So I just read a post from Izzy Rose's blog, stepmothers milk, and while I admire her and her poetic and beautiful view of stepmotherhood, sometimes I struggle to relate. She had posted a piece from another stepmom blog concerning not saying things on your blog that you wish later you could take back about the biomom, kids, whomever. It got me thinking, and thinking usually leads to guilty feelings, which this did of course. There are many things I have said on this blog, concerning the Ex, the kids and even my husband at times that would burn ones ears off. I'm glad that this certain blogger has gotten to a point in her relationship with the Ex that she doesn't have these thoughts, has outgrown them, or is just blessed with a sane human being as her husbands ex-wife. I envy her greatly. As for myself, I will contest that I am young, and therefore have a propensity to be a bit more rash than others who are more wizened than myself. From what I've read (meaning I might be wrong) it wouldn't appear to me that this woman has spent a day in court refuting blatant lies, like Stephanie. Or worries greatly over her step child's extreme lack of hygiene, discipline, studies among other things, at their mothers hands, like me. Also, from what I can see she only has one step child which, for those of you with multiples like myself, clearly see as an advantage. On a side note, what convinces a woman who is clearly unable to take care of one child, to continue having more? Anyway, that's for another day. Like I said, I envy this blogger's relationship badly, and wish I could have a more consistent one with the Ex. It's so on again off again with her. Either she's talking to me and calling me all the time to confide about her boyfriend, or she's calling me a B and telling me to stop meddling, then refusing to even be cordial for a month. So mainly I wanted to say, I'm sorry if I'm one of those ranting stepmoms who can't find anything better to write about than what a pain in the arse the bio mom is, but that's where I'm at right now. I need this. I need people to tell me I'm not crazy for having rules that aren't hers. I want people to say I'm going to be alright, and while things may never be in the same ballpark as normal, I'm still gonna make it. I love writing, and if it wasn't here, it would be in a journal that would never give me the advice, support and downright love that a public forum does. Luckily for me, the bio mom of my steps doesn't own a computer and checks her work e-mail spottingly. I seriously doubt she has even heard of blogger, much less manage to stumble across mine. And if that should ever pass, Fine. Let her read it. If she thinks me all the more of a controlling B, that's her opinion and if she just *might* get a glimpse of life this side of the craziness, perhaps she would snap out of it. I doubt it though. I feel badly sometimes for saying the things I do, but not badly enough to regret saying them. It didn't always used to be this way. Once upon of time we liked each other. Once upon of time I was close to wanting to have coffee or lunch with her. But we're in the Unhappily Ever After now, and that book is over. So for probably a while I will be writing about the endless grief she pours over my head and whatever else comes to mind. Even if she would never forgive what she could read here, God does, and Lord knows I need this. :) So, if what I write is mean, rude, and uncaring sometimes, yeah, it will be, know only that this is a path I'm walking on and maybe one day, the Ex and I will sit down for coffee.
That would be a good day.
5 comments:
I'm SO in your shoes right now too. I realize that somethings should maybe go unsaid. But I have to think of my sanity. And in thinking of myself i choose to unleash my feelings in a place that i have specifically set aside, rather then in sight of the children and any unknowing bystander (like the BioMom in my story) I think you're handeling your situation the same way many of us do.
I understand how you feel. Personally, it's your blog and I think you can write whatever you want. It's your space to vent. I always think it's better to vent here then blow up in her face, right? As long as your either private or public with no identifiers of the other person then I think its fine. You can't write your blog to please everyone else. You have to write it for yourself. *Hugs*
I get so angry at my husband's baby mama. She's not even an ex but just some girl he had sex with once and now there's a baby. She recently had DCF knocking on her door and they removed the child for two days. Baby mama calls me to say, "can you believe they'd take my daughter away for having moldy food in the fridge and can you believe they want the tub, the toilet, and the sink to work all in the same bathroom?!" Like these are some sort of asinine requirements and not basic living standards. She obviously doesn't realize DCF contacted my husband to tell him about his daughter's living conditions and they mentioned tapeworms on furniture and in his daughter's bed. The list is too terrible. I don't know how to be forgiving for something like that.
I agree with your other commenters. I think it's great for Izzy Rose that she had that relationship with the ex, although it's important to note that the ex in her situation lives in a completely different state and seems to not have a penchant for interfering with their every move. Many of us just don't have that, and never will.
I use my blog as a place not just to vent, but to get others' perpsectives and I NEED that. I have taken steps to protect it so that The Egg Donor and the kids won't stumble upon it, but if they happened to, I don't think I'd feel badly for anything I've said. It's true. And right now, truth is King in my world.
I think it's the same for you. :)
I read a great quote once, "Feelings are never wrong, it's what how we choose to act about our feelings that can be right or wrong.". Vent, vent and vent some more!-
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