility. We will be working on being reliable, setting a good example for others, and doing our best. A good way to reinforce responsibility at home is to give your child chores or tasks to do. The goal is to have children complete their work on their own, without reminders from you, and on time. When you assign responsibilities to family members, be sure the task is understood and a time frame for getting it done is clear. You might need to check on progress from time to time, especially if the job is a new one.
It is a great idea to plan with your child a regular schedule for him or her to use in completing homework and other school or extracurricular activities. Often students need a structure and a time frame in which to complete their responsibilities on their own.
Responsibility also can include having self-control, choosing to have a positive attitude, and being persistent.
Fairness
Fairness is one of the Six Pillars of Character. At school we will be talking about ways to promote Fairness, such as:
-Be open-minded.
-Listen to others.
-Try to understand what others are saying and feeling.
-Be careful making judgments about others.
-Be consistent.
-Treat people equally and equitably.
When you hear the age-old whine, “It’s not fair!” from your child, ask him or her what is unfair about the situation. In talking through these problems, you can teach a good lesson on what Fairness is.
Caring
One of the Six Pillars of Character is Caring. We will be showing that we care about one another at school through kindness, sharing, compassion, and helpfulness. We will be remembering to treat others as we would like to be treated.
You and your family can show kindness at home by giving each other anonymous ‘secret buddy’ notes, doing small chores as a surprise for others, and family members can ‘catch’ each other in the act of kindness.
Being charitable is another way of demonstrating Caring. Together as a family, you could select a group, a cause, or a needy individual to help. Putting other people’s needs in front of your own, is a good way to show that you care about them!
Citizenship
One of the Six Pillars of Character is citizenship. Here are some of the ways good citizenship is shown:
-Play by the rules.
-Obey laws, and respect authority.
-Do your share of the work.
-Be charitable, and help by volunteering your time.
-Be good neighbors.
-Protect the environment and conserve natural resources.
It would be wonderful if your family could discuss ways to be a good citizen. A way for your child to practice citizenship would be through following family rules, school rules, and game rules. Volunteering to help others and taking care of the environment are ways to show good citizenship. Perhaps you can recycle more, plant trees on special occasions, or participate in litter cleanup projects.
Have fun practicing good citizenship!
When they violate one of the 6 pillars, they get sent home with a 'character card' to sign stating which pillar was violated, what happened and a statement from the child on how to change his or her actions to not let it happen again. We just found out he gets these daily. He usually gets more than ONE daily. A packet was shoved way down in his back pack that was SO full of these I was astonished. The Ex never breathed a word of this! This seriously sets off red flags for me as an aspiring teacher. How do we move past this? Here are the 6 pillars of character. What a fantastic thing to teach in schools, I think.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Trustworthiness
One of the Six Pillars of Character is Trustworthiness. Here are some of the trustworthy behaviors we will be focusing on at school.
-Be honest
-Stand up for what you believe in.
-Keep your word.
-Return what you borrow.
-Keep promises.
-Be your best.
You can be watching for these positive behaviors in your child. When you see trustworthiness in action, show your appreciation through a compliment.
A great way to teach your child about this character trait is to discuss the trustworthiness of people in the news. This is a wonderful way to talk about current events as well as popular people’s images. What do the words and actions of movie stars, musicians, politicians, and other public figures say about their character? Are they trustworthy?
Respect
One of the Six Pillars of Character is Respect. Here are some of the ways Respect is shown:
-Courtesy
-Politeness
-Appreciation of individual differences
-Respecting others’ rights
At home, your whole family can work on being more polite and courteous to one another. Often people “forget their manners” around those with whom they are most familiar. When you raise the standards in this area, you’ll be pleased at the change.
You might also focus on the unique qualities of your family members. Each day during meal time, for example, you might all name a good trait for one person. For example, “Dad is a good storyteller. He makes me laugh. I like Dad’s pancakes.” By focusing on what each person does well, you are appreciating that person’s unique abilities. This idea can be carried outside the home, helping children to see that people who are different from you and your family have unique abilities to be admired and respected.
Have fun practicing Respect!
Responsibility
One of the Six Pillars of Character is Responsibility. We will be working on being reliable, setting a good example for others, and doing our best. A good way to reinforce responsibility at home is to give your child chores or tasks to do. The goal is to have children complete their work on their own, without reminders from you, and on time. When you assign responsibilities to family members, be sure the task is understood and a time frame for getting it done is clear. You might need to check on progress from time to time, especially if the job is a new one.
It is a great idea to plan with your child a regular schedule for him or her to use in completing homework and other school or extracurricular activities. Often students need a structure and a time frame in which to complete their responsibilities on their own.
Responsibility also can include having self-control, choosing to have a positive attitude, and being persistent.
Fairness
Fairness is one of the Six Pillars of Character. At school we will be talking about ways to promote Fairness, such as:
-Be open-minded.
-Listen to others.
-Try to understand what others are saying and feeling.
-Be careful making judgments about others.
-Be consistent.
-Treat people equally and equitably.
When you hear the age-old whine, “It’s not fair!” from your child, ask him or her what is unfair about the situation. In talking through these problems, you can teach a good lesson on what Fairness is.
Caring
One of the Six Pillars of Character is Caring. We will be showing that we care about one another at school through kindness, sharing, compassion, and helpfulness. We will be remembering to treat others as we would like to be treated.
You and your family can show kindness at home by giving each other anonymous ‘secret buddy’ notes, doing small chores as a surprise for others, and family members can ‘catch’ each other in the act of kindness.
Being charitable is another way of demonstrating Caring. Together as a family, you could select a group, a cause, or a needy individual to help. Putting other people’s needs in front of your own, is a good way to show that you care about them!
Citizenship
One of the Six Pillars of Character is citizenship. Here are some of the ways good citizenship is shown:
-Play by the rules.
-Obey laws, and respect authority.
-Do your share of the work.
-Be charitable, and help by volunteering your time.
-Be good neighbors.
-Protect the environment and conserve natural resources.
It would be wonderful if your family could discuss ways to be a good citizen. A way for your child to practice citizenship would be through following family rules, school rules, and game rules. Volunteering to help others and taking care of the environment are ways to show good citizenship. Perhaps you can recycle more, plant trees on special occasions, or participate in litter cleanup projects.
Have fun practicing good citizenship!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think I'm going to print these out and put them on the fridge and starting giving out my own character cards. Perhaps that would help him. Consistency is the key. If he gets it all week in school, plus at our house maybe that will help him. That is all he needs. Consistency! I wish so badly he had the support system he needs so desperately...I see now why C wants him to live with us and just visit his mom, instead of the way it is now. I want him to have the brightest future possible. He is such an amazing, loving, talented and smart kid I hate to see things in the mess they are now because of a wretched divorce. It's just not fair to the kids. Luckily it's only 9K. His sister, 7K, loves school and homework. Hope everyone else is having a good school year! Go out and build some character!
2 comments:
Oh. My. Gosh. I seriously think the ex in your scenario and The Egg Donor in ours were separated at birth. We have the same issues with school, complete with lying from the kiddos, refusal to participate or pass along information from the Egg Donor, and a whole bunch of things not getting done. Velma is right on the edge of failing 5th grade.
Wouldn't it be great if both of the parents in her life encouraged personal responsibility? Nope. ED sends the teacher nasty-grams and never helps with homework, doesn't buy supplies for projects that are due, etc. It's unbelievable to me.
I hope your meeting with the teacher goes well. Good for you for participating in that and showing 9K how it should be done. Keep us posted.
And I agree that he should be grounded. I'm SO on your page about in-your-face deceit. I can't stand it!
My stepdaughter has issues about lying as well. It drives me insane. Mostly because she lies about the stupidest stuff. Just like her mother. I think that is why it bothers me so much, because she sounds like her crazy BM.
We have tried every punishment imaginable, talking, grounding, taking toys away, canceling special trips...but when it isn't being enforced in the home she spends the majority of her time in, it has very little effect.
Good luck!
Post a Comment