Wednesday, October 29, 2008

5K and School cont. with a little bitterness thrown in for good measure

So when picking up the girls today, I went looking for 5K's teacher to clear up this mess. I found her heading out the door but she spared 10 minutes to speak with us. I was right about why she didn't answer any of my questions. Apparently 5K tested lowest in the class at the beginning of the year, knowing only 6 out of 46 sounds and names of letters. She has improved slightly but Mrs. TL (Teacher Lady) used the words "she needs a lifeline" and made it very clear she knew 5K was not getting the support she needs at her mothers. She is going to send home copies of everything Wednesdays, plus things she thinks 5K need to work on. She still wants to have a sit down talk with us about all of it, and show us more when we can. It was awesome. A ray of light in what turned out to be an utterly icky day. So now I am stressed to the max about what's going to happen. Every time I hear someone tell me about what a whack-job their mom is, I want to record them then ask if they would be willing to testify to that in court. After that, I go looking for 8K's teacher. I had received a voicemail from her earlier that was really awkward. It went something like this, "I would be willing to meet with you both sometime, or perhaps talk to you both on the phone, when I see you both I will show you the test scores...yada yada yada" Hmmm...says I. It sounds like she doesn't seem very interested in talking to me unless C is hovering on every word, you know, just in case I let it slip how I beat them nightly and lock them in the closet. So I tell C about this message, and he interrupts me to tell me that the Ex has already called bitching about how the teacher went to HER and said I tried to contact her, (you'd swear I have the plague) so the Ex called C to tell him that the teacher, get this, doesn't want to meet with me. Wants to meet with her, and C! In the same room! Without me! HAHAHA Riiiight, like that's going to happen in this century. I mean, if she wants to be witness to a bloody battle scene, has a death wish, or just enjoys watching people rip each others heads off then by all means! Obviously she hasn't dealt with many divorced parents. So, not only did she complain to the Ex about me e-mailing her, she left that message and since that wasn't enough, sent me a one sentence e-mail back, regarding a phone conference. It said, "Is your husband going to be on the phone as well?" No "hi", No "thanks", No, "Sorry to trouble you." Just that one line. My best friend put it nicely, "Well it sounds like she should be talking to the Ex only, since they have the same IQ" Agreed.

Since this wasn't enough of a bad day, let's talk about the kicker. We're all at Grandma's for dinner, which is usually a nice evening. I don't have to cook, she made spaghetti (my comfort food) and the kids are usually out of my hair. The operative word there is usually. I asked 5K to come inside and what does the turkey do? She bolts out the door, and runs away from me. Well at first I chuckle, but when I catch her and she makes it clear she's not coming back in without a fight, she goes boneless. I drag her in by her arms because she kicked me when I tried to pick her up, and as soon as we get inside she starts screaming and clawing for the door. I tell her she's going into time out if she doesn't stop, so she kicks it up a notch and starts telling me she doesn't like me. When this doesn't stop me from setting her in the time-out chair, she kicks it up again. Screaming at the top of her little lungs that she hates me, only loves her mommy and grandma and everyone else she could think of but me. She keeps this up for about 3 minutes. I have my back to her and I'm just sighing thinking about how much I hate teenagers because you can't put a teenager in time out. Well her 5 minutes end, and I have her stand up and look at me and explain to her I put her in time-out for kicking and screaming when it was time to come inside, but now she was going to get a spanking from daddy. I was too mad to do it, and since we believe it should be a quick punishment done with out anger I enlisted C. So after it's done she comes out, apologizes to me and we hug and things get back on track. So now we leave for church. Everything goes fine there, and we drop the demons off at their mothers. She isn't there. She has a friend staying with her right now, (who is are really nice lady) who was there. So they all immediately run for the cupboard to grab whatever junk food they can shove down their throats like they always do, and I tell 5K she really shouldn't be eating chips at 9 o'clock at night since it was already past her bedtime. The little bugger looks up at me, and says "You're not in charge here. This is Mommys house, and she's in charge." I twitched but replied, "You're right. Eat all the junk you want." with a smile plastered on my face. To which she shrugged and continued eating her pringles. I am so knotted up with stress, frustration and bitterness right now it's not even funny. All I can think about is how we aren't going to get 5K until she is failing 4th grade and uncontrollable just like what happened last year with 10K. I don't want to wait. I think we should take her to court and get custody. I just don't know if it will be granted. C has a spotty past, and knowing her she would bring every skeleton out of their closet for nothing. She would fight, get her, then in 4 years be shoving her on us like a dirty dish towel. Just like 10K.

I'm going to go wash my hair and braid it, then see how much a hit man costs on Craigslist.

Bitterly,
K

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

all i can say is i feel for you. i'll keep you in my thoughts.

Lacey said...

Wow...sounds like you've had a tough time. I think its ridiculous for the teacher to not want to meet with you. I mean, at least you are showing an interest in helping the child with school. This woman has obviously never had to deal with blended families...or she's friends with the ex.

5K's teacher sounds great though. Definitely keep those lines of communication open with her and try to help 5K as much as you can. As far as 5K's behavior the other day...she's definitely trying to see how far she can push you. She's also testing you to see how much you care about her and how much you love her. She's trying to see if you are going to stay no matter how bad she acts. I definitely agree it needs to be addressed when it happens and she needs to know that its not acceptable to act that way and I think you handled it great.

Hope things start to look up! *Hug*

Stepmonster said...

Ah yes, the ole "you aren't even considered a legal guardian" bullshite. I hate it when agents like teachers and doctors treat us like we aren't allowed to know anything about these little people who live in our homes, raid our refrigerators, take our things and leave their 'stuff' everywhere. I LOVE BEING A STEPMOM, I LOVE BEING A STEPMOM, I LOVE BEING A STEPMOM...chant with me.

perdido said...

I agree, you would think she would be glad to have many people interested in helping a child and not try to discourage it!

Stephanie said...

That seriously bites. I don't understand teachers who behave that way, honestly. I do understand that they don't want to be in the middle of some ugly thing, but I don't understand why having more than two people involved who love the kids and want the best for them is so difficult to understand. It would probably smooth things out if you had C sign a release form with the school saying that you have access to all of the information regarding the kiddos.

On the 5K front, hang in there. And seek family therapy. It's invaluable. :)

superwoman said...

I HATE teachers like that. One time the @#%^# wouldn't even let my husband take my baby's report card. She didn't know "if mom would be ok with that"
Since then we always keep a copy of the contract in the car.
But anyway-the resolution to our situation was transferring schools.
And the teachers at the new school ADORE me because they know I'm the one that shows up when the kids are sick, and I'm the one that actually returns their phone calls and emails.

jules said...

In the teacher's defense, there are a lot of legal issues surrounding blended families and one misstep could land her in a lot of trouble. I am fortunate to be in a district that allows us access to contact information online, so I can look to see whom I am legally allowed to talk to about a student since school records are considered confidential.

Please keep in mind that I am a stepmom too when I say this - as a teacher I never speak to a stepparent about their stepchild without first person authorization from a parent. Nothing against stepparents, I just need to cover my own a$$. I have no idea what the situation is, what the courts have said, what the parents think. And really, we aren't the biological anything. We have no rights no matter how interested we are in the child's success.

Blueydmuse said...

Ouch. Sorry to hear all that. I hope things are looking up for you soon.