Pray for Strength

So I started writing a new post last night, and my Internet decided to give out, and poof gone.

I didn't get to get into much detail in the my last post, seeing as how it was written 10 minutes before I had to leave for work Friday morning. Here is where I will fill in my staccato, stressed out rantings. :)

5K's class:
I spent the day making mental notes of her behavior. She was in the lowest group, with 3 boys. 2 of which had ADHD, and one with some form of serious behavioral issues. 5K doesn't listen to directions, she talks back to the teacher and refuses to sit still for any length of time. Example:
Teacher: 5K, please sit down.
5K: I have to go to the bathroom.
Teacher: Well, it's time to sit down now, I'll let you know when you can go.
5K: *with all the attitude she can muster including hands on her hips* I SAAID!! I have to go to the BAATHROOM!
Me: Sit-down-right-now-5k-or-else!

Her teacher was a nice person... but seemed kind of scatterbrained to me. There was no clear cut schedule, aside from recess and lunch. The kids seemed to be milling about a lot. I kept looking at my watch wondering when the lesson was to begin, as it had been an hour and all they had completed was chit chat over the weekend activities and share time. I would prefer her to be in a more structured environment, a half-day Kinder with a stricter sense of discipline.

As for 10K and the violence that occurred, I felt compelled to take action. I sent him to something they have at our local library to help him with his homework. I can't do it anymore. Everyone says keep fighting and I am. I just changed my goal. I am now fighting for a good relationship. I am fighting for not fighting. I am challenging him to learn to be independent, and being there every step of the way. I am ducking out of the power struggle without a loser sign tacked to my back, along with a target for him to aim for. I am asserting my love in a positive, and open way.

This is the email I sent to his teacher, letting her know what's been going on...

Mrs. FFGT (Fantasic Fifth Grade Teacher),
I've been meaning to contact you for about 3 weeks now, but I haven't made the time. I apologize for that. I spoke with Ms. RT (Resorce Teacher) last week concerning 10K lying to the principal. C and I are very concerned about 10K right now. We are not sure why, but he has been acting out more and more. Also, the letter he wrote to Ms. RT is still in his backpack. He has become very territorial of his backpack and yells if I even touch it, but I saw it there after he went to bed tonight. Anyway, the second I've made up my mind to come speak with you about his behavior, he has a good day, then two good days, then I let it slide, thinking maybe now we've hit the turning point and things are okay. That's my fault and I'm sorry.

For the past year I have been the sole person to work with teachers/schools/ principals/psychologists regarding 10K. I am the one who had homework duty, as painful as it was. I know you have a step-daughter so you understand the fragile relationship that exists between a step-parent and a step-child. Constantly fighting with him over homework and studying is destroying that bond. It is a never ending battle with him. We are locked in a power struggle, and I'm desperate to find a way for it to end. I took him to the program at the library, and that I think, will be a temporary solution until he tires of the novelty of being able to go to the library every day and refuses to go, or refuses to complete his work. Then, I won't know what to do.

I'm not sure if Ms. RT told you about our conversation, but this was it in a nut shell:
Last Monday 10K was told to complete his work in his room. Having to work independently has become a new angle for him to try and manipulate. The screaming, arguing and insults ensue every time I tell him he needs to use his math spiral, or look in a book. He fumed for about 40 minutes, and we told him he needed to stay in his room, with the door shut until he was done. C ran to the store, and 10K refused to let me shut the door, and when I didn't give in, he got physical with me. He was pushing, shoving, grabbing, yanking, screaming, and crying...it was a total melt down. I wound up picking him up under his arms, and setting him in the middle of the room where he sat screaming for 10 minutes after I had left his bedroom. As much as I want to help 10K, I think this situation has exceeded my ability and so we requested that 10K begin seeing the school counselor. Ms. RT understood, and I will be bringing the paperwork into her tomorrow morning. I don't trust sending it in 10K's backpack. I have found other notes that were meant to get to you, that were stapled to homework, buried in his backpack with my name I had signed at the bottom scratched out. I believe this has a lot to do with his sudden territorial behavior over his backpack.

I'm not sure how long 10K is going to have to do homework elsewhere, but I honestly think it's best for him, and also best for our relationship. I'm sorry his report was not turned in, 10K said that it was done and in your hands, and I made the mistake of telling him I was emailing you that night, ( I think this was last Wednesday) and I didn't follow through with what I said. I think he saw when I didn't run to the computer it was an idle threat (not something I usually ever do) and didn't breathe another word of his report. Since he didn't do his homework here, I was handed his white folder at 8 pm. I didn't even get to look at it until about 45 minutes ago. I say, put him in in-school and after school detention. We give you permission to do that until it's done. If that's not an option I can see about C trying to do it with him. Whatever you feel is best. I'm sorry to put all this on you, and I hope you understand I'm not giving up. I'm looking for the best solution to give us the brightest possible outcome. If there is anything more I can try, don't hesitate to tell me. I've run plum out of ideas, and would appreciate any insight. :)
Thank you,
K

I know I'll get a good response. This teacher is a GOD SEND. She is so nice, and supportive, and thoughtful. I don't think I had a minute to write about 10K's most recent lies. Apparently last week a kid threw his sweater in the mud. He went into his resorce class very upset, and Ms. RT told 10K that Mrs. FFGT would handle it, and not to worry. Well, this wasn't good enough for 10K, so after resource when he was supposed to go directly back to class, instead he chose to go to the principals office and tell her that Ms. RT sent him, to tell her, that she needed to look into it and speak with this other kid. 10K had to write a letter of apology to Ms. RT, but like I said in my e-mail, he never gave it to her.

Stress level: 1,000%
Ability to cope: about 0% right now
Strength to continue: Priceless

TBC...